promised forever || CONNOR

[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] ROLLING IN THE DEEP ! she sat in her husband's to be office chair, her blue eyes pouring over the forms that needed to be signed and filed, and then handed off to their deliverers. she had been given an easy task, one that would give her little to no stress, and she loathed it. but it was something to do. she wasn't allowed to do the job that she was bred and trained to do so she had to settle with what was handed to her. as connor selwyn's fiancee, she had expected some control, but not like this. he was smothering her with his protectiveness, but she couldn't blame him. not with what had happened. however, it didn't make doing this any easier. the fact that she was getting bigger and bigger each and every day wasn't making her enjoyable to be around either. while eli had never truly cared about what she looked like before, ever since she had been raped and brutalized, she was extremely self-conscious. she even had a hard time being naked in front of connor, even though she wasn't scared of him in any way. she just didn't feel beautiful anymore and she was having trouble accepting things when it came to the physical aspect of her life. sighing softly, she just shook her head. connor loved her, there was no doubting that. she just needed to relax, but her pregnancy had her on edge constantly. she was worn out and exhausted, and it was obvious even though she tried to desperately hide it from anyone and everyone, especially connor and kahlan. they were on her like wolves when she wasn't looking her best. and today she certainly wasn't looking her best. she was paler than she had been in quite some time and the circles beneath her eyes were darkening as each minute passed by. she had succeeded in lightening them by applying make up, but since she never wore the stuff, someone was bound to notice eventually. sighing to herself once more, she put down the pen, knowing she needed to watch the time because of her doctor's appointment. it was just a check up, but she wasn't looking forward to it. she was getting more and more irritated lately about going any place because of how big she honestly was now. she didn't understand. she wasn't that far along and after researching lately because she had nothing better to do, she didn't see any woman as big as she was. so of course, in her hormonal frustrations, she sent connor out for more food. he never complained to her face, and he always jumped to get her the things she felt she needed when he could. she appreciated him. and then she realized she was running late. "shit, shit, shit!" she cursed loudly, not believing she had lost track of time like this. connor was going to be worried sick, and it wasn't going to be good for anyone involved. she was running thirty minutes behind, which meant she was supposed to be at the clinic in ten, which meant that connor was already there. groaning to herself, she grabbed her cellphone and sent him a quick text message. everything's fine, i lost track of time. i'm on my way now. making sure it sent, she pocketed the phone and hurried from connor's office, trying to sprint down the hallway but failing miserably. giving up, she took on an awkward shuffle, making it to the shared bedroom and throwing open the closet. knowing she should look slightly presentable since she was going out in public, she settled for the leggings that looked like jeans, glad that they were stretchy so they wouldn't make her uncomfortable. switching her sweatpants for the maternity wear, she pulled on a over sized, light blue button up shirt. rolling up the sleeves to her elbows, she left the top three buttons undone, revealing her white tank top. pulling on a pair of knee high brown boots, she left her hair in the messy ponytail, not really caring about that. once ready, she grabbed her jacket and pulled it on, then tried to zip it up. when it wouldn't go over her belly, she burst into tears. hormones sucked. grabbing her cell phone again, she dialed her fiance's number, not wanting to face the public now that her jacket wouldn't zip up. losing her composure completely with him, she tried to keep herself calm when she heard him answer the phone. "connor!" she balled into the phone, her voice thick with her tears. she was probably scaring him, simply because she never cried, and she didn't usually get upset like this. when her hormones kicked in, she turned into a witch. she had never lost herself like this. "connor, we need to re-schedule the appointment! i can't get my jacket to fit!" she wailed into the phone, the tears streaming down her face as she huddled on the bench in their massive walk in closet. "wear one of YOURS? are you kidding? is that some kind of a joke? i don't want to have to wear one of yours! i want to wear mine and i can't because it won't zip up because i'm SO FAT!" she finished sobbing hysterically into the phone, listening to connor as he managed to convince her that she would be fine, and that she just needed to put on one of his jackets because she was already late. managing to get herself under control, she nodded even though he couldn't see. "okay. i'll wear one of yours and you can curse yourself for having such a hideous fiancee. see you soon." she finished, ending the phone call and grabbing one of his many peacoats. tugging it over her shoulders, she instantly took comfort in his smell, glad that she had decided to put it on now. buttoning it up, she ignored how it swallowed her up and was soon out the door, heading to the car that connor had no doubt arranged for her. ducking into the opened door, she settled down and tried to relax. it didn't take them long to get to the doctor's office, and once she saw connor's car, she found she didn't