make me feel wanted || DEACON

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; border: #222222 8px solid; background-color: #1f0000; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/light.jpg);] [atrb=width,450] She had been in a daze when Connor had left her in the bathroom that she had discovered him. She was in such a state that she had actually sat in the shower for a few moments after his departure, shocked and confused and hurt. He had told her that she was his soulmate and nothing would ever change that. She understood that he needed time, that he needed to figure out himself before he could be with her, but this was cruel. She wished he hadn't told her that. She wished he had just kept his comments to himself. She wished that the pain in her heart wouldn't feel so heavy. She loved that man. She hated him too, but the love was slowly beginning to win over the hate. And he had walked away. He had walked away before she could even respond to his declarations. She was tired of him walking away. Sucking in a breath, she trembled as she exhaled, letting out a broken cry. Holding her head in her hands, she brought her knees up to her chest, the tears falling freely now. There was so much confusion inside of her. She didn't know which way was up or which was down. She wished Lennox had never called her. She wished she had never answered his call, she wished she had never come here. Or well, a part of her did. If she hadn't come, she wouldn't have known the truth to Connor's feelings. He loved her. He wanted her, but not as they were now. They were too completely messed up, shattered individuals, and she needed to find her solitary strength. But she was so tired. She was so tired of being strong when she wasn't. She was so tired of holding everything in since her torturings when it was breaking her inside. She couldn't pretend to be this brave human being any longer. That wasn't who she was anymore and she didn't know how she was going to survive without Connor in her life anymore. She needed him like she needed air, and she felt suffocated in his absence. This was ridiculous. This was abhorrent. She needed to get over this. She needed to accept that he loved her but just needed time. She had waited this long, what was ten more years, right? Pulling in a trembling breath, she forced herself to her feet, feeling dizzy and weak. The truth was, Eli wasn't taking very good care of herself. She wasn't frail, but she was thinner than she had ever been. She had thrown herself into a pit of despair that caused her to lose interest in everything that was good for her. And after talking to Connor, it wasn't going to change. She was going to focus on killing people because it made her feel empty inside. It gave her a reason to forget her miseries, to forget about the baby that she hadn't been able to save. Stepping from the shower now, she shook from the cold of being soaking wet. She was terrified that she'd never feel warm again. She was terrified that she'd be filled with this aching cold forever. Teeth chattering, she ran her hand through her sopping hair, clearing it from her face. Leaving the bathroom, she saw the confused looks on the faces of Connor's siblings. Her blue eyes flashed as she caught sight of Lennox. "I meant what I said. Consider me finished with your family." She told him, threatened him. Pushing past him roughly, she hurried out of the mansion, leaving a steady trail of water behind her. She didn't care if he was grateful for what she had done. It didn't matter to her. She had saved his brother from his dark place, but who was there to save her? No one, and she accepted that. No one had been there for her after what had happened except for Jet. And he didn't even know the truth of the situation. She had told no one, confided in no one because she had no one. And that was her own fault. Sucking in a breath, she did her best to stop her tears, shoving the helmet on over her wet hair. Mounting her bike, she brought the motor to life and she was off with a spray of shooting gravel. She could barely see from the tears, but she knew where she was going. Deacon. He would understand. He would bring her the comfort she so desperately desired. She opened up on the bike with her speed, needing to see him more than anything else. It took her ten minutes to get into his part of town, and she was thankful when she saw his photography studio up ahead. Praying that he didn't have many clients, she parked the bike outside of the shop and turned it off. Pocketing the key, she tore the helmet off and locked it up, then hurried to the front door of his shop. Basically running to it, she wrenched it open, thankful that it was unlocked. Desperation filled her and she could not control the tears that were pouring from her soul. Why did she want to tell him what had happened so badly? It didn't make sense to her, but she almost just needed someone to listen. When her watery blue eyes found his form standing over his counter, she paused suddenly, feeling like a fool. Here she was, soaking wet, dripping in the middle of his studio, blubbering like an idiotic, weak girl. Trying to pull it together, she found that she failed miserably, and the tears started fresh once more. She could not heal this hole in her heart. Hope was all that she had left. Hope that Connor would see her for who she was, hope that she could get over the hate that that man caused her to feel. She hoped that their distance would not last that long, but she could never be certain. Looking to Deacon brokenly now, she spoke up, her voice cracking as she did so. "Please make me forget again? Please Deacon, please?" She asked breathlessly, nearly hyperventilating in front of him. She was losing it. She was losing her mind. This was something completely unknown to Eli and she couldn't stop it. She just needed him to help her forget. That was all. She prayed he could do this for her.

