still an innocent || OPEN

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

Pain. This was real pain. Numbing, aching, horrible agony. If she thought that she understood what it was meant to be broken before, she was dead, dead wrong. The misery and the absolute pain that she was experiencing at this moment was never ending. At this point in time, she felt like it was never going to be over. She felt like she was going to be hopelessly trapped in the grasp of these merciless, unforgiving emotions. Sadness, rejection, heart broken. These were things that she had never felt at this intensity before. When her parents had died, things had been manageable then. She had had Jet, and things had been okay. She had to be strong for him because he had reached his breaking point and she had called on her reserves to be there for him. But where were those reserves now? No where to be seen when she needed them the most. She couldn't rid herself of this ache in her heart. She couldn't rid herself of the constant nauseous feeling in the very pit of her stomach. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping. Fuck, Eli Byrne wasn't even working. She never did that. Eli had worked from sun up to sun down since she was old enough to and since she was old enough to have a reason to. The fact that she had given up the one thing that had kept her going, that had given her the distraction she had desperately needed was mind blowing. But the violence was making her sick. She couldn't do that right now. She wouldn't stop forever, but she needed to take a break and take a step back.

Right now, Eli wasn't doing so well. That meeting with Connor had thrown her. The meeting with the photographer had jarred her. The things that he said, the things that he did. His simple touch had wounded her, but it had enlivened her. Eli didn't know what she wanted. She didn't want to be touched, but when he touched her, things were okay. This was ridiculous. She didn't even know the man! She couldn't throw herself at the feet of the first one that showed her some positive attention. The truth was, Eli had been judged and tormented, insulted and desecrated since entering the Mafia. Everyone said that it was no place for a woman and she had done her best to fight against that. However, maybe they were right. Maybe it wasn't for a woman. There was that agonizing grip on her heart again. Giving up the Mafia meant giving up all that she had ever known. She couldn't go back to the Marines, she couldn't do anything. Eli didn't take orders lightly so a real job was out of the question. Despair coursed through her as she curled in a ball in the bed in the boat she had managed to break into for the night. She hadn't slept, not a wink. She knew that the owners weren't going to be back for a week, but that didn't comfort her. This setting, this quiet, relaxing setting, set her thoughts on fire. And now, she was sobbing. They were heart wrenching, broken sobs, and she couldn't stop them. Eli wasn't a woman who cried. But this was just all too much.

He didn't love her. He hadn't loved her. It had all been a lie but what did she expect? She was a fool for ever believing that she could have more with someone like Connor Selwyn. He was the leader of the Irish Mafia and who was she? No one really. He had whores and throws of women available at his beck and call and she was a hot headed, stubborn, defiant member of his team, of his family. There was nothing there and she should have never gotten her hopes up. But he had cared, he had to have. He had offered the chance of being something more and they had been. Suddenly, a new idea, a new thought hit her, and the tears began falling faster, fresher now. The raw pain of this young woman was something that could never, ever be matched. He had just said those things to make her trust him, to finally get her to believe in whatever he said. It was a ploy, all an act, a game. She was slated to be offered to the Russians from day one. Why her? Why couldn't it have been some other lowly member of the Mafia? Instead, Eli had to undergo rape, torture, and murder all over again. She broke. She was broken. Eli Byrne's spirit, her heart, her will to live...they were all gone. They were all shattered into a million pieces. There was only so much one young woman could take and she had reached her breaking point. And she had broken spectacularly. She wanted to curl up and never face the world again. She would do it if it didn't mean leaving Jett alone. She had to be strong for him even though she couldn't even begin to assemble strength. At least he was with his wife now.

Shaking all negative thoughts of her brother and his happy, perfect relationship, out of her mind, she resumed her private misery. The sobs finally shook her thinning frame raw and she was done for the moment. She couldn't take anymore crying. Her head was screaming in protest and she knew that she needed to get up and straighten herself out. The head ache wouldn't stop itself at this rate, so she really needed to go and take something for it. Or rather, buy something for it. Sighing, she sat up in bed, pulling her blonde hair back into a ponytail. It was the only thing she could pull off right now. Dressing in a pair of jeans and a black tee shirt, she shrugged an old sweatshirt on and zipped it up. The sunglasses would hide her eyes and protect her head ache. That was all that she could do for now. Climbing out of the cabin of the boat, she hurried along now, not wanting to be caught by anyone. But as she turned the corner of the dock too quickly, she collided with someone, hard. Stumbling backward in shock with a pained cry, she looked over, trying to figure out what had just happened, dazed, confused, and just...not okay.

