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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 20, 2013 23:19:41 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;]all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi
kahlan's green eyes snapped open in the dark room and she shook violently as spasms racked her spine. the drugs anya petrova had injected in to her system, coupled with the sleeping pills which had been shoved down her throat, reacted poorly with her body and gave her nightmares. thankfully, the mixture hadn't killed her, but it left her with vicious nightmares even a day later. she clutched her blankets and stared up at the ceiling as the vestiges of her bad dream slowly began to slink away like oil separating from water.
sighing audibly, she tried to calm her body and mind, but now her brain was racing and she couldn't go back to sleep. she had that irrational fear over her that always comes after a bad nightmare, and she decided it was enough.
she couldn't be alone right now.
slipping out of her bed, she crept over to the bedroom door and listened for a moment. connor had moved her downstairs following the birth of the twins and his desire to keep her under close watch in light of both her kiss with finn and asher's abduction. thankfully, the babies distracted him, and for now, the house was relatively silent. locking the bedroom door, she crossed the room soundlessly and pushed the window up, shivering against the cold night air. biting her lip and dropping to the cold grass beyond, she glanced down the wall both directions before taking off through the shadows toward the pool house that was around the corner now.
the yard was silent, and she felt as if every moment she made echoed around the entire property, although she knew this was her imagination. hugging her arms around her chest, she rounded the pool, keeping to the shadows as much as possible. by the time she reached the door to the pool house, her heart was racing with excitement and adrenaline, intermingled with the remnants of her heartwrenching dream. she didn't care what her brother thought; she had to see finn.
she'd been removed from him the moment they returned from the zoo, instantly fussed over by the mob's doctor and her brothers. she knew none of the details that followed her passing out from the sleeping medication, but the loss of her brother asher had been very real to her. it still was. he had sacrificed himself for her. finn had taken a bullet to his hand because of her. okay, perhaps that was stretching the truth a bit, but she felt like such a weak link at times. she was the sweet, innocent one, and that was never what she'd wanted for her life. her father had chosen that path for her.
needless to say, she'd missed being with finn even if no one else knew she was. asher had picked up on it, but she was certain connor was oblivious. lennox wouldn't care even if he did know, and she didn't think eli would either, but she knew her future sister-in-law only had eyes for her newborns. thanks to life's events, kahlan had the freedom to sneak out of her bedroom to finn's apartment in the pool house, and she needed this right now.
tiptoing to the door, she turned the knob as quietly as she could, glancing around one last time before entering the pool house. everything was back in its proper place, and she noticed him laying on his bed, his bare chest above the sheets that fell around his waist. sucking in a breath at the sight of him in such a state, she crept to the bed and slipped beneath the blankets, pulling herself up beside him and nestling her head against his shoulder. softly, she kissed him on his neck and draped an arm across his chest. her heart beat so wildly, from the adrenaline-filled run across the yard and the sight of him with no shirt on, she was afraid the combination of her racing heart and her ragged breathing would wake him up.
sure enough, her presence roused him, and her doelike green eyes watched him as he looked at her. she offered him a half-grin as she looked in to his handsome face. "i missed you..." she whispered, a sheepish look crossing her face. "and i had a nightmare."
tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, pj's │ notes, <333
I want you to stay
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Post by finnegan malachi odaire on Feb 21, 2013 1:02:53 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world,
probably give it to myself
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - his bright blue eyes stared endlessly into the sink, his peripherals making out his reflection in the mirror but not focusing on it.
he had failed.
not only had he failed connor, but he had failed kahlan. and the look on her face when she woke up for the first time, knowing asher wasn't there...it did things to him. it did things that he never thought would happen to him, but he felt it. he felt the pain straight through his heart and despite all of the obscenities and the pushes and hits he had gotten from connor... none of it compared. none of it compared to the devastated look that he had received when kahlan had met his gaze. connor could bash on him all that he wanted but finn couldn't understand why he was so affected by her. sighing in frustration to himself, he shook his head, his gaze traveling to his right hand.
the white bandage looked foreign against his tanned skin and he felt the desire to ri[ it from where it rested, wanting to free himself from any memories of that day. he should have shot her. he should have done something, sacrificed himself so that asher wouldn't be gone and so that kahlan wouldn't be so heartbroken. he could survive whatever the russians would throw at him. he had lived with them for over a year. but asher...he was an entirely different story. connor had made it a point to shove the boy's sickness in finn's face, leaving the irish man feeling more guilty than ever. and what was worse was that as soon as finn had gotten kahlan home connor had her torn away from him as if he had been the cause of her state of mind. furrowing his brow now, he shook his head, pushing himself up so that he wasn't leaning against the counter with his hands. reaching forward with his healthy hand, he turned the water spigot on, blasting the cold water and watching it with a listlessness to his gaze. sighing, finn ducked his head, the cross on his necklace hanging low as he dipped his head down and started running the cool water over his hot face.
once he seemed to get a handle on his emotions, finn pushed himself away from the water, turning off the faucet. he let the water run down his features, unrestrained, crossing the bathroom to his towel. wiping himself dry, he peeled off his now damp tee shirt, standing in nothing but a black pair of cotton pajama pants. as he stood there, drying his one good hand, he felt the throbbing in his mangled one slowly start to subside as the pain medications took their full effect. his body filled with a warm, tingling sensation and he felt his chest constrict pleasantly from the drugs. shuffling from the bathroom, finn flipped the lights, turning them off and allowing the flat screen on the wall to light the bedroom. finn couldn't fall asleep when it was dark.
he would never admit it, but the dark scared him. while he performed in it because it was his job and his duty, it wasn't something that he would choose for himself. so when he was by himself, he allowed his fears to subside by taking care of them. comforted now, finn crawled into bed, pulling the blankets over him and dozing off instantly even though he was trying to watch the television program. clinging desperately to consciousness, he was soon drifting off with thoughts of kahlan. wishing that there was something else he could do to comfort her but knowing he wasn't allowed was the worst sensation for him. furrowing his brow, he crossed his arms over his chest for a moment, sinking back into his pillow. when sleep didn't come that way, he relaxed his arms and instantly felt at peace as he turned on his side.
finn wasn't a stationary sleeper. he never had been and his sleeping partners found it difficult to last very long with him if they were in fact, just sleeping. that's why they never usually lasted the night. so as he tossed and turned, he didn't hear the door to his pool house open, he didn't hear he soft footsteps crossing the tiled floor. frowning in his sleep, a small groan of discomfort left his lips as he imagined kahlan at the end of anya's gun, his dreams not even giving him relief. however, his eyes flickered open, his heart skipping a beat at the realization that he was not alone. however, when he finally did manage to open his eyes, it was a slow process. he was so hazy from the medicine that his reflexes were down. but when he heard her soft voice, he hummed pleasantly, not able to formulate words in response to her comments just yet.