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[deacon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,495,true][atrb=background,http://i42.tinypic.com/dxdyme.png] [style=text-align: center; font-family: times; font-size: 33px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: #ED8661; line-height: 80%; letter-spacing: -3px;]find ourselves in the same ole mess DEACON HAD THE STRANGE ABILITY TO SENSE OTHER PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS, SO MUCH SO THAT IT WAS ALMOST A PALPABLE THING FOR HIM. HE COULD FEEL UNEASE IN THE AIR, AND THE TENSION HE FELT THE MOMENT ELI BURST IN THROUGH THE DOOR TO HIS STUDIO WAS STIFLING. THE CUSTOMER STANDING BESIDE HIM RAISED HIS EYEBROWS, NOTICEABLY LOOKING DOWN ON THE DRENCHED RAT OF A GIRL WHO HAD JUST STUMBLED INTO THE STUDIO SOBBING AND PITIFUL. DEACON'S BROW DREW DOWN AS HE SAW THE MAN'S REACTION TO ELI, THIS WOMAN WHO HAD SO INSTANTLY MADE HER PLACE IN HIS LIFE, AND HE CLEARED HIS THROAT TO DRAW THE MAN'S ATTENTION AWAY FROM HER. "I'LL SEND YOU THE PROOFS ON MONDAY. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND," HE PRACTICALLY SHOVED THE MAN TOWARD THE DOOR AND LOCKED IT BEHIND HIM, SUFFICIENTLY LEAVING THEM ALONE. TURNING TO FACE ELI, HE EXAMINED HER WITH WORRIED BLUE EYES, STEPPING TOWARD HER AS SHE FACED HIM. SHE SNIFFLED AND SOBBED, HER BREATHS RAGGED FROM THE CRYING. HER BEAUTIFUL FACE WAS RED FROM TEARS, AND HER BLOND HAIR WAS DARKENED FROM THE WATER THAT SOAKED HER TO THE BONE. HER BODY LANGUAGE SEEMED TO REACH FOR HIM, AND HE NATURALLY WENT TO HER, HIS ARMS ENCIRCLING HER AND PULLING HER INTO HIS CHEST. SHE LOOKED UP AT HIM, HER EYES PLEADING WITH HIM DESPERATELY AS SHE ASKED HIM TO MAKE HER FORGET AGAIN. HE FROWNED SLIGHTLY, BRUSHING WET STRANDS OF HER BLOND HAIR OUT OF HER EYES AS HE HELD HER IN HIS ARMS. "MAKE YOU FORGET WHAT?" HE ASKED GENTLY, THE QUESTION FALLING NATURALLY FROM HIS LIPS. WHILE HE DIDN'T MIND BEING THAT ONE TO HELP HER FORGET, HE FELT A CONNECTION TO HER OUTSIDE OF SEX. THE SEX HADN'T EVEN MEANT ANYTHING ROMANTIC FOR HIM, AND HE KNEW IT DIDN'T FOR HER, BUT HE'D FELT A KINDRED SPIRIT IN HER SOMEHOW. ALTHOUGH HE SENSED THEIR BACKGROUNDS WERE NOTHING ALIKE, HE FELT THAT INEXPLICABLE CONNECTION TO HER THAT HE COULDN'T DENY. HOLDING HER TIGHTLY, HE HUGGED HER SHOULDERS AND KISSED THE TOP OF HER WET HEAD. "COME ON, LET'S GET YOU WARMED UP," HE SAID SOOTHINGLY, GUIDING HER AWAY FROM THE MAIN LOBBY AND UP THE STAIRS TO THE SMALL FLAT WHERE HE'D SET UP HIS APARTMENT. ONCE HE WAS SURE SHE WAS SETTLED, HE RETRIEVED A TOWEL FROM THE BATHROOM AND WRAPPED HER IN IT, DRYING HER HAIR. PULLING HIS OWN SHIRT OFF OVER HIS HEAD, HE TOSSED IT INTO HER LAP. "HERE, WEAR THIS. I NEED TO DO LAUNDRY, AND YOU NEED TO GET INTO SOMETHING DRY." HE OFFERED HER A SMILE AS HE WALKED OVER TO SIT BESIDE HER, KISSING THE SIDE OF HER FOREHEAD. "IF YOU NEED TO FORGET... THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR." HE SMILED SLIGHTLY, HIS FOREHEAD RESTED AGAINST THE SIDE OF HER FACE, HIS FINGERS TRACING DOWN THE LENGTH OF HER ARM. HE WOULD BE WHATEVER SHE NEEDED HIM TO BE.[/style] ATOLI from CAUTION 2.0 !