want to be seen by him. she was absolutely disgusting right now, but she had no choice. as the bodyguard opened the door, and then took her gently by her elbow to escort her inside of the building, she didn't even argue and fight him off as she normally did. going inside, she saw connor sitting tensely in the middle of the waiting room. not meeting his gaze, she sat heavily beside him, but not for long. the nurse came out as soon as she heard that eli had arrived, smiling brilliantly at the expecting couple. "come on in, you two. we'll get started right away." eli finally looked at connor then, her eyes holding worry and then panic. she didn't want to be without him in the exam room, no matter what they were going to do to her. reaching for his hand suddenly, she clung to him firmly, her fingers vice like as they stood together and started into the hallway that led to their exam room. "don't you dare leave connor." she muttered to him quickly. as they were escorted into the room, the nurse and connor both had to coax her to let go of her fiance's hand. eli was never needy when it came to connor. ever. she never clung to him physically when they were out together, and she didn't do it at home either. these hormones were going to be the death of her and him, but it was almost nice to show her need for him. she never did and sometimes she felt as if she was shorting him. when they both managed to get her to let go of his hand, she changed quickly into the gown, letting connor help her even though she was so self-conscious. she didn't care at the moment. finally settling onto the exam table, she grasped his hand once more, looking up to him with wide blue eyes. "connor, i'm scared." she whispered to him, her fears betraying her strengths in this moment. she was so worried that something would be wrong when they did the ultrasound. "what if they don't find a heartbeat?" she voiced to him, her eyes welling with tears at the thought of losing another child. she was an absolute wreck today, and it just proved her exhaustion. she needed to rest more, obviously. something WORDS , TAG CONNOR, OUTFIT , SORRY SHE'S SUCH A WRECK. DARN HORMONES :'D

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

OOC note: I don't know why the template's all messed up. Probably because they hate me lately, I'm sorry -__-

[CONNOR GREGORY SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: D0D4D7; border: #526976 solid 9px; width: 410px; padding: 5 5 5 5px;] i can live without you but without you i'll be miserable at best connor selwyn was not a patient man. he never had been. he never would be, no matter the situation, no matter who or what he waited for. it was part of his nature, and he was nearing the age in his life where he was getting closer and closer to being incapable of changing his nature on a physical level. he could try, but he didn't know how much his effort would actually change anything. he was naturally volatile by nature, given his hot, irish blood, and he'd been raised to be a soldier and a killer. there was little softness to him. if there was an ounce of softness within him, it was his family, and ultimately, eli. his family had been the one constant in his life since childhood. the mafia had been his playground, and its members, his playmates. everything he was had been formulated in the mold of the irish mob, crafted by the hands of the evil that had become his life. this all amounted to him having a low tolerance for waiting and feeling inexplicably violent as a result. standing with his hands shoved into the pockets of his characteristic black duster jacket, he leaned against the brick wall on the side of the clinic he has especially commandeered for the occasion. he worried little about eli's pregnancy - other than wanting to tear konstantine's head off for daring to touch her - because he was a man and he understood very little about the entire process to begin with. however, when his sister informed him that eli had been avoiding the doctor and it was well past time for her to be checked up, his protective nature kicked in and he'd used his commanding personality and coerced her into an appointment. this also entailed buying out an entire clinic for a day, staffing it with people he could trust to maintain the appropriate decorum, and hiring the best obgyn in the area to see to her. being one of the wealthiest criminals in boston had its perks. his cellphone vibrated in his pocket, distracting him from wherever his thoughts were going, and he pulled it out, flipping it open to a text message from eli. seeing her words, he clenched his jaw and dropped the phone back into his pocket, not bothering to answer. the way his mood was dropping just from having to wait, it was wiser to not reply at all. "go retrieve neil and check in on his little ballerina," connor spoke suddenly, his green eyes cutting over to his brother lennox as he emerged from the clinic to his right. lennox looked down at his hands as he pulled his expensive leather gloves on over his long fingers, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly. "what do you want with them?" "i want to see how she's progressing," he snapped, his eyes blazing from his impatience and his lack of control when it came to showing his abrasion toward his younger brother. lennox took his ire in stride as always, and lifted his head, his shoulders rising and falling ever so slightly with a deep breath sucked in through his nose. "if you no longer need me here..." connor opened his mouth to snap at him again, but he was cut off as his phone rang loudly in his pocket. holding up a finger, he withdrew it and saw the familiar name and number on the screen. "hold that thought," he ordered, answering the phone and instantly hearing eli's frantic tone