as she rested against him, finn wasted no time in adjusting himself, turning onto his side and snuggling her into his bare chest. his heart beat was slow and steady, and he kept his hand clear so as not to bring it anymore discomfort. as he registered what she had said to him, he spoke quietly, actually showing his need for the first time. "stay, lan. stay with me." he whispered gently, his want for her obvious by the words he spoke. absently, he leaned down, his lips brushing her forehead as he settled with her, refusing to let her go. "don't go." |
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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 21, 2013 1:41:08 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;]all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi
kahlan didn't blame finn for asher's fate. she never would. she'd been there, she knew what had happened. she remembered her brother sacrificing himself for her. she remembered the impotence she felt when she couldn't even talk him out of it. he would never back down from that sacrifice, and she knew it even as the tears had streamed down her face and her tongue grew too thick to argue. it had been entirely asher's decision, and even she couldn't stop him.
connor needed a scapegoat, like always. he took his sadness out on others because he couldn't deal with internalizing it. but, ultimately, that led to the worst internalization of all: denial.
kahlan was not in denial. she vividly remembered every detail, even the way she'd naturally looked to finn when anya hissed her twisted version of love into her ear. she loved finn, she always had. but she was afraid she was falling in love with him. she didn't know what to think about her rapidly shifting feelings toward him, but she knew she needed to be with him. they'd always been close, but this was different. this was a tug, a pull, that she couldn't deny. it had finally surfaced, and she couldn't shove it back down. she didn't want to.
every guy she'd ever dated were guys she knew from school or other such places. she'd never been with anyone so close to her family, and especially her brothers. she was familiar with finn, and that made her comfortable with her feelings for him. she was so comfortable, in fact, that it surprised and bewildered her. she'd so instantly begun to understand what she felt, so instantly latched on to the reality of it, that it scared her. she didn't want him to hurt her, and she knew his past, but at the same time, she couldn't believe that he would. she knew him in a different way than all of those other girls. she imagined she was different.
then her uncertainty would kick in, and she'd be confused all over again.
the most confusing thing was how her body reacted to him. she'd kissed guys before, but never the way she kissed finn. she'd never been kissed the way he kissed her, and she'd never wanted more. she had always been content in her pure, virginal state, and while she still was, she felt a stirring hotness in the pit of her stomach when he touched her.
finn was simple to her. his personality and character was laid out in the open, and he'd always been brutally honest with her. she knew exactly what he was thinking because the filter between his brain and his mouth was nonexistent when it came to her. so she knew what he wanted and what he thought, and when he looked at her the way he had over the past week, she knew he wanted her. it wasn't just a lust, at least she didn't think so, but it was something else, and that something else made her insides flutter wilder than raw lust ever could.
of course, her brother had to get in the way so she didn't have the chance to evaluate what was happening to her. but she'd taken matters in to her own hands. she wasn't afraid to disobey connor's wishes; she'd done worse before. it actually amused her that he thought she would listen to him and stay locked up in her room just because he told her to. the worst part about it was that he was still reacting to the kiss he'd seen when she was drunk, and so much had happened since. she'd already snuck out of her bedroom to see finn twice, and he'd visited her when she was moved in to her new room on the bottom floor. the thought made her smile. connor could kiss her butt.
she watched finn sleeping, his brow furrowed with his own dreams, before she climbed into his bed at his side. her touch roused him slightly, and she hunched beside him as he turned on his side and faced her. turning her head to the side, she sighed contentedly and curled herself against his chest. he smelled and felt familiar, yet new and foreign at the same time, and she nestled her head against him as he draped his arm over her. she felt so safe, pressed gently up against him, and she'd never felt so safe in her life. even connor or her father had never made her feel this way, and they were her protectors. but this feeling was so natural to her, it felt like second nature.
his voice was deep and almost muffled by her hair as he spoke, asking her to stay with him. her heart leapt and she sighed, pleased, so her hot breath crested off of his chest and warmed her face. pulling her arm up, she gently rested her palm against his bare arm as she twisted so she could look up in to his face. his lips brushed her forehead as she moved, and her lips parted as she heard him tell her not to go.
"i'm not going anywhere," she promised him. her hand slid up his arm, and her gaze was drawn to it in the flickering light of the television on the wall. her fingers slowly, inexorably, traced the contour of his arm muscles and slid across his shoulder to his neck. slipping along his jaw, her hand rested comfortably against his neck, feeling his heart beat slow and steady against the inside of her palm. her own heart beat too fast and felt as if it was in her throat as her eyes moved from her hand to his face. he looked so peaceful, rather unlike him, but she'd seen him this way before. she'd seen the peaceful side of him more than anyone else. she didn't know why, but she knew it was true.
the cold remnants of her nightmare nagged at the base of her spine for a moment, and she shivered slightly against him, pulling herself closer to him, slipping her feet between his as she nestled against his chest. "i want to spend every night with you..." she whispered, her voice catching in her throat as the words left her lips, impulsively and involuntarily. she blushed bright red and was thankful for the darkness of the room and his apparent tiredness. the last thing she wanted was to drive him away from her because he thought she was clingy or too infatuated with him.
she knew her feelings for him were swiftly making her fall in love with him, but she was afraid to admit it. they'd been friends as long as she could remember, and if he only saw her as another girl, then she didn't want to make it out to be something more than it was. she didn't want to just be another name on his list, but she wanted to be with him so desperately. the intensity of the feeling was terrifying.
tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, pj's │ notes, <333
I want you to stay
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Post by finnegan malachi odaire on Feb 21, 2013 2:19:11 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world,
probably give it to myself
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - it wasn't the first time that kahlan had snuck into his place. he would never complain. lately he had started to look forward to her surprise visits and a part of him secretly wished that she would come around more. however, the stronger side of him, the more stoic side, would never admit to being excited over the idea that she could be creeping out through her window and down to his place of residence. he loved the feel of her in his arms though and the permanency of the situation did not scare him like he had first believed it would. normally he would never allow a repeat visit from the same girl more than once a week, but here she was again. this was the second time he had seen her, and that didn't count the one time he had crept to the mansion in order to see her before.
feeling her settle beside him, finn let his eyes stay closed, the effects of the pain medication making his eyelids feel heavy. sighing, obviously content with her presence, finn just snuggled her closer to his broad chest, wishing for some reason that he was a bit softer for her. in the back of his mind he had this feeling that he couldn't be very comfortable because of how rigid he always was. his foggy mind wasn't truly allowing him to process rational thoughts, so this is what he focused on instead. however, hearing her speak softly, he tilted his head a bit, forcing his eyes open. he didn't want to open them, but he needed to see her. she was illuminated by the soft, blue tint from the light of the television screen and he was aware of the mutterings from the program being broadcasted. it was the news, so it was nothing special. it was usually boring enough to push him to sleep, which had worked well this evening. he was exhausted and it was quite obvious.