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; border: #222222 8px solid; background-color: #1f0000; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/light.jpg);] [atrb=width,450] She was so shattered. She was so shattered that she didn't think she'd ever be able to put the pieces back together. Her heart hurt so badly that she didn't even want to feel anything anymore. She didn't even want to have a soul. She didn't want to be, she didn't want to live. The death of her baby killed a part of her, and without that piece, she'd never be whole again. The one man who could possibly help her build a new place for that hole had promised her a soul mate, but when? She would never know and it was too much of an agony to be that hopeful. She wanted to run back to Connor. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't wait ten years. She needed an answer now or she'd never be able to function. But could she ask that of him? Not really. She couldn't be that cruel. He had asked for time and she needed to give that to him. He was right. A part of her did hate him. He had sold her to the Russians for his own selfish reasons without thinking of the consequences, without realizing what would really become of her. And it had backfired. It had more than backfired. She wasn't dead physically, but emotionally, she was buried ten feet under. So when she went to Deacon, she was looking for something that she could never got from Connor. Not now anyway. She didn't know if she could ever get it from him. She needed comfort. She needed someone to tell her that everything was alright, that she was okay. She needed someone to tell her that she was worth something. After everything that had happened to her, she felt worse than the first beneath her feet. She was worthless and she couldn't fix that. What did she do for a living? She killed people. She hadn't even been able to prove herself to the man that she loved before he sold her out. If she had made more of an effort, would he have held onto her? Would he have found someone else to trade in her place if she had made herself worth something more in his eyes? She supposed she would never know, but she was worth something now. She was his soulmate. He just wasn't ready to be worth something to her although, in her opinion, he was already worth her life. But she wouldn't be able to tell him that. She would give him all of the space that he needed. When he was ready, he'd find her. She just needed to accept that. But not right now. Right now, she was too broken hearted to do anything other than cry. She had finally lost it. Eli Byrne was finally broken. As Deacon turned to look at whoever had come into his shop, Eli stood there dejectedly, unable to control her tears even as the customer looked down at her like she was nothing. There was someone else. She was nothing. Even to strangers. What did she expect? It wasn't like she had made something of her life. Visibly deflating when her eyes met the disgusted gaze of the stranger, she looked more like a shattered, lost young woman instead of the strong, violent, capable woman that she really was. Eli was lost and she had no compass. She couldn't rescue herself. Not anymore. She didn't have any strength left and she needed to ask for help. For once. But right now, she felt so much worse about herself. A complete stranger was judging her for who and what she was and he didn't even know her. Yet, he still saw her worth. Which was absolutely nothing. Hysterical now, she looked to the floor as Deacon finished up with the man, the warm tears flowing down her cheeks without her doing anything to stop them. Her shoulders shook with the silent sobs that she didn't let out because of the customer. If she had just ruined a deal for Deacon she'd feel horrible about herself. Looking up to him as he approached her, she managed to choke out a few words. "I'm s-sorry. I sh-should have c-called Deacon...I'm s-sorry!" She was hysterical. Never before had she been so disheveled. As he encircled her in his strong arms, Eli did the only thing she was capable of doing. She collapsed into him, exhausted, freezing, useless even to keep herself upright. Struggling to stand, she shook in his arms, trying to warm herself with his body heat. Her teeth chattered as she just managed to stand with him, feeling like she'd never be able to walk again from the way she was feeling. When she looked up at him and questioned him, she could only blink as he cleared the blonde strands of her hair from her eyes, questioning her in return. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears at his sincerity and his kindness, and she nearly lost it all over again. "I r-really need to f-forget what h-happened to me." She admitted to him, feeling safe and secure. He wouldn't judge her. He wouldn't make her feel worthless. She knew it because she trusted him. There was no romantic feelings for this man. She'd never be able to feel like that towards anyone else, but he understood that and even felt the same way. When they had sex, it was an outlet, something that they could share. She needed it, wanted it. The feelings that she got from sleeping with this man were welcomed. They were a relief. But as she was about to pour her soul out to him, he simply kisses her forehead and guided her by placing his arm around her shoulders. She went with him, moving as if she was in a daze. She took the steps one by one, feeling as if her legs were lead. She wouldn't have been able to make it without his help. And when he sat her down and threw a shirt into her lap, she obeyed his command. Stripping off her soaked leather jacket, she let it fall with a thump at her feet, barely managing to pull her shirt off as she shivered and trembled from the cold. Her pants were next, and she stood as she did so, pulling her underwear off as she did so. She didn't even care that he saw her like this. He had already seen everything, she had nothing to hide. He knew her scars, he knew what afflictions her body held. She was absolutely mangled and he hadn't cared. Yanking his warm tee shirt over her tiny body, she was glad to see that it covered nearly to the middle of her thighs. Feeling better because she was in warm clothes, she looked to him. "What sh-should I do w-with the clothes?" Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence, and the tears started fresh once again. He didn't seem to mind that her clothes stayed where they were, so she forgot about them. Settling onto his couch, she curled her knees up to her chest and looked at him as he sat down beside her. When he sat beside her and kissed the side of her head once more, the tender act just made her tears fall harder. Feeling his forehead against her face, she took a deep, shaking breath and let it out slowly, trembling still. In another instant, she couldn't hold herself back any longer. When he told her he was here to make her forget, she didn't say anything. She moved herself as gracefully as possible with just his tee shirt covering her and climbed into his lap. Curling into a ball, she rested her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his strong form. Burying her face into his neck, she managed to mutter out a few simple things. "Deacon I don't know why you even bother with me." She said honestly, but kept her eyes closed as she spoke. Still trembling, she stayed snuggled against him, needing his support and his warmth, but most of all, needing him. "I'm really messed up and I just...I need to tell someone what happened. But I'm so afraid that it will scare you off and then you'll want nothing to do with me and then I'll be alone again." She managed to get out in one breath, the tears falling. Squeezing her eyes tightly, the sobs escaped her and she desperately tried to calm herself. When it didn't work, she just let herself cry, knowing he wouldn't hold it against her.