on the other end of the line. "eli, eli, calm down," he attempted to urge her, but she talked over him, crying that her jacket wouldn't fit her. his momentary pang of worry after only just receiving a text saying she was fine, fleetly fled from his mind and his eyes hardened as his fingers tightened around the phone. "i don't give a shit about your jacket. we are not rescheduling this appointment after i put the time and money in to setting this entire thing up. wear one of mine," he spoke lowly into the phone, struggling to maintain the control over his voice. he had little sleep, and he didn't tolerate emotions well, never had. "do i sound like i'm kidding?" he snapped hotly, closing his eyes and reining himself in before he said something he would regret. taking a deep breath, feeling lennox's gaze on him, he opened his eyes and forced out a controlled tone. "if you say you're fat one more time, so help me... you are pregnant, eli. you are not fat. now, put on one of my jackets, and get your ass down here." she remarked with a self-degradating response and hung up on him before he had the opportunity to respond which was probably wise. he was tired of the bashing she did to herself when she was the only woman who'd ever been able to capture his attention longer than one good fuck. it exhausted him to think of explaining the simple importance of that fact, and he didn't bother. when the baby was born, all of her hormones would be back in control, and he wouldn't feel as if he was going to strangle someone at all times. he just had to scrounge up some ounce of self-control in the meantime. that was going to be a gladiator feat in and of itself. "go," connor growled dangerously at lennox. his brother knew better than to argue, seeing the dark anger boiling behind his older brother's eyes, and lennox nodded slightly before turning to brush past connor and down the street. he would fulfill his brother's wishes, as he always did, loyally and obediently. it was the least he could do after he'd betrayed connor the night of the casino boat incident. he didn't wish to relive drowning again anytime soon. finding the cold only grated against his nerves and irritated him further, connor turned and went inside, having the entire waiting area to himself. the office was quaintly and pleasantly decorated, but it served to placate him only slightly. he was on edge, not having realized that attending a doctor's appointment would set him off so, and he removed his jacket to hang it on the nearby coatrack before setting himself in a chair. unable to sit still, he rose and sat three times before eli finally arrived, and when she did, he watched her like a hawk as she entered and refused to return his gaze. she was probably pissed at him because of a mixture of her hormones and his tone with her earlier. snapping his fingers, he was mildly pleased by the instant reaction of the staff as a nurse arrived from behind the front desk and ushered them toward the back rooms. shifting his weight to rise to his feet, he was brought up short as eli's hand clamped strongly around his. he glanced at her, frowning slightly, until he saw the worry and fear in her face. even if she was hormonal, and his mood was affected by it, her innocent panic over this entire situation brought about his natural protectiveness. knowing she needed his strength, he easily gave it to her, practically hauling her to her feet as she clung to his hand, and they rose as one. hearing her words, he raised his eyebrows and the hint of a wry smile played across his lips. "why would i? i have a lot of money invested in this," he half-teased, walking with her through the hallway to the exam room. surprisingly enough, he was at ease in hospitals, and he easily walked to the room, leading her the entire time. this calm was remarkable for a man such as himself who was usually so on edge and forceful. her vice-like grip on his hand only lessened when he fixed her with a look that clearly communicated how impossible it would be for anyone to remove her from his protection, and then she finally went to change into the gown. when she finally settled onto the exam table, and the nurse asked her when her last visit was, connor's green eyes flickered to the nurse. "she hasn't had one. this is the first," he commented. the nurse returned his gaze with a disdainful look, but his emerald eyes flashed, warning her to keep her opinions to herself. "how far along is she?" "about three months now, i guess?" he commented, glancing at eli for confirmation. she'd gone through this pregnancy on her own for a while before she'd told him, so he wasn't entirely sure how far into it they were. he was a horrible judge of such things since life was not his forte; death was. hearing eli's small voice, so unlike her, he looked at her. his free hand brushed her blond hair back out of her face, and he attempted a calm smile and succeeded. "there's nothing to be scared about. nothing is going to happen to you or the baby." "have you had any irregular bleeding in the past three months?" the nurse asked when she overheard eli worrying over finding no heartbeat. hearing the negative answer, the nurse smiled and nodded. "there's nothing to worry about then, dear. we'll get you all checked out." "see?" connor noted, returning his gaze to her and smiling as the nurse rubbed the cool jelly over eli's protruding stomach that would allow the sonogram to slide smoothly over her skin. "you sure are carrying this baby high," the nurse commented, prepping the machine and gliding it onto the irish woman's stomach. "that means it could be a boy, you know." the nurse winked, and connor smirked approvingly, glancing pointedly at eli. "of course it's a boy," he replied confidently. "or two..." the nurse added, her brow furrowing for a moment before she grinned broadly. "wait... what?" he asked, turning a confused look on the technician. he felt eli's grip change on his hand, but he felt numb with surprise as the nurse's words sank in. "listen closely. hear that sound that sounds like a washing machine on the beach? that's the baby's heartbeat coming through the amniotic fluid, but listen here," the nurse shifted the sonogram to the side and there came the echo of a distinct second heartbeat. connor's eyes widened and his grip went slack in eli's hand as he stared at the sonogram as if it was defective. "you're having twins!" the nurse exclaimed happily. words ### tagged eli notes notes here