the bruises on his face did nothing to help his situation. if anything, the mark surrounding his right eye made him look even more tired, for his skin was black beneath his eye from the bruise. he never minded marks before but this was getting a bit excessive. he already had enough scars on him, including the one on his head, visible if his hair was pushed back from his forehead, and the one across his leg. his chest was littered with nicks and marks, as was his back. he was a fighter, a scrapper, a soldier. it was the selwyn's blood above all. finn was not a selwyn so he didn't need to protect his own as well as he protected theirs. it made sense to him. so, failing the selwyns the way that he had was not something that sat well with him and even as kahlan promised that she wasn't going anywhere, finn furrowed his brow in guilt. she shouldn't want to be with him. he was a monster. he had let asher get taken, he hadn't shot anya. she shouldn't be so forgiving and for once, she should take a note out of her brother's book. he was the outlet in the family for anger. it was what he was here for. the punching bag. literally.
feeling her feet twist with his, he smiled a bit. "ahhh you're so cold." he sucked in a breath, his voice still heavy and hoarse with sleep. trying to wake himself up, he failed miserably as she shimmied closer to him, wrapping herself up in his arms so that she could steal his warmth. and then he heard her. he blinked for a moment, trying to register what she had said to him exactly and when he did, he forced himself not to stiffen. he wasn't worried because it was kahlan. he loved kahlan, he always had. his feelings were turning into something more though, and that was what scared him. he trusted her. he didn't trust himself. he was a player and he always had been, but he refused to hurt kahlan in such a way. he would never, ever forgive himself if he did anything to harm her, whether it was unintentional or not. he didn't want to pressure her into anything even though he desired her. he wanted her to know that he would wait for as long as she needed to wait and when it did finally happen, if it did, he wanted it to mean something. he wanted it to be special and he certainly didn't want to dump her off of his bed by flipping the mattress. he needed it to be perfect, if it was going to happen at all.
sighing to himself once more, he felt her hands explore him: his chest, his arms, his neck, his face, and he found that he didn't want it to stop. she would stay. she had promised. his silence in her response to his requests showed her how much it meant to him. finn wasn't an expressive person but a lot could be said by his silence. he always spoke his mind when he didn't agree with someone, no matter who it was. the fact that he wasn't speaking was quite the clue. settling down with her, he wrapped his arms more tightly around her, supporting her and trying to warm her. thinking for a moment, he removed one arm from her, rather put off that it was his bad hand. a breath hissed through his clenched teeth as he grabbed his comforter from the floor, shifting her a little so he could get it. bringing the black down bedspread up, he settled it over them, wrapping it securely around them both. he was cold so he could just imagine how she must be feeling. "are you okay?" he whispered, his mind slowly starting to make sense of the situation at hand.
"i wouldn't mind if you stayed with me all of the time, but what happened lan?" he questioned her, his words slurred at best. it was obvious that he was exhausted, but he kept himself awake for her sake, although he figured he owed her an explanation. "took something for my hand. and by the way, you shouldn't stop touching me." finn muttered brazenly, his filter obviously not in place. it never was, but this was just who he was. kahlan knew that and understood. it was all that he could ask for. he was trying to figure out how he felt for her exactly, and if it was love, he was going to scare himself silly. |
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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 21, 2013 14:28:56 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;]all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi
as she nestled into his arms, she could see how exhausted he was, and she felt sorry that she'd woken him. he'd been soundly asleep when she came in, and she'd messed with that. it was probably selfish, but she needed to be with him. she needed to feel that safety she felt when she was with him. she felt so comfortable as he pulled her against him, her cold flesh connecting with his warm chest. she smiled as he complained about her being cold.
"It's not my fault you're warm," she noted, biting her bottom lip as she smirked over at him. his warmth encompassed her, and she squirmed slightly until she was completely surrounded by it. his presence also had a marvelous way of warming her for other reasons that she tried not to consider in the moment.
he was silent, as always, when she confessed she needed to be with him, and she knew him well enough to see it as a good sign. she wasn't tired after her nightmare had violently jolted her awake, and her mind was racing, but his characteristic silence helped to soothe her. he would have pushed her away instantly if he didn't want her here, and he would have reacted similarly if he didn't want her to need him. she leaned her head on his arm stretched out beneath her and looked into his face as he moved his busted hand and hissed in irritation. her hand against his neck, slid down to his chest naturally as he moved to grab the comforter to drape over them both. she helped him pull it up and shifted her weight as she cacooned herself within the blanket, pressed up against him again.
when he asked her if she was okay, she was instantly reminded of her horrible nightmare, and she shivered involuntarily. his confession that he wouldn't mind her staying with him all the time made her heart flutter in her chest, and she looked in to his face as he settled next to her once more. her left foot unconsciously traced the outline of his ankle as she bit her bottom lip and tried to formulate the dream in her head so she could tell him. she hated thinking about her nightmares, but she knew telling him would help her to feel better about it.
"It's always that I'm falling, but i know it's not just falling. it's because someone pushed me or because i fell. i just always know it isn't an accident. sometimes, i see asher, like i can almost reach him, and i know if i do then i won't be falling anymore, but i never do. this one didn't have asher in it though. i was falling away from... you. i could see you but i was like someone pushed me and i couldn't reach out for you in time. i screamed and that's when i woke up."
she shivered and closed her eyes against the memories of the nightmare before her green eyes opened to look into his face. "it was...horrible."
her fingers bent, threatening to tighten into a protective fist, her fingertips pressing against his chest as she looked down to stare at her fingers. her eyes burnt as she felt tears rise up at the memory of the nightmare she'd had, but his bass voice brought her out of her self-pity and she looked back up at him.
she smiled a half-smile as he admitted he'd taken something for the pain in his hand - pain he'd endured because he'd been protecting her - and then his next words made her heart lurch and her cheeks flush. her lips parted and she sucked in a breath. he loved teasing her, and that didn't stop just because their feelings for one another had turned in to something romantic. her cheeks reddened, she smiled cutely up at him, her hand sliding across his chest to his shoulder. "does that mean i'm allowed to kiss you too?" she asked, squirming in his arms so she could kiss his lips. her hand naturally slid up his scarred skin and rested beneath his jaw as she whined gently against his mouth. she was torturing herself, torturing her body that instinctively wanted something more, and she sighed inaudibly as she finally pulled away from his lips. her thumb ran over his mouth and her eyes slowly flickered open as she looked up at him.
"i don't want to leave..." she commented, her body relaxing now that she'd gotten the pain of her dreams off her chest. her eyes slowly closed as she turned her head and snuggled against him, soon falling asleep.