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[deacon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,495,true][atrb=background,http://i42.tinypic.com/dxdyme.png] [style=text-align: center; font-family: times; font-size: 33px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: #ED8661; line-height: 80%; letter-spacing: -3px;]find ourselves in the same ole mess HE WATCHED HER CALMLY AS SHE DISROBED AND PULLED HIS TEE-SHIRT ON OVER HER HEAD. WAVING HER OFF NONCHALANTLY AS SHE ASKED WHAT TO DO WITH HER CLOTHING, HE MOVED TOWARD THE COUCH AND EXAMINED HER AS SHE CHANGED. HE KNEW SHE FELT UGLY WITH HER SCARS, BUT HE THOUGHT EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. SHE WAS ONE OF THE MOST EXQUISITE PIECES OF ART HE'D EVER SEEN, WITH HER LITHE BODY AND SCARRED SKIN. SHE WAS VERY BROKEN ON THE INSIDE, HE KNEW THAT FROM THE TIMES THEY'D BEEN TOGETHER, BUT THAT SOMEHOW MADE HER EVEN MORE INTERESTING. HE DIDN'T HOLD IT AGAINST HER THAT SHE WAS HURTING FOR HE'D HAD PLENTY OF HIS OWN PAIN. HE'D HAD PLENTY OF TIMES WHEN HE JUST WANTED TO FORGET AS SHE BEGGED HIM TO HELP HER DO. THEY MAY NOT HAVE SIMILAR BACKGROUNDS, OR EVEN PERSONALITIES, BUT ELI WAS LIKE ANOTHER VERSION OF HIMSELF. SHE SLIPPED ACROSS THE COUCH AS HE SAT DOWN AND SLID HER LEGS OVER HIS LAP, GRASPING ONTO HIM LIKE A LIFEBOAT IN TURBULENT WATER. THE WAY SHE SAID SHE NEEDED TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED TO HER SOUNDED SO DESPERATE AND INNOCENT, HE ALMOST HAD TO LOOK AT HER TO KNOW HE WAS STILL WITH THE SAME WOMAN. DEACON IMAGINED HE'D SEEN A SIDE OF ELI NO ONE HAD EVER SEEN BEFORE - A TENDER, PAINED SIDE THAT SHOWED ITS WEAKNESS AND POCKMARKS - BUT HE KNEW SHE WAS STILL A STRONG WOMAN. HE COULD SEE IT IN HER EYES THAT VERY FIRST TIME THEY'D MET, THE FLASH OF DEFIANCE AS HE'D ORDERED HER TO ALLOW HIM TO PHOTOGRAPH HER. SHE WAS IRISH, SHE WAS STRONG, AND SHE WAS HEADSTRONG. BUT WITH HIM, SHE COULD RELAX AND CRY AND KNOW HE WOULDN'T JUDGE HER LIKE THE DEMONS THAT PLAYED BEHIND HER EYES EVERYTIME SHE SHOWED THAT WEAKNESS SHE HELD SO VERY FAR DOWN BELOW THE SURFACE. "STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOURSELF," HE CHIDED HER GENTLY, HIS ARM EASILY WRAPPING AROUND HER SLENDER FORM AS SHE CLUNG TO HIM FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. SHE BEGAN CRYING AS SHE SNUGGLED IN TO HIM, AND HIS HAND WENT TO HER THIGH, GENTLY CARESSING HER SKIN AND CALMING HER. "YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU COULD RUN ME OFF?" HE ASKED LIGHTLY, HIS BREATH HEATING HER WET HAIR WHERE HIS MOUTH RESTED AGAINST THE TOP OF HER HEAD. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE YOU HANG AROUND, BUT THEY MUST BE SOME PRETTY HEARTLESS BASTARDS IF YOU FEEL YOU CAN'T SHARE ANYTHING WITH ANYONE." HE SNORTED SLIGHTLY AND SHOOK HIS HEAD, A WRY SMILE ON HIS HANDSOME FACE. WHEN HE'D ALLOWED HER TO CRY FOR A GOOD TEN MINUTES OR MORE, HE FINALLY LEANED AWAY FROM HER, GRIPPING HER CHIN GENTLY AND TURNING HER FACE UP TO LOOK AT HIM. HE KISSED HER LIGHTLY ON HER LIPS TO GET HER ATTENTION AND BRUSHED THE TEARS FROM HER REDDENED CHEEKS. "TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU."[/style] ATOLI from CAUTION 2.0 !