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[ELI LILLIAN BRYNE]

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style,background-image: url('http://i53.tinypic.com/wb98wn.jpg');,true] ROLLING IN THE DEEP ! eli needed to get herself under control. she didn't know what had gotten over her lately. the hormones were raging but she had thought she had managed to control them to the best of her ability. yet here she was, blubbering like a fool over the fact that her jacket didn't fit her anymore because she was pregnant. thinking to the words connor had spoken to her over the phone just moments ago made her eyes brim with more tears. she was an emotional wreck and she hated herself because of it. she never cried. she never complained. she never whined. but lately, those three things seemed to be all that she knew how to do and it was driving her crazy. she knew that it was driving connor crazy as well and she honestly felt bad for him. she didn't want to make him miserable through this pregnancy, but something was different about this one then the last. while she wasn't being tortured through it, this just felt different. it was difficult to explain, but she sensed it. maybe that meant she was having a boy after all. connor would be thrilled, but she wouldn't tell him that she felt different. the baby that she had lost was not a topic that she brought up, ever, and connor seemed to be perfectly accepting of that. they didn't talk about it because it was easier. while eli didn't want to ever forget about the child that they could have had, and she never would, she didn't want to live in permanent misery. a part of her would always feel empty because of the child that had been murdered senselessly, but she wanted to live her life now. even if that meant facing these horrible hormones. shaking her head, she forced herself into the jacket that connor had told her to grab, trying not to feel like a balloon because of it. she was pregnant, not fat. she just had to keep repeating the words that connor had just yelled at her over the phone, even if she didn't appreciate his tone. she was being unreasonably ridiculous, and if yelling knocked some sense into her, then she would take it without much complaint. that didn't mean she had to act like she liked him though. so when she walked into the clinic, she ignored him for more than one reason, which he probably picked up on. however, as soon as she actually had to face the reality of going through this appointment, she clung to him as if her life depended on it. meeting his familiar green eyes and finding nothing but strength there comforted her, feeling at ease because of how easily he slipped into the father to be role. taking a deep breath, she exhaled softly, nodding in response to his words, trying to force a smile on her face. "you always know exactly what to say, don't you?" she managed to tease back, which was a relief. the fact that eli was still able to make digs back at him was a good sign; a sign that she hadn't completely lost it yet. nudging him with her elbow, she stood with him, letting him pull her to her feet. she certainly didn't want to go back there, but his confident stride gave her no room to argue. gulping, she kept her hand in his, trying not to be separated from him as the nurse urged her to go get changed. meeting his gaze after more urgings, she finally relaxed, recognizing the look. connor was here. nothing was going to happen to her. konstantine wasn't going to show up suddenly to ruin this moment. gazing at him for another moment, she turned away from them both with her gown in hand. emerging moments later after folding her clothes into a pile, she slipped up onto the exam table without much complaint, listening to the woman's words. a guilty expression crossed her features as she noted the disdain in the nurse's features, but connor managed to shush the woman with one look. eli gazed at the nurse as she approached her and she felt the need to explain herself so she didn't seem like a horrible mother. "before you jump to conclusions, just know that there is a very good reason for my lack of visits." she explained vaguely, knowing that it wasn't a decent answer, but not caring. she didn't need to be descriptive, she just needed to make a point. as the woman didn't seem convinced, eli was about to snap, but the nurse's question and connor's answer prompted her silence. it looked like she wasn't going to be allowed to say much during this visit, but it served her right for not wanting to come here in the first place. but her fears washed away her anger faster than she could blink, and she nearly shrank away from the technician as she approached her with the jelly that she would not to rub onto her pregnant belly to read the sonogram. feeling connor's cool hand on her feverish forehead helped her, letting him brush her blonde hair away from her face. looking up, she was more than surprised to find the calm smile fixed upon his handsome features and she knew in that moment that she needed to relax. this was just as hard for him as it was for her and it