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a loud, violent knocking jolted kahlan awake, and she gasped and blinked in surprise. where was she?
the sunlight was streaming in through the windows of the poolhouse - the poolhouse! she'd fallen asleep and hadn't woken up to sneak back to her room before morning. sitting straight up in the bed, her hand went to her messy blond hair before she glanced over at finn. his arm still laid across her body, in her lap now that she'd sat up, and she gently gripped his shoulder, shaking him as the banging on the door continued.
as he woke up, she placed a finger against his lips to silence him, pointing toward the door where she could now hear her brother connor griping about finn being a lazy drunk asshole who slept until noon. grabbing finn's hand, she hauled him up in the bed and ran her fingers through his hair, smiling a small smile at him. the adrenaline pumped through her veins at almost being caught by connor, and she couldn't contain the giddiness she felt. waking up beside him was a large part of her enthusiasm.
shifting her weight, pulling herself up on her knees and looking at him in the bright light of the morning, her heart jumped around in her chest as she knelt on her hands and knees and leaned over to kiss him deeply on his lips. "good morning," she whispered against his mouth, smiling and licking her lips before pushing herself off of the bed. tugging her pajama shorts down over her rear end, she went into the messy closet and slipped deep into the shadows in the corner as finn went to open the door.
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as the door opened, connor was already fuming. his dark green eyes smoldered with irriation and impatience as finn threw open the door to the poolhouse. the moment it opened, connor smacked the palm of his hand against it and slammed it back against the wall.
"where is she? kahlan wasn't in her room this morning, and the door was locked, but the window was open. if you spent the night with her, so help me... i will cut off your dick and feed it to you for breakfast."
tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, pj's │ notes, <333
I want you to stay
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Post by finnegan malachi odaire on Feb 21, 2013 14:54:05 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world,
probably give it to myself
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - finding kahlan here beside him as a small wake up call was not a bad thing in his opinion. she actually brought a smile to his tired features and for that, he was thankful. connor had been running him ragged the past couple of days ever since the disaster at the zoo and finn knew it was his form of punishment. the black eye wasn't enough, so now finn had to suffer through the jobs that no one else wanted. he didn't care as long as he wasn't sent back to the russians. the ultimate betrayal of their friendship would be if connor sent him back. finn didn't want to go through it again. he wasn't strong enough to face them and he knew that they wouldn't allow him into their close knit circles again. it was clear where his alliances lay, despite the treatment he received from his supposed best friend. sighing softly to himself, in a way that kahlan wouldn't be able to hear, he forced his ice blue eyes open, looking softly at this girl who was slowly changing him in ways that he couldn't figure out.
he wanted to sleep with her, he wanted to be with her. finn would never allow a woman in his bed before if it didn't involve sex. but with kahlan he wanted to be gentle, he wanted to wait for her. he wanted everything to be perfect and slow and soft and none of that defined who finn was. he wasn't gentle. he was hard in more ways than one. his cold demeanor was a constant mask if he didn't know you and lately, ever since the threats from connor had developed when he found them in the garage, finn had turned himself off to the entire family. he would be there in an instant if they needed him, obviously, but his heart wasn't in it anymore. he was alienating himself, but not from kahlan. while he was in the presence of her and her brothers he didn't give her the time of day because that was what he was ordered to do. however, times like these, he reveled in their silence, in their privacy. he never wanted this moment to be over and that petrified him.
clearing those thoughts from his mind, he looked down at kahlan as she spoke to him, feeling her inch closer to him so that there was no space between them. feeling her warm body against him sent shivers up and down his spine, but he controlled his urges because he knew that it was right. hearing her response to him brought a small laugh to his lips. it was breathy and short, but it was apparent. finn wasn't an emotional person, and he usually never laughed. the fact that she could make him feel, could make him laugh, was something in of itself. "it is your fault. you need to be warmer peaches." he teased her softly, keeping her close to him by wrapping his arms around him, even when they successfully pulled the comforter over their bodies. snuggling closer to her, which was not finn like at all, he breathed a sigh of happiness. it was obvious that he was content and it was because of her. his fears, his worries...they all subsided because for this moment he could focus on kahlan and the fact that she was here. he didn't need to pretend to be something that he wasn't around her. for so long, whether it was for his job or for connor, he had been a man that he didn't want to be. while he couldn't change his personality, he was forced to change his background, his make up. he was supposed to be a russian and he had been. it had killed him in more ways than one but he would never talk about it. not even to kahlan.
the point was, he was himself and it was all because of her. she was healing him.
he sobered now, hearing her speak of something that obviously scared her as she shivered against him despite the new found warmth. furrowing his brow, he focused now, his eyes finally obeying his need and his want to stay awake. listening, he gently ran a hand up her back, his fingers light yet firm on her back. tracing upwards, he reached her short blonde hair and he played with the soft tendrils, trying to occupy her from her fears. as she finished, finn found his heart breaking for her. he couldn't protect her from her dreams, but he could do his best to keep her days safe so she wouldn't have nightmares like that. leaning his face down, his lips brushed her forehead softly in a tender kiss and he brought his bad hand up, causing her chin to lift with his swollen fingers. despite the pain, he kept the pressure there, needing and wanting to see her green eyes. "i'm right here. i won't let you fall." he admitted to her, honesty never his policy. but this time the sincerity of his words spoke volumes and he wanted nothing more than for her to believe him. because this time, he meant what he said. he would not let her fall.
as she settled into him again, he smiled as he heard her question, and that smile didn't leave as she kissed him. hearing her whine, he did all that he could to quell his urges, his hormones, but they were raging because of her closeness. keeping himself under control so he didn't scare her, he returned the kiss, leaving himself breathless when she finally pulled away. "you keep kissing me like that and you'll never have to leave, lan." he said softly, the teasing obvious, but he meant it. he didn't want her to leave, and as she settled into his arms and drifted off to sleep, finn found himself dozing quietly beside her, always on alert, but catching the sleep he so desperately needed as well.
