if i didn't have you || SCOUT

[nixon mason grey]

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YOU ARE, MY HEART, EVERY BREATH I BREATHE

he didn't know how she had convinced him to come out to this event.

but she had. he couldn't even begin to describe it, and he had tried to make it seem like he would be swamped with work with lysander in order to get the company back, but she had managed to find out that his half-brother was going to this event too. so while he did indeed have a meeting with some other CEO's that didn't include his sibling, he was still being coerced into going to this. it was going to be his first public appearance since he had returned from ghana and he wasn't sure if he was ready for the paparazzi, for the rumors that were going to start spreading like wildfire. his only hope was that the press would be so caught up in the engagement and the selwyns that they would pay him and scout no mind.

shaking those thoughts from his mind, he stared at his reflection in the mirror of the office restroom. he hadn't been able to make it home to get dressed, and he knew he wouldn't, so he had brought his clothes here. he had opted for the classic look. dressing in a simple black suit, he paired it with a white, crisp button up shirt, finishing off the look with a skinny black tie. shoving his black shoes on, he ran his hands over his curly locks, examining them in the mirror. they were a bit longer than usual. he had gotten a bit lax when it came to his hair, especially since his recovery period was taking so long. occasionally he would suffer from symptoms of withdrawal and it would exhaust him, so he really didn't have the want or the energy to do anything, scout had convinced him to shave a little since he had been working on a full grown beard, but now he was trimmed to his usual scruffy state. his hair was a different story. it was a lot curlier than usual because of its length, but he didn't mind, and scout hadn't complained either. deciding to let it be, he stared at his reflection in the mirror for a bit longer.

he had lost a considerable amount of weight, and despite the nutritionist's best efforts, they hadn't been able to put much of it back on him. he was as skinny as a rail and it was obvious even though his suit had been tailored to fit him. his pale face was gaunt and tired looking, and his skin held a sickly shade to it because of the mornings and afternoons he spent throwing up when one of the meals specially prepared for him didn't agree with his system. frustrated now, he tried to forget about what wasn't working. he was supposed to be making this night memorable for scout. he couldn't wallow in self pity. he was getting his company back. he was making a public appearance. he was doing things that could and would be considered normal for him. he just didn't want to deal with the repercussions of appearing publicly like this for the first time in months. all of his reservations came pouring back to him, until he felt his pocket vibrate. reaching in, he pulled out his phone, looking at the text message from his wife to be. her excitement was palpable through the message and he sighed to himself, smiling. he couldn't say no to her.

it was becoming increasingly difficult the more time he spent with her.

shaking his head, he moved from the bathroom, having finished getting ready. grabbing his dress jacket, he slipped it over his thin shoulders and was soon traveling down the stairs. reaching the lobby, he nodded to the receptionist, letting her know she could be done for the night. exiting the building with her stunned expression to follow him, he reached the black and red mercedes parked out front, hesitating only slightly. he was afraid that someone would be lurking, that something bad would happen. his paranoia was awful, and at times, he would wake scout up because of his habits of checking and re-checking their shared condo. he couldn't help himself. sighing, he reached the car, unlocking it and sliding into the driver's seat. he needed to relax. starting the engine, he let it flare to life, his eyes traveling to the clock on the dashboard. he had ten minutes. she would be arriving at the boat in ten minutes. he was going to be late, and she probably wasn't going to appreciate that, but he hoped she wouldn't have to wait for too long.

zooming through the streets of boston, he reached his destination in twenty minutes, pleased because of the amount of traffic he had encountered. however, he wished he had chosen a different car. no one else in all of boston had a black and red mercedes. nixon grey was notorious for his love of black and red vehicles. they surrounded his vehicle with cameras before he could even attempt to breathe. trying not to freak out, he glanced around the area, seeing scout mobbed by her own personal paparazzi fans until they too noticed the car. as he was surrounded, he relaxed, remembering how he used to handle the media in stride. opening his door, he put a boring smile on his face, closing his door behind him and handing the keys to the valet who had managed to do his job and get through the crowds. thanking the man and tipping him generously even before he really did his job, nixon ignored the questions that were being thrown at him, parting the crowd as gently as he could. they commented on his weight, on drug rumors, on horrible, unmentionable things and although it hurt nixon to his core, he focused on getting to scout.

when he reached her, his eyes betrayed his fear, but he swallowed it, reaching for her hand with trembling fingers. finding strength in her touch, he spoke quickly, his voice strained. "let's go inside." he said, his voice shaking as he cleared his throat. once she agreed, he kept her close to his side so she wouldn't be swallowed by the crowd, pushing them both through to the other side of the dock. his body trembled violently, but he was able to mask it as he clung to scout. when they finally reached the ship, he was relieved, letting her through the door first. he couldn't help himself, regaining some of his composure, he lifted his arm up before he disappeared inside, lifting his middle finger in a big, ol' fuck you to the media and their god awful rumors. pleased with himself despite the reports that would appear because of that, he soon joined scout inside, thankful for the peace.