[natalia]

natalia always got an early start on her day. late nights and early mornings, that's what being a mafia leader entailed. that was okay. she hated sleep anyways. you couldn't be productive while you slept, you couldn't do anything at all. productivity was a big part of her life. she had a busy day, every day. all in all, she probably only slept between three and five hours a night. there was too much to be done. people to meet with, plans to discuss. idiots to kill. like this morning. she'd rolled out of bed at the crack of dawn, pulled on some jeans and a grey t shirt, and driven out to the harbor. there she'd met one of her own, a nameless russian contact. nameless. that's how she liked to do it. quick and clean and no one knew much of anything. a few more of her men showed up, men she trusted. the inner circle of her mafia. they'd popped the contact's trunk to find a man. nat smiled at him before ripping him out, standing him up and walking him out on a dock. at the very edge, she'd turned him around and placed two bullets in his head. silencer on, of course. she didn't even get any blood on her. dropping the gun in the hands of one of her men, she waved them away. they took the body on a boat. the boat would go out to the middle of the ocean, where they'd cut the man open, sew the gun back into his body, and throw him in the water. shark food. there'd be no loose ends, no problems.

she'd stayed on the docks for a while, lighting a cigarette and having a smoke. she didn't particularly want to run anyone, but that was exactly what happened. quite literally, in fact. "watch it," she hissed, looking up at the other person. a girl, blonde.... eli bryne? nat's lips pressed together in a thin line. she knew eli bryne. she'd ordered the capture and torture of eli bryne. she'd done her research, and knew the girl's past very, very well. however, eli didn't know her. she had never shown her face to the girl. slowly, she fell into a comfortable looking posture, much different from the high and mighty way she'd held herself before running into eli. "oh my god!" she exclaimed, making her voice bright and cheerful, pronouncing god like gawd. so different than she normally talked, but that was all part of the quickly forming plan in her head. "it's me! abigail clarke!" she gave it a few seconds, searching the woman's face, still looking excited. pretending to be someone who knew eli. "from high school?" she waited a few more seconds. "you don't remember?" she waved her hand dismissively. "that's alright, we weren't that close. but jesus! it's been so long!" she laughed, walking towards the woman.

if natalia had ever met "abigail", she would have hated her. people like that grated on her last nerve. but normally, they were likeable, and that's exactly what she wanted to do. become friends with eli bryne. get close enough that she could text "where you at?" and get a response, no matter what the time was. she could use that to her advantage, always having tabs on the woman connor loved. it was a hand up. and nat loved those. she really did. "so how have you been?" she beamed at eli. "tell me everything!"

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

Eli was so weak at this point in time that the simple hit to the young woman before her sent pain rippling up and down her body. She didn't cry out, but the pain did flick across her eyes. Thankful for the sunglasses, her eyes narrowed as she studied the person in front of her. She caught her moments before she turned to look at her, wondering who had shoved the stick up her ass, when her entire demeanor changed. Eli's lips parted slightly in shock, trying to figure out what in the world had caused such a turnaround. Utterly confused and kind of shell shocked, she studied the brunette woman before her, trying to place her face. There was absolutely nothing familiar about her and Eli wasn't sure she wanted to be in the presence of anyone right now. Especially when that someone was basically yelling when she was standing two feet in front of her. Eli took a step back, her head ache not appreciating the loud voice of this woman. Irritated now, the blonde woman studied the one across from her, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. She was rattling off her words at what seemed to be a thousand miles per hour and Eli still had that rather shell shocked look about her. Her entire body was tense and rigid and she didn't look comfortable at all.

Still thankful for the sunglasses, Eli's eyes held nothing but suspicion and wariness. Biting back any comments for the moment, she let the woman continue. Abigail Clarke? Who the fuck was Abigail Clarke? She was apparently someone from high school, but not someone that Eli knew very well. If they didn't know one another very well, then why in the world was she so excited to see her? Was she normally this excited or was this all an act? Eli's mind went into overdrive, using her training and her skill at trying to figure this out. She just didn't have enough information. But she did know what she'd be doing as soon as she got into a motel room and she could look things up online. She'd find out who this mysterious Abigail Clarke was and she'd learn everything there was to know about her. Eli was a skilled, trained assassin and gun runner. She knew the ins and outs of her trades, and therefore, she knew exactly how to discover the information that she wanted and needed to find. If this was a lie, she'd figure it out. And then she'd come after her. She'd find out why it was a lie. Realizing that she still hadn't spoken to the woman before her, Eli furrowed her brow and offered her name. It wasn't her real name, not all of it. She wasn't an idiot, and if this woman was really just someone from high school, it really wouldn't matter. "I'm sorry, I don't remember you. Are you sure you have the right person? Lillian Jett?" She questioned quietly, wondering what was going on.

As Abigail took a step towards her, instinctively, Eli took a step backwards. Her years of training had taught her to be the one advancing, but that Eli wasn't as timid as this one. What had happened to her had shattered her confidence, had broken her spirit. She was not the same woman. That was clearly seen by her display of emotion in the abandoned cabin of a yacht. It was embarrassing really, and she was thankful that no one had seen or heard her performance. Disgusted with herself for losing it like that, she tried to relax, but everything was just on edge. Something didn't feel right and she always trusted her gut. The last time she didn't, she had ended up drugged and in the back of a car. She wasn't taking that chance again. If someone thought she'd let her defenses down after a situation like that, they were sorely mistaken. Glad that her side arm was tucked securely in the back of her jeans, she waited, watching. She wouldn't hesitate to pull a gun if she felt threatened in any way, shape, or form. It didn't matter if this individual was just a citizen. She'd scare her enough to get her out of here, that was for certain. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled softly and then tried to relax. This woman had shown her no threat yet, and Eli just needed to relax. "I've been fine, thanks. How about you?" Her tone was extremely guarded and wary, and as she was requested to tell this stranger everything, she merely raised an eyebrow. "There really isn't anything to tell. I run a fashion line." It was the cover story that her brother and her had developed. He owned a flower shop, she was into fashion. Everything checked out. It was what worked for them.