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; border: #222222 8px solid; background-color: #1f0000; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/light.jpg);] [atrb=width,450] Her trembling form snuggled up to his warmer one, her hands grasping to him as if he was the only thing that could possibly keep her grounded. She couldn't leave him, she couldn't be by herself right now. She felt completely weak and vulnerable but for some reason, she knew that it was alright with Deacon. He wouldn't judge her, he wouldn't laugh at her. He wouldn't think that she was beneath him for being a woman, for being weak and in pain. She was allowed to be who she wanted to be, and right now, she was herself, but different. Eli never showed this side to anyone, not even her brother. All of her life she had been the strong one. She had been the one that shouldered her worries and buried them deep. Never before had she ever confided in anyone, and never before had she allowed herself to cry in the presence of others. She wouldn't let herself. It wouldn't solve anything. It hadn't solved anything. Her focus had always been on her brother Jett, and when she had finally told him about what had happened when she was captured as a Marine, he had nearly blown a fuse. She couldn't risk that anymore. A part of her knew that Deacon wouldn't blow up as her brother had. He had no reason to. There was nothing that could be done now. She wasn't in the position to report the crimes that had been committed against her because she would give away everything. She would have to involve the Irish, the Russians, everyone. And while at the time she would have loved to incriminate one Connor Selwyn, she hadn't been able to do it. Her loyalties ran deep, unlike his had at the time. She couldn't stab him in the back. Not like that. Especially because of what was happening to the only thing that he knew and the only thing that he could ever love. His mafia, his life, it had all crumbled in front of him and at that time, she hadn't felt any sympathy for him. She had high tailed it out of there as soon as she was well enough to do so and didn't look back no matter how badly she wanted to. Maybe he just didn't realize what he was saying. Maybe he just didn't realize what was going on. But those maybes had turned into impossibilities. He knew. He knew and he had done the things that he had done willingly. She had no problem leaving, but now she wanted to go back. She wanted to prove to him that they didn't need to wait ten years. She would help him see that he was ready now. But it was all frivolous. He would need to seek her out. She was done trying to find him when he didn't want to be found yet. She needed to focus on finding herself again, and she knew that Deacon would be the one to help her. Sighing softly against him as he spoke soothingly to her, she heard his request. Tell him what had happened to her. Her solid crying had lasted for ten minutes and she still felt like she had this endless pressure on her chest. But as he kissed her lips tenderly, her attention was drawn away from that sensation, and she was now focused entirely on him. Sucking in a surprised breath after he broke the kiss, she furrowed her brow for a moment, watching his bright blue eyes as he wiped her tears. She leaned back from him, only slightly, not wanting to be away from him at all. Her fingers moved from around his neck to his chest, tracing patterns on his bare skin, since he had offered her his shirt. It distracted her for a moment as she fought to gather her thoughts, the fear threatening to spill over and ruin the entire moment. She needed to do this. She needed to tell someone. Pulling her eyes away from his muscled chest, she let out a small whoosh of air and peered up at him, the worry and the pain evident and obvious on her normally defiant and strong features. She was so battered that even her experience in hiding her pain wasn't helping here. She didn't know what to do anymore. She didn't know who to turn to for help, she didn't even know who she was anymore. She couldn't even trust herself anymore. Taking a deep breath to prepare herself, she spoke up, her voice timid, but it held no waver. "Please don't think of me as weak, Deacon. Please. I know I'm anything but strong right now, but I'm trying." She whispered in a plea, her blue eyes searching his desperately. In truth, she was being weak right now, but everything would be entirely worse if he uttered that term out loud. Once that was out of the way, she leaned forward now, still sitting in his lap, knowing that he didn't mind. Her hands went to cup his face tenderly and she leaned in, her lips finding his in one of the softest kisses that she had ever graced upon a man. It was in thanks, in appreciation, and even in a little bit of love and respect for the man that was sitting beneath her. The love that she felt was something she couldn't explain. It was for a friend, for a man that would take care of her. It was something that she had never known and it surprised her. It was