"well. don't you look breathtakingly beautiful, love?"

he tried to appear normal, but it was quite obvious that he was not okay. ignoring it for now, he flashed her a smile that didn't reach his eyes, waiting for her response.

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[SCOUT ELAYNA GREY]

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WHERE THERE IS DESIRE
t h e r e i s g o n n a b e a f l a m e

used to being anonymous, just an everyday person, scout was surprised - and feeling a bit assaulted - by the sheer number of people who recognized her by herself. she was accustomed to blending in, and she honestly preferred her life that way. she wasn't familiar with the flashing cameras and the besotted fans like nixon had grown up with, and as she gathered her red dress in one hand, her clutch purse grasped in the other, to climb out of the car she sucked in a surprised breath as the crowd of paparazzi laid in to her. the last time she'd been in front of this many cameras had been at the masquerade ball, but thankfully, no one had recognized either her or nixon that time. before that, her only memory was a bad one where she'd frozen up in front of the gala for the orphanages of boston. without nixon there to lead her up the stairs, she would've stood gaping like a doe in the headlights of hundreds of cars and been ridiculed past her own endurance. she'd been slandered by them anyway, but she was grateful for nixon's constant presence with her at this sort of thing.

now, she was alone, and she had to muscle through it on her own. her life had changed drastically since that night, and months had passed since then. she was no longer insecure in her love for nixon, and she knew how he felt about her, and they had grown together in a deeply emotional way that they hadn't shared all those months ago. subconsciously, she twirled the exquisite ring on her left hand, the diamonds sliding against the insides of its partnering fingers and comforting her. focusing her mind on that simple feeling, she raised her chin and glanced over the heads of the press as nixon's loyal bodyguard charlie joined her from the driver's side of the car. of course, even though she was meeting him here, nixon wouldn't allow her to drive herself, and he'd sent charlie to chaperone her. the thought made her smile to herself, and the cameras took the opportunity to go insane, snapping pictures of her moment of happiness.

blinking innocently, she glanced over at the burly guard as he approached her, relief flooding through her at the familiar face even he wasn't the man she preferred to see in this moment. she'd wanted to get outside so badly, to just take a walk through the park or play in the yard with rebel, but the paparazzi had been camped outside of their condo for a month now, since nixon had been released and was rehabilitating at home. so many rumors about him spread like wildfire, none of which she listened to because she knew they were all false. in the past three and a half months, since he'd been kidnapped, drugged and almost killed, and then returned to her, all that mattered to her was the two of them. none of the lies meant anything to her, and she ignored them. she had relearned him in the past month since he'd been home, and stronger, and her confidence in the two of them overpowered any self-doubt the flashing cameras could impale on her.

i'll help you through, miss scout, charlie offered, and she smiled a small, appreciate smile at him as she gripped her dress tighter in her right hand and followed him. she wasn't surprised as the reporters began asking about nixon's noted absence, and inwardly, she rolled her eyes as she maneuvered through the crowds toward the massive gangplank that would carry her to the safety of the casino. holding her purse in her left hand, she subtly made sure her ring finger was visible, proud of her engagement to the only man she would ever love the way she loved nixon. plus, seeing the jewelry shut the press up about the rumored 'trouble in paradise' because they weren't arriving together. all of the rumors were silly really, and she wanted nothing more than to push through the crowd and get some fresh air while she waited for nixon.

thankfully, the gangplank - even as wide as it was - didn't offer any space for the camera-clickers. she almost stumbled as she left the crowd of them and stepped up on the bottom of the walkway. the familiar roar of a mercedes engine caught her attention above the voices of the crowd, and she spun, releasing her dress in a fountain of red fabric as she saw nixon's sports car pull up on the street. smiling radiantly as he stood out of the car, her heart flip-flopped when she saw him. she still wasn't immune to his handsomeness, and as he moved around the car and toward her, she only had eyes for him. charlie gently directed her out of the flow of foot traffic ebbing up the plank, and she allowed him to pull her to the side as she watched the bodies, waiting for nixon to reemerge. she couldn't clearly hear all of the questions and accusations the press was throwing at him, which was a good thing since it would have angered her, but she lifted her chin and glared down at them as they assaulted him with more vigor than they had her.