-----
however, that sleep was interrupted as he was aware of a knocking on his door. it sounded far away and he couldn't lift himself from the pain killer coma that he had put himself in. coupled with the warmth of kahlan, and finn had gotten the best night of sleep that he had gotten in a long time. and this time, sex wasn't even involved. but he was roused from his thoughts as he felt kahlan touch his shoulder, and he groaned in protest. about to tell her that it wasn't time to get up yet, he felt her finger hover over his lips. furrowing his brow, finn opened his eyes, now blood shot from the morning sunlight.
his heart skipped a beat in dread as he heard the roguish irish voice at his door. oh fuck. oh this had to be a joke. they were always careful. they always made sure that they weren't together in the morning when connor woke up or they would both have to face his wrath. actually no. finn would have to face his wrath. he didn't know what connor would do to his sister, but he was sure it wouldn't harm her physically in any way. he was certainly tired of the black eyes. he didn't have long to dwell on anything though, for she was pulling him up into a sitting position. watching her for a moment, his blue eyes went wide with a rage that was coupled with regret, but the kiss she gave him erased all of that. kissing her in response, he let his tongue run over her teeth teasingly, pulling away as she did and giving her a cheeky grin. "slept well." he informed her, which was as much of a greeting as she was going to get.
as she danced away from him and hid in his closet, finn sighed audibly and pulled himself out of bed. limping painfully because of his leg, which was always cramped in the morning, he reached the door, still shirtless and exposed. but if connor had a problem with that, he could certainly suck his dick.
wrenching open the door, his eyes flashed in warning. "fuck connor, what do you want? i'm not your bitch of an errand boy." he snapped viciously, all joking gone from his voice. he was angry with connor, but above all ,he was hurt. shaking his head as the man slammed the door into the wall, he didn't react as the glass rattled in its frame. watching him with a heated expression, he crossed his arms as he was accused of housing kahlan in his pool house. while he was dangerously aware of her being in his closet, he refused to show any signs of connor being right. as the irish man threatened him once more, finn snorted rudely.
"she's not here. get out. you can suck my dick for all that i care, you asshole." he wasn't having it. he didn't want to deal with him this morning. finn was not in a forgiving mood. |
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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 21, 2013 17:53:01 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;]all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi
his touch along her back replaced her chilled shivers with tingles of delight, and her eyelids drooped as she looked up at him through her long eyelashes. it was a simple touch, but one that affected her more than any other could. his tenderness was seldom and rare, and she knew just how special it was to receive it from him. it made her heart swell that he would treat her so gently, so caringly, and as he promised her he wouldn't let her fall, she didn't resist the urge to kiss him.
as with every kiss they'd shared, it was special to her. she still wasn't used to kissing him, but it felt so natural, as if her lips had been designed to kiss his. she wanted more - more kissing, more touching, more closeness, more everything - and her belly stirred wantonly, causing her to whine involuntarily. her trust in him, the comfort he gave her, made her want to give him everything, but her brain reined her back in. she knew she couldn't sleep with him until she knew beyond a doubt that he truly cared about her unlike any other woman. it would destroy her if she gave him the one thing only one man could have, only to have it thrown back in her face when he moved on to the next girl.
his voice was gruff, and the sound of it made her insides twist with what she now understood was desire. she giggled softly, brushing her fingers down the side of his face before she pulled her hands in to her chest and curled up against him to fall asleep.
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as connor banged impatiently on the door, kahlan found herself lost in the man in front of her. she'd never seen him as he woke up in the morning, and his messy hair and bare chest made her stomach flip excitedly. she doubted she looked glamorous with her short, tangled blond hair and wrinkled pajamas, but finn was a vision that made her throat clench with desire for him. she shouldn't be feeling this way first thing in the morning, but she couldn't deny it. she knew she should hide, that connor could literally blow the door off the hinges at any moment, but she didn't right away. instead, she gave in to her impulses and kissed him.
his tongue parted her lips, deepening their kiss and teasing her until she smiled and nipped him playfully before they parted. when he confirmed he slept well, she bit her bottom lip as she smiled yet again. "me too," she murmured, turning and hastening to the safety of the closet after glancing toward the door.
if connor spent any time here at all, she was going to be in so much hot water. she knew her brother would take it out on finn, and she hated him for that. nothing that happened between her and finn was finn's fault. they both had feelings for one another, they both wanted to be together to explore whatever was developing between them, and connor with his pig-headedness refused to allow that to happen because of his heightened ideals for what her life should be. he was so much like their father when it came to ruling over what she did, she wanted to beat him until he couldn't see straight.
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finn was never afraid of him, and that was what had made them such good friends. they were both violent and vicious, and they could handle one another. other people tried to villify or mollify them, but they'd always been brothers in arms, equal sides of the same coin. so as finn stared him down, looking irritable with his messed up hair and black eye, part of connor found himself respecting that the young man remained unaffected by him.
connor had become a monster to many people. he was the godfather of the irish mafia, the 'bad guy' around town. he ruled boston through fear, and while that could only last so long, many people saw the hardened, evil side of him. he wasn't just a human to many citizens of the city, or even to his family members at times. he was a caricature villian, a stereotype, and an archetype. he filled a role, and he was tired of it. he imagined himself as multi-faceted, but no one saw him that way. they saw him as requiring healing and retribution, when he wanted none of that.
but finn saw him as a human. finn saw him as a man who he hated, in recent times, and the realization of that settled heavily on top of connor's numerous other woes. yet, it didn't show. shoving past finn, he stormed in to the poolhouse, a black poisonous shadow in the bright morning sunlight, breaking the content feeling of the room kahlan had felt before she'd disappeared into the closet.
she saw the flicker of the light as her brother marched inside, and she gritted her teeth, flattening herself against the wall and praying he wouldn't see her. he glanced around the main room with his hawk-like gaze before stalking into the smaller second bedroom and, inevitably, the closet. he stepped into the entryway, and his green eyes pierced the darkness, and kahlan held her breath. it was like being hunted by a lion, and her heart raced so hard and fast that she was afraid he might hear it. connor could sense fear, and fear rolled off of her, fear that he would find out she'd spent the night with his best friend against his wishes. even if she hated that he was trying to rule her life, she was still afraid of his irrationality.
sniffing irritably, connor hung his head and spun to face finn again, seeing no sign of his sister. kahlan bit down on a nearby shirt to muffle herself so she wouldn't sigh audibly with relief and give herself away as he left the closet and stepped back into the main room.
his shoulders drooped visibly, the weight of his world weighing him down now that he believed he was alone with the man he'd called his best friend since childhood. running his hand over his forehead and into his wavy black hair, he stood silently for a moment, his jaw twitching as he ground his teeth together and suffered beneath the torrent of thoughts racing through his head. asher was gone, taken by the russian mafia. eli was out of commission, nursing and caring for their newborn twins. lennox was lennox, and he pissed him off and challenged him just by existing. finn hated him, and kahlan was missing. he was emotionally, sexually, and physically deprived, and he couldn't handle it anymore.
"i can't lose another one of them," he spoke suddenly, his voice barely more than a whisper. his dark green eyes stared at a spot on the floor for a moment before he slowly looked up at finn. his gaze held more emotion than it ever did, for his filters were slowly cracking and shattering under the weight of it all. finn was his best friend, or at least he once had been. they'd known one another their entire lives. finn didn't expect anything out of him like kahlan and eli and lennox did. finn hated him, and that made him open up more than he could to someone promising to love him and support him. there were no expectations, and he couldn't fail more than he already had. it was a clean slate.