why she had fallen so easily. She didn't feel for him romantically. There was only one man that she could feel that way towards, but Deacon was different. He was special. He was someone that she never wanted to let go of, no matter what. Pulling away from him now, she looked down, not able to meet his gaze during her story. It just wasn't possible for her. Pausing for a moment, she finally slowed her racing heart, certain that he could hear it. "A year ago I was kidnapped. The entire situation was set up by the man that I loved, the man that I wanted to be with, the man whose child I carried at that time. I don't know who took me, or why they did, but they did. I was..." She broke off for a moment, the memory of the baby in her belly making her hand crest over her flat, empty stomach now. A warm tear trickled down her cheek as she remembered the feeling of life inside of her, and as she remembered the very moment where she knew the baby was dead. Sucking in a breath, she continued on, trying to be strong. "I was kept for a year, and in that year, they branded me, burned me with their cigarettes, broke my bones. They beat me within inches of my life only to nurse me back to health so that they could do it all over again. They starved me, left me screaming for water because I couldn't take the way I felt anymore. I...I was r-raped repeatedly and I...I lost the baby." Her breath caught at that admittance and she desperately tried to regain her composure. Pausing now, her hand went out to grip Deacon's arm for support, finding her rock, finding her balance. "I escaped because they grew sloppy, and I returned to the home of the man who I thought would welcome me with open arms. But instead he basically laughed in my face, and I left when I was well enough. And now here I am. And that's pretty much it." She finished quietly, finally bringing her soul-less blue eyes to meet his. Watching him now, she waited for his reaction. She just didn't want him to run. He could laugh, he could judge her, but she couldn't take it if he ran.

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[deacon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,495,true][atrb=background,http://i42.tinypic.com/dxdyme.png] [style=text-align: center; font-family: times; font-size: 33px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: #ED8661; line-height: 80%; letter-spacing: -3px;]find ourselves in the same ole mess THE WAY SHE SUCKED IN HER BREATH AS HE KISSED HER WAS SO SWEET, SO INNOCENT, HE KNEW HE LOVED HER. IT WASN'T IN THAT ROMANTIC WAY THAT MAKES YOU BURN ON THE INSIDE AND WISH YOU COULD ALWAYS BE WITHIN EYE SIGHT OF THE PERSON. IT WAS IN THAT WAY YOU CAN TRULY LOVE A FRIEND, A PERSON WHO WAS THE COPY OF YOUR OWN SOUL, AND HE KNEW HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER. TO SEE HER IN PAIN WAS TO SEE HIMSELF IN PAIN, TO FEEL THAT PAIN AND TO BE CRIPPLED BY IT. HE COULDN'T BARE IT. SHE KISSED HIM BACK THANKFULLY, TEARS ROLLING DOWN HER FACE AND TOUCHING HIS STUBBLED CHEEKS BEFORE THEY PULLED AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER AND HE BRUSHED HER HAIR BACK OUT OF HER EYES. "NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE AS BEING 'WEAK'," HE POINTED OUT WITH A SOFT SMILE. "THAT WORD HAS NEVER CROSSED MY MIND TO DESCRIBE YOU." AS HER STORY BEGAN, HE FELT HER PULL AWAY FROM HIM PHYSICALLY, BUT EMOTIONALLY TOO, CLOSING HERSELF PARTIALLY DOWN IN FEAR SHE WOULD BE REJECTED. HE DIDN'T KNOW WHO HAD LED HER TO BELIEVE SHE WAS UNWORTHY OF FORGIVENESS, BUT IT ANGERED HIM TO THINK SHE WAS SO TORN AND BROKEN. SO HURT THAT SHE HONESTLY THOUGHT HE WOULD JUST LAUGH AT HER OR TURN HIS BACK ON HER. HER WORDS SPILLED OUT OF HER MOUTH, AND HE LISTENED WITH GROWING HORROR AT THE RETELLING. THINGS LIKE THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE REAL WORLD. THAT WAS FOR MOVIES AND TV SHOWS AND HORROR NOVELS, NOT REAL LIFE. EVERY WORD CUT HIM DEEPER AS IF IT HAD HAPPENED TO HIM AND NOT TO HER, AND HIS HAND NATURALLY FOUND HERS AS THE STORY WOUND DOWN. HE SQUEEZED HER HAND SLIGHTLY, HIS JAW TIGHTENING AS SHE FINISHED. "WHO THE FUCK..." HE TRAILED OFF, TOO ANGRY TO CONTINUE. LOOKING AWAY FROM HER, HE PULLED IN A LONG, LOW BREATH BEFORE HE LOOKED BACK INTO HER EMPTY EYES. "WHAT KIND OF BASTARD WOULD DO THAT TO THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD? AND WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS WOULD DO... THOSE THINGS TO A FELLOW HUMAN BEING?" HE ASKED, HIS TONE LOW AND DANGEROUS, ANGRY AND HOT. NO WONDER SHE WAS SO HURT AND IN NEED OF COMFORT. NO WONDER SHE DIDN'T TRUST ANYONE. THE WORLD HAD ROYALLY FUCKED HER TIME AND TIME AGAIN. WHEN WAS HER HAPPY ENDING? PULLING HER INTO HIS ARMS, HE HUGGED HER TO HIS BARE CHEST AND SIGHED INTO HER BLOND HAIR. "ARE YOU SAFE NOW?" HE ASKED. IT WAS ALL THAT MATTERED. IF THOSE PEOPLE WERE STILL FOLLOWING HER, HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE'D DO, BUT HE WOULD DO SOMETHING. HE COULDN'T STAND THE IDEA OF HARM COMING TO HER AGAIN, ESPECIALLY OF THAT MAGNITUDE.[/style] ATOLI from CAUTION 2.0 !