suddenly, he appeared right in front of her, and her face glowed with the relief and joy at seeing him. her blue eyes widened imperceptibly, and her heart skipped a beat. it had been so long since he'd been out in a suit, and combined with his curly copper hair and stubbly face, she had to refrain from leaping into his arms and kissing him in front of all of boston. warmth stirred in her belly, and she naturally reached for him as he reached for her hand. meeting him halfway, she sank gently against him, hearing his fervent whisper and nodding in agreement. the mob had shifted as the two of them joined forces, trying to envelope them again, and scout willingly walked along with him as he led the way to the cruise-liner. she felt him shiver against her, and she leaned in to him for support, squeezing his hand with hers.

as they reached the entrance, she gracefully gathered her dress and stepped over the threshold, glancing back over her shoulder as nixon lingered behind her. seeing his action, she burst out laughing and was forced to cover her mouth as a few lingering guests glanced at her as if she was crazy. composing herself, her eyes danced with amusement as nixon came through the entryway after her. she could see the unease in his eyes, although he his it well, and the tenseness in his shoulders as he approached her. it diminished nothing from his imposing figure, and she bit her bottom lip slightly as he walked to her and announced that she was beautiful. her cheeks grew rosy as she looked shyly up at him with a small smile, brushing a loose piece of the blond hair back from her face out of habit.

"it hope it's worth it; it took me half the afternoon to look like this," she teased, smiling easily up at him. impulsively, not giving a damn if anyone could see them, she gently reached out and gripped his arms, standing on her toes to kiss him on his lips. although he smiled, she knew him well enough to know that this entire situation disconcerted him. all that mattered to her was that they were together, and he needed to know that. leaning in to him slightly, she told him with her kiss that everything would be fine, that it only had to be them, and it only would be them. her right hand slid up his arm and into his hair, his curls hugging her fingers as she gently wrapped her fingers into the coppery tendrils. part of her hoped the paparazzi got a lovely view of it, but the larger part of her didn't care.

"thank you," she whispered as she pulled away from him, looking up into his steely gray gaze with her doe-like blue eyes. "for the compliment and for agreeing to bring me here tonight," she clarified, smiling as she lowered herself back onto her heels. her fingers trailed down over his shoulder until they found his hand once more, intertwining her fingers with his.

glancing over her bare shoulder, a result of the dropped neckline of her gown, she peered through the entry level of the casino that was already teeming with people from every escalon of society. only invited guests were allowed - probably thanks to the fact that the irish mafia not-so-quietly wanted to announce their power over everyone in boston, which meant reminding the richest of the rich that they were in fact merely pawns in a bigger game - but thankfully, this prevented the vultures outside from getting in. the event was publicized as the engagement party for connor selwyn and eli byrne - two people scout understood to be the up-and-coming ruling couple of the irish faction - and scout marveled that such opulence would be thrown into something as seemingly simple as an engagement party. they were on a five story cruise ship for goodness's sake.

each floor featured every vice worthy of las vegas and atlantic city, and it was as if the two cities had been combined into one extravagant sinful indulgence onboard the expensive ship. unaccustomed to such wealth, scout openly gaped at the levels through the opening in the center of the place that exposed the belly of the ship all the way up to the highest level. music and voices and the sounds of chips and cards slapping tables combined for an over-the-top experience she couldn't describe.

"strangely enough, i've never actually played poker," she admitted, looking over at her fiancé as they walked hand-in-hand around the outer rim of the bottom floor. her eyes glinted as she got a mischievous thought, and she smirked knowingly as she leaned over to whisper in his ear. "we could practice when we get home, and when i lose, i'll let you do whatever you want," she bit her bottom lip playfully, her hand moving to gently tug at his tie, her eyes watching him with a flash of want in her gaze. "you could consider it your reward for being a gentleman and taking me out of the house for a night," she teased him, releasing his hand and sliding her arm through his as she leaned her head over on his shoulder for a moment, looking back across the room.

"didn't you say lysander and jo were supposed to be here tonight?" she asked, furrowing her brow slightly and pushing that errant strand of golden hair out of her face as she searched for his brother's familiar face accompanied by his girlfriend who happened to be a friend of scout's from when she was still on the police force.

NOTES BABIESSSS <333

THANKS

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