"what if they took her, finn?" he asked, mostly to himself even as he addressed the other man. "asher's gone, and now kahlan. i promised to take care of them. i became their protector, their guardian, and... i haven't done any of that."
gritting his teeth so his jaw clenched visibly, he shook his head and snorted unamusedly. he hated feeling as if he was breaking down, but he retained his dignity thanks to finn's familiar stoic presence. they were soldiers. they'd been through life and death together. finn was loyal to him. even through his hurt and hatred for connor, finn would never betray him, and connor knew that. it was a militaristic bond he could understand, a brotherly love he could grasp and learn from.
"you know why you can't be with her, don't you?" he asked, glancing up into finn's blue-eyed gaze. he knew finn understood. it was an unspoken understanding they shared. "you can't love her enough not to hurt her, and if you love her, it will only hurt her."
he thought specifically of eli, how he loved her more than anyone he'd ever known in the entirety of his life, but his love only managed to wound her over and over again. finn was like him. they were brothers in many more ways than blood. he was working to mend his discrepancies and shortcomings with his future wife, the mother of his children, but he couldn't bear to imagine his sister going through a similar situation. he didn't want her to end up with a man like him, and finn was a man like him. finn hadn't found that token to keep him sound. connor had, and he still struggled to balance his life.
kahlan leaned back against the wall of the closet, her throat closing up as tears rose to her eyes. she hated connor and loved him simultaneously in that moment. she'd never heard him so broken, not since the two nights she remembered most vividly in their lives together. the first was the night he'd come to her after he'd raped an innocent prisoner and almost gotten himself killed. it was the night before their father had threatened him and gotten close to killing him before sending him off to europe to 'recover'. the second night was even worse, and she hadn't been able to get through to him them. it was the night after he'd found out what fate had befallen eli, and he'd slaughtered the entirety of the russian mafia. he'd almost killed finn that night, and the only surviving member of the mafia was a man named konstantine who'd been wounded so bad he'd almost bled to death.
she'd seen connor recover from those things - or at least she believed she had - and she believed she could help finn through anything similar he could experience. she was falling in love with him; she knew it. her heart was slowly becoming his, and her hatred for her brother stemmed from his inability to allow her to fall in love with finn. all she wanted was the simplicity of dating the man she wanted to be with. it just happened to be his best friend and former party buddy. she knew finn, she knew his escapades and his habits. he'd told her plenty of stories when he was drunk, and she'd even cleaned him up a time or two when he'd gotten sick from a hangover or a bender.
connor sighed and glanced down at the floor. "i'm sorry for overreacting, but you know why. i know you do." he looked back up at finn, seeing the understanding dawning there in finn's blue eyes. "kahlan is innocent and pure, and she can't handle men like us. she's naive. she'll think she's in love with you, and it will break her heart. i can't see that happen; i won't let that happen." his eyes hardened in a flash, but he reined himself in by clenching his teeth for a moment before sighing and releasing the wave of angst. "if anything else happens between the two of you, you have to be the one to break it off because she won't be able to."
turning to the door, he walked out in to the sunlight, the light warming his dark-colored shirt instantly as he walked off around the pool, disappearing toward the house.
kahlan sat silently in the closet, despondent after her brother's words. her good mood was shattered and tarnished now, and she didn't want to move from the shadows. she didn't stand until she heard finn close the door and she knew they were alone. rising to her feet, she slowly exited the closet, her eyes searching for him as she emerged into the brighter main room.
"finn..." she managed in a small voice. going to him, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged her petite body against his muscular bulk. "don't listen to him. connor is a jerk and he doesn't know what i want."
leaning away from him, she looked up in to his eyes, still holding herself against him. "i want you. i don't care what connor thinks." she managed to smile, her happiness at just being with finn overpowering her sadness and irritation over her brother's words. gently cupping his face, she traced his jawline with her thumbs as she looked lovingly up into his eyes. "i'm falling in love with you, finn."
the admission made her heart leap and dance nervously around in her chest, and she sucked in a breath that made her shoulders rise and fall as she held it for a moment and watched for his reaction. her cheeks were flushed gently, a rosy pink, and her lighter green eyes watched him, wide and doelike, innocent as connor had described her. she was falling in love with him. she knew it, and she'd known it for a while now although she hadn't realized it. she wanted to have him, and she wanted him to have her, and she didn't want to be another name on the endless list of conquests he had. she wanted to be with him, emotionally and physically, and her body reacted naturally to the realization, curving to meld against him as she rose up on her toes and kissed him. it was light at first, tentative and soft, and she deepened it as she naturally cleaved to him, her arms sliding around his neck as she pulled herself up against him.
her tongue slipped between his lips, taking in the taste of him as her breathing and heartrate elevated excitedly. she moaned slightly against his mouth, her breaths coming ragged as her nose grazed his when she turned her head, deepening the kiss until her body ached to somehow be even closer to him than she already was. she couldn't breathe and her head was full of the emotion she felt for him, her body was full of her desire to belong to him. nothing mattered but the two of them.
tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, pj's │ notes, <333
I want you to stay
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Post by finnegan malachi odaire on Feb 21, 2013 23:16:56 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world,
probably give it to myself
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - finn didn't move from where he stood as connor pushed by him in his anger and in his haste. the trust that they had once had no longer existed and it was just another thing that finn could add to the list of what had changed. he should have never gone to the russians. he should have turned down the mission. if he had, everything would still be the same. he wouldn't hate connor. connor wouldn't despise him. they would be alright. looking down to the ground now, he did his best to let go of what was. there was no use in it. finn was not of their blood, he was not of their stature in life. without the mob he would be on the streets. he had no money to his name other than the money he had made in blood and in drugs and in guns. he was a swindler, a professional conman. he was no better than the homeless people begging on the streets of boston. however, instead of begging, he used force. he was worse than the beggars on the streets. shaking those thoughts from his mind, he tried not to let them consume him. he needed to control himself to the best of his ability and he wouldn't be able to do that if he was raging.
his blue eyes lifted from the floor from where they had been staring, following connor's raging form throughout the small yet well furnished pool house. it was finn's home, but it wasn't home. he didn't belong here and that was becoming more and more obvious. this wasn't his place. he should do them all a favor and leave, but as he thought of that, he instantly thought of kahlan. he had promised that he wouldn't fall and he normally wasn't one to break his promises. sighing softly to himself, he looked absolutely dejected as he stood in the doorway, highlighted by the warm sun. his shoulders slumped and his arms hung limply by his sides until he got the heart to cross them over his chest, his muscles flexing in protest. biting the inside of his lip, he glanced over as connor turned back into the main room from the second bedroom. how he hadn't seen kahlan hidden in that small closet was beyond him but he certainly wasn't going to question it.