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; border: #222222 8px solid; background-color: #1f0000; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/light.jpg);] [atrb=width,450] She was embarrassed. She had never told anyone that story and she hadn't planned on telling anyone. Connor had found out somehow. She wasn't sure, but she figured it had something to do with the cameras that were recording everything that had happened to her. As she relived her story, she couldn't stop shaking. She didn't know if it was from the fear that she had refused to feel until now, or if it was from the shock from the entire situation. She had never really accepted what had happened to her. She had pushed it away, pushed it down deep into her soul, but she hadn't actually ever come to terms with it all. Sure, she was aware that she had lost her baby, and that was something that affected her more than anything else. But she had never admitted that out loud. She had never even looked at herself in the mirror and said that her baby was dead. It wasn't something that she had wanted to admit, and in not admitting it, she was hoping that it wasn't true. But of course it was. She knew it was. There was no other way around it. So Eli had been beating herself up over the loss of her baby ever since the day that it had happened. Taking a shaking, deep breath now, she exhaled slowly, softly, her blue eyes searching Deacon's as he sat there in front of her. The anger on his features was something that she never thought she'd see before and it threw her for a moment. Furrowing her brow, she studied him, wondering if she had ruined him. Maybe he was going to run. Fear peppered her emotions for a moment and she searched his face. He couldn't leave her now. He couldn't make her leave. If he did, she wasn't sure how she was going to handle it. "Deacon?" She whispered almost fearfully, watching him with bated breath. But that was when his spell seemed to be broken. She could feel the anger radiating off of him and she felt selfish for placing it on his shoulders. She should have never told him. This was why she never told her stories. The anger that Jett had felt when she told him about her experience in the Marines was something that she could compare to this situation. She had wished that she hadn't told her brother then either. She should have learned her lesson. "I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry..." She spoke sincerely, but in a whisper, her blue eyes still searching his. When she heard his next words, she flinched visibly. It wasn't because she was afraid of him. Eli couldn't feel fear because of Deacon's anger. She could feel fear because of his possible abandonment, but she had seen anger that was three times the amount that he was showing now. She didn't like it and it made her uncomfortable, but right now, it was manageable. She could handle anger for the most part even if she didn't want to. He deserved to know the answers to his questions though. She would give him the most honest answers that she could provide. He couldn't know her involvement in the mafia. He couldn't know who she really was or what she truly did. She couldn't tell him the name of the man who had sold her out, and she couldn't tell him who she had been sold out to, or for what reason. Biting her lower lip not, she responded quietly. "He didn't know that I was pregnant. I never told him. I haven't told him that I was." She told him sincerely, quietly. She was ready to move off of his lap at the moment, figuring he'd want nothing to do with her at this point. But just as she was about to climb from his lap, he wrapped his arms around her. She sank into him, her small, bony frame melding into his. She just wanted to lose herself in him because it would be easier than dealing with the reality of her nightmare. Hearing his next question, she closed her eyes tightly, knowing that he deserved the truth even though it wasn't something that she wanted to give him. It certainly wasn't going to be what he wanted to hear, but she couldn't give him false promises and hopes. He had to know that it was dangerous being her presence. It was only fair. IT was only right. She didn't sit up from her position at the moment, for she couldn't. She felt entirely weak and spent, like she didn't want to move for days. She just wanted to stay up here, locked in his apartment, safe from the world for as long as she possibly could. "Deacon, I'll never be safe as long as they're alive." She didn't know if they were alive or dead, and she couldn't be sure until she spoke to Connor again. Sighing shakily, she clung to Deacon now, burying her face in his neck, her breaths coming short and fast. She was still entirely too upset, but she was calming slowly. "I don't want to leave." She confessed in a broken whisper, finding comfort and solace only in this man, only in his arms. She couldn't face the real world. Not yet. She wasn't ready. She was afraid that she never would be.