"she probably went sleep walking somewhere. satisfied that she's not here?"
he questioned him testily, the temper he was fighting so hard to control obviously spiraling. shaking his head, he nearly walked out on connor from where he stood. he was a man who walked out on people. it was what he was best at, but who could blame him? people had been walking out of his life from the time he was a baby. he hadn't learned anything about staying still for very long, he hadn't learned how to trust from the way he was raised. he only learned manners and trust when he became a part of the selwyn family. but even then, his blood was no good here. his loyalty was what mattered, but in the long run, what did it mean? he was just another pawn for connor to play with and that was something that he was not willing to accept. not after everything that they had been through. but the threats, the lack of remorse for shooting finn in the head was slowly pushing him over the edge. finn didn't need an apology. he needed connor's trust again. radiating anger now, he fumed silently, his temper rising as he thought about how he had been treated ever since returning.
he was like a stranger and it killed him inside. this had been his family but it was easy to get rid of him because his blood was not made from the same line. no matter how close they had been he was not one of them. stepping back instinctively, he brought his gaze to connor's, hearing his whisper. and with that whisper, finn forgot about all of his insecurities, he forgot about all of his issues and once again, put a selwyn over himself, front and center. it was what he was trained to do.
"you haven't lost her connor. she's around here somewhere. it's a big place. why don't you call her?" he tried pacifying him, his loyalty obvious as he shoved himself on the back burner once again. he would not toss kahlan and himself under the bus by informing connor that she was here. while it killed him to see the actual care and concern in his former best friend's face, he couldn't sacrifice kahlan for connor in this moment. they were supposed to protect her above all else, right? he was only following orders. however, as he listened to connor beat himself up more, finn stood there for a moment, at a loss for what he could say. nothing that he could say would fix the way that connor felt right now. finn wasn't stupid. he wasn't going to feed him some bull shit when it was quite obvious that it wouldn't work. connor was always spoon fed words that were meant to comfort him when he actually showed an emotion, but finn was not that kind of person. he told it like it was, and that's what he was going to do now. he didn't sugar coat anything. he lacked a filter, just like connor did. they understood one another because they were so similar. it was how they had communicated so well over the years. it was how they could speak without words. finn kept his arms crossed now, but he looked down at the ground as he spoke, his accent decorated with the familiar irish slur and the staccato russian. it was awful in his opinion but he couldn't change it. he had been trying valiantly. it seemed that something needed to remain to remind him of the past. huffing out a breath, he shook his head.
"connor. you need to listen to me because i know that i'm the only one who's going to tell you what you need to hear." he informed him quietly, his tone respectful, yet still insistent. taking a step forward, he uncrossed his arms, holding his hands out to connor in a kind of 'what gives' gesture. "you are the don of the irish mafia. you cannot lose sight of that no matter what bull shit you're going through. i know connor....i know you aren't right and for fuck's sake, it's okay. everyone falls some time. but you cannot forget your strength because you are one of the strongest men i know. so do me a favor. instead of beating yourself up over things that you cannot change, do something about the shit that you can change. asher can be found. you don't know that kahlan is missing. do what a guardian should do." he finished stoically, his voice remaining careful and steady throughout the entire speech. he wasn't a man who beat around the bush. he wasn't going to make connor feel better. this was a horrible situation. there was no need to pretend it was what it wasn't. but he was overreacting when it came to kahlan. just because he couldn't find her in her room didn't mean that the russians had taken her.
"you honestly think that the russians were able to get in here and snatch her right from under us?" he scoffed, almost embarrassed and offended by connor's insinuations. shaking his head, he turned away from the man, going to the middle of the living room with the limp painfully obvious. he really needed to start using his cane, and as his hand enclosed around the smooth handle of the walking device, he turned back towards connor, bitter and disgusted. keeping the cane in his hand, he didn't put pressure on it because he refused to show weakness in front of connor. tossing it back onto the couch stubbornly, defiantly, he turned and looked to the man as he questioned him about kahlan. as connor spoke, finn listened. as his former best friend spoke, finn's eyes narrowed. he was right. god, he was right and it broke finn's cold heart. snapping his gaze up to him, he listened as connor plowed on, telling him that he knew that he couldn't love kahlan. he needed to put a stop to things before kahlan got in too deep. and he was right. finn was only capable of pain, not love. his parents hadn't even wanted him. he was meant for a life of solitude, of servitude. he was a fool to think he was capable of being the man that she needed.
as connor finished, finn's eyes filled with reality. he couldn't do this to kahlan. bringing his gaze up to the man, finn gave him a nod. "yes sir." and in that moment, he was finn again. he wasn't the man who told connor like it was. he wasn't the man who stood up to him, he wasn't the man who wanted to be a part of this mafia. he was the man who was the soldier. he would serve because he had to, not because he wanted to. he would be loyal because it was the one thing that had been shoved down his throat when nothing else had been worth digesting. he was a horrible mess of discipline, of loyalty, of precision and of fighting ability, but he was not a lover. he could never be a lover. he wasn't soft, he wasn't gentle. he wasn't a man who was capable of giving a girl the world that she deserved. and he especially wasn't that man when kahlan was involved. his lips parted in a silent gasp as the realization washed over him. looking up, he remained wordless as connor turned from the pool house.
he was despondent, he was disconnected and as kahlan rushed for him, wrapping her arms around his waist, begging him not to listen to connor, she had already lost him.
he was no longer the finn she could fall in love with.
trying to pull himself from her arms without hurting her physically, he did his best, but his hand didn't allow him to do much. keeping his eyes away from her, he tried to pull himself free but she wouldn't relent. her words fell on deaf ears, on a dead soul and on a frozen heart. he was finished with letting himself start to feel. it only got him hurt. it only hurt her. he was such a fool. shaking his head, he was about to tell her that they couldn't do this, when suddenly, her lips were on his. that stalled him, it grounded him, it made him doubt his need to follow connor's orders. needing to feel her lips on his, he kissed her desperately, pouring what he truly felt into the kiss. she distracted him, made him want to feel again. but they couldn't do this. no, they couldn't do this. she would only get more hurt if he continued to string her along. connor was right.
pulling away from her quickly, he shook his head. "no. connor's right." he informed her quietly, stoically. he was as distant as he had been the first day he had returned from the russians. her statement before the kiss, her declaration of the fact that she was falling in love with him suddenly turned full circle and hit him square in the stomach, taking his breath away. gasping like he had been shot, he pulled himself out of her grasp, stumbling in his haste because of his bum leg. she couldn't love him. she couldn't even think about falling in love with him. he called on his anger, willing it to come forward, allowing it to breech his once earned happiness, but it wouldn't come. he felt nothing. the old finn really was back, but he still had to make her see.
"you are not falling in love with me. you're naive kahlan. that's what you are. you don't know the things i'm capable of, the things that i have done. you don't know because you've never even had something like this before."
he plowed on, needing to make this as harsh as he possibly could. she needed to understand that they could never be. it wasn't just because of her brother and his stubborn, hot headed ways. it was because of her and because of him and because of the fact that they would never go together. they never could. they were from two completely different worlds. this could never be.
"you're jumping on the idea of what love could be. i certainly don't know what it is. you don't know what it is. i am not worth your love kahlan, and that's not for pity. get out of here. you need to go. you need to go because i'm going to hurt you ten times worse than this if you allow yourself to believe in that fairytale shit in your head. you're going to end up like all of the other women and i can't lose you that way. do what's best for you. get out of here before something bad happens."
finn finished quickly, quietly, not letting any of his emotions show. this was breaking him inside, but connor was right. he needed to listen to connor. shaking his head, he stepped away from her, walking into his bedroom, looking at the bed that he had shared with her last night. he wanted to tear this place apart, piece by piece. he didn't want to be here anymore. striding into his closet with difficult, he yanked a black tee shirt over his head, quickly exchanging his grey pajama pants for his blue jeans. tightening his belt, he dragged his black boots over to his bed and started lacing them up. she had to be gone. she had to be gone because it was going to be easier for her in the long run. she had to understand this. she had to be an adult about the situation. if she wasn't, they could never be, not even friends. finn needed to prepare himself for anything and everything. this was for the best. she would see soon. |
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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 22, 2013 0:01:00 GMT -5
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;]all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi
as her arms wrapped around him, his lack of reaction confused her for a moment, but she ignored it. he was obviously upset by connor's words and stupidity, and his classic stoicness was only showing. she ignored it and hugged herself to him. she needed to feel that comfort he gave her, but as she clutched herself to him, she didn't feel it. she just felt the hardness of his chest, the hardness that was finn, and her heart went cold in her chest. she felt him pull away from her even before he could say anything.
she tried to push the thought away by hugging him tightly and surrounding herself in the feel of him, but he didn't hug her back. his arms hung limply at his sides, and she tried desperately to remember the finn from only minutes before. he'd smiled at her - actually smiled - and he'd admitted he slept well. he'd slept well throughout a night he'd spent with her. she'd fallen asleep in his arms and woken up the same way, and she wanted that every day, every night.
unable to get through to him by hugging him, she impulsively twisted and kissed him. the intensity of the kiss was such that it felt like a last kiss. it sucked everything out of her, pouring out of her in to him. she felt him react to her then, and he kissed her back. relief flooded through her as she felt him return the kiss, but the desperation was obvious in it. he kissed her hard, taking her breath away, and she clung to him, wanting and needing more. her instincts told her this was their last kiss, that she only had this chance, and she needed to take full advantage of it. her irrational mind tried to convince her she was only imagining things and he was just kissing her the way he always did.
but she knew it wasn't true.
her fingers ran in to his hair, and her hips pressed against his waist as she whined against his mouth. she didn't want to let him go. the moment she did, she would never have him again. she already knew it. she sensed it, and she dreaded it.
when she was finally forced to breathe, against her will, she pulled back from him and she almost fell as he pulled swiftly away from her. a cold chill ran over her like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over her head, and she frowned slightly at him. "no, connor's not right," she argued stubbornly. she refused to believe her brother's words. he was a selfish jerk, and he had no right to imagine what her life should be.
she confessed she was falling in love with him, her innocence convincing her that that would somehow keep him. but even as the words fell from her mouth, she saw him look at her with blank numbness. she'd seen the look before. it was one he and connor shared, and she knew what it meant. it meant they'd stopped caring. it meant nothing mattered except the job, the life.
she didn't matter.
he told her she wasn't falling in love with him, that she was naive - he was repeating connor's words now - and she struggled to deny the tears that rose in to her eyes. but she couldn't. her bottom lip began to quiver as she restrained the tears, but anger rose in her chest even as the sorrow of his words settled over her.
"you're not exactly an expert in whatever this is either, finn," she pointed out, hurt and feeling betrayed. her tears were replaced with a building, rolling anger at him and at connor. this was all connor's fault, but as she heard finn's words, and saw that numbness in his face, she believed him.
then he said the one thing that sealed the deal for her.
'you're going to end up like all the other women...' she didn't hear anything else after that. her brain couldn't comprehend any of it. she was going to become one of them. she already was. she was a name on his list, probably halfway through it somewhere on his way to what he really wanted which would be who knew how far down the road.
he ordered her to leave, and her stubbornness refused to allow her to walk out, even though she literally quaked with anger. her fists balled up at her sides and she stood frozen in place as he finished talking. she was so furious she couldn't form the words to respond to him. part of her wanted to slap him for leading her on. he'd allowed her to spend the night with him. he'd told her she could keep touching him, keep kissing him, but he hadn't meant it at all. he had betrayed her.
the worst part was she knew it was going to happen.
it had been her biggest fear when she realized she liked him for more than just his friendship. now he wasn't even her friend. she didn't even want to look at him.
when he turned, emotionlessly, and left the room, she stood for a moment, her petite body trembling furiously. she'd told him she was falling in love with him, and he may as well have laughed in her face. she never wanted to see him again. it hurt too much, and she was so angry she could hardly see straight.
at some point, she left the poolhouse, not noticing where she went. she wandered through the blinding morning sunlight until a familiar voice drifted in through her mind.
"kahlan! were you sleepwalking?" connor asked her, rushing up to her and grabbing her shoulders so she was forced to look up at him.
her light green eyes were devoid of emotion. she was numb. as numb as finn had been when he basically spat in her face and stomped all over her emotions. she said nothing as she stared blankly up at her brother. he'd never seen her like this. she was the bright, happy one. she was his precious flower, but this wasn't her.
"kahlan, what's wrong with you? where were you? are you alright?" he asked her, trying to get through to her as he gently brushed her blond hair back out of her face and stared in to her eyes as if checking to see if her pupils were dilated from drugs or something worse.
she gazed morosely up at her black-haired brother, standing silently for a moment before she found the words she needed to say. "you got what you wanted, connor..."
pulling away from him as he stared at her in confusion, she walked away from him and disappeared in to the house. walking to her bedroom, she entered through the door connor had shimmied open to find her gone, and she slammed it behind her before falling in a heap on her unslept-in bed. face down on the mattress, her chest felt as if it might cave in. the feeling intensified until she turned on her side, pulling her knees up to her chest just as it all hit her. the sob that escaped her throat was loud and so pained that it made her cry harder. crawling up the bed, she buried her head in the pillows resting against the headboard and sobbed until she fell asleep with her eyes and chest burning and her heart broken./style][style=width: 385px; height: 25px; overflow: auto; background-color: 708090; opacity: .7; text-align: center; padding: 8 8 0 8px; line-height: 90%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; color: 000;]
tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, pj's │ notes, <333
I want you to stay
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