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template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[deacon]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,495,true][atrb=background,http://i42.tinypic.com/dxdyme.png] [style=text-align: center; font-family: times; font-size: 33px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: #ED8661; line-height: 80%; letter-spacing: -3px;]find ourselves in the same ole mess THE WAY SHE NESTLED INTO HIM, CLUNG TO HIM FOR SUPPORT, TOUCHED HIM VERY DEEPLY. HE'D NEVER HAD ANYONE DEPEND ON HIM IN SUCH A WAY, AND IT MADE HIM FEEL NEEDED AND WANTED. HIS OWN PARENTS HAD NEVER BEEN THE REALLY EMOTIONAL, CLINGY TYPE, AND HIS FATHER HAD HATED THAT HIS SON WAS MORE INCLINED TO ART THAN TO RAISING RACEHORSES, SO HE'D BEEN VERY MUCH ON HIS OWN IN THE COMFORT DEPARTMENT SINCE HE WAS A TEENAGER. HAVING A FRIEND WANT HIM FOR SUPPORT, TOUCHED HIM PROFOUNDLY. "EVEN IF HE DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT, WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO SELL SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE? WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP LOGIC IS THAT?" HE ASKED, HIS TONE EXASPERATED AS HE ALLOWED HER TO HUG HIM. SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SELL OTHER PEOPLE. SHE OBVIOUSLY HAD SOMETHING FAR MORE CRUEL AND MYSTERIOUS GOING ON IN HER LIFE THAN SHE WAS TELLING HIM, BUT SHE HAD A RIGHT TO HER OWN SECRETS. HE COULDN'T PRESSURE THEM OUT OF HER, AND HE WOULDN'T EVEN IF HE COULD. HE WASN'T THAT TYPE OF PERSON. SURE, HE WAS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AND PUSHY WHEN IT CAME TO CERTAIN THINGS, BUT HE WASN'T CRUEL. HER ADMISSION THAT SHE WOULD NEVER BE SAFE AS LONG AS THEY WERE ALIVE SENT A COLD CHILL THROUGH HIM. THIS WAS SOME SERIOUS SHIT HE'D JUST STEPPED INTO, FAR MORE SERIOUS THAN WHICH LENS TO USE ON WHICH CAMERA TO GET THE RIGHT SHOT. THIS WAS LIFE-OR-DEATH, SERIOUSLY CRIMINAL SHIT. IT SCARED HIM, THE WAY SHE SAID SHE HAD NO HOPE, BUT IT DIDN'T SCARE HIM AWAY FROM HER. INSTEAD, IT SCARED HIM THAT THAT SORT OF MALEVOLENCE SURVIVED OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. THAT SOME SORT OF EVIL LURKED THAT HE'D NEVER TOUCHED BEFORE IN HIS LIFE, AND HAD ONLY CONTACTED THROUGH HIS BRIEF INTERACTIONS WITH ELI. HER BREATHING SPED UP AS SHE BURIED HER HEAD IN THE CURVE OF HIS NECK WHERE IT MET HIS SHOULDER, AND HE HUGGED HER TIGHTLY TO HIM AS SHE WHISPERED THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE. WHY WOULD SHE? WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO GO BACK TO? A MAN WHO DIDN'T VALUE HER ENOUGH TO PROTECT HER FROM THE DEMONS IN THE WORLD? A MAN WHO WOULD ACTUALLY SELL HER LIFE TO THOSE VERY DEMONS? WHAT A BASTARD. DEACON HATED HIM, NOT EVEN KNOWING WHO HE WAS. IT DIDN'T MATTER; ANY MAN WHO WOULD SELL THE WOMAN HE WAS SUPPOSEDLY IN LOVE WITH AS AN OBJECT DIDN'T DESERVE TO LIVE. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE, ELI," HE WHISPERED INTO HER HAIR, HOLDING HER TIGHTLY AGAINST HIS BARE CHEST. "YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO LEAVE. YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME, OKAY?" HE LEANED BACK FROM HER SLIGHTLY TO LOOK INTO HER EYES SO SHE COULD SEE THE HONESTY THERE. "YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME. DON'T FORGET THAT."[/style] ATOLI from CAUTION 2.0 !