wasn't fair for her to be losing her mind like this. as the technician spoke up and questioned her, eli shook her head, further comforted by the response from the medical professional and connor. leaning closer to him as the cold jelly touched her stomach, she sucked in a breath at the difference in temperature, her hand staying in connor's as the woman placed the device to her stomach. hearing her comment about how high she was carrying, she fixed connor with a look. "don't even think about it. we want to be surprised, remember?" she told him warningly, playfully. secretly, eli was hoping for a boy because she knew that connor desperately wanted one, but she would never admit to that. looking back at the screen, she caught the woman's frown and her words, and eli's heart skipped a beat instantly. she thought the worst automatically. "what is it? is something wrong?" she panicked initially, her fingers squeezing into connor's hands so hard that she was sure to be cutting off his circulation. but he seemed to be just as concerned, and as the woman readjusted the wand on her stomach, eli listened to her explanation, her mouth parting in silent surprise, trying to process what she was saying to them. there were two heartbeats? that meant...it couldn't....this wasn't happening. "two heartbeats. connor...connor there are two heartbeats." she voiced, obviously in awe, her other hand cutting across to hold onto his with both hands now. she couldn't believe this. they had lost one baby, and it seemed that they were going to be marked by that tragedy forever. but now...now they were being blessed with twins. her dazed expression suddenly turned into a smile and she couldn't stop herself. lifting her hands from connor's, she cupped his face, making him look at her. "congratulations, daddy." she whispered softly to him, the delight in her features apparent. the prospect of being a mother to twins terrified her in the same way she knew being a father terrified him, but they were in it for good now. they were having twins. unable to help herself, she pulled his face down a bit more, her lips finding his in a kiss that said more than her words ever could. something WORDS , TAG CONNOR, OUTFIT , SORRY SHE'S SUCH A WRECK. DARN HORMONES :'D

table by california dreaming @ caution 2.0

[CONNOR GREGORY SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: D0D4D7; border: #526976 solid 9px; width: 410px; padding: 5 5 5 5px;] i can live without you but without you i'll be miserable at best "thankfully for you, it's just sound and not an image," connor picked on her as she chided him about keeping the gender of the baby a secret. he would willingly find out what it was, but she didn't want to and that meant he was in the dark as well. he disliked surprises, but he respected her wishes in this. he could feel her anxiety through her hand, and he realized how woefully unprepared he was for comforting her. he was miserable at it. he'd never comforted anyone in his life, and he'd barely been comforted himself. he was cranky and exhausted from lack of sleep thanks to being woken up in the middle of the night for pickle runs, and he was easily cranky without the added factors. his father had trained him how to be a soldier, a fighter, but he'd never trained him for emotions. he had little defense against them - aside from anger - and he failed at that softer side that was meant to comfort people. he closed himself off and grew darker, going the opposite direction from where he should go. his hand gently returned her touch, squeezing gently against her vice-like grip. he was calm, not worried about the child although she was. it could be chalked up to blissful ignorance about the entire pregnancy process, or it could just be that he honestly was not worried. he knew when to worry, and right now, he didn't feel that familiar pang that clued him in to that sort of thing. "there are two heartbeats," he echoed eli, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the wand against her belly. a numbness swept over him akin to the way he'd felt when she'd first told him he was going to be a father. now he wasn't only going to be a father, he was going to father two children at once. eli released his hand and he didn't feel it. however, her hands went to his face, pulling him over into a crouch so he was forced to look at her. his eyes were wild, and his mouth gaped open slightly as he focused on her. daddy... he'd said that once. he had only called his father that one time, and it had been when he was too young to know better. kyson selwyn wasn't a daddy. he was a father, a leader, but not a dad. dads were people who sat on the couch and watched football with their sons. not men who taught their sons how to shoot guns before they could barely walk. but that wasn't entirely true for kyson had been more of a dad than anyone else connor knew. sure, to societal standards, the selwyns were fucked up forty shades from sunday, but in their world, they were the primeval. they were the shining example of solitude. they were the standard. yes, they were twisted, but they ruled their domain with an iron fist. only kyson selwyn could have built such a foundation, and now connor had to keep that building stable. he would have to become at least half the father his sire had been. she kissed him, and he kissed her back, his nerves and mind warming back to reality at the touch. the kiss was calm, unlike the rest of her had been, and he allowed his calm from before to return. it was still a baby, only this time it was two. it wasn't any different really, or so he believed. and kahlan, lennox, and asher would be there to help them through all of it. he knew they would. blood above all. "two boys is definitely better than one," he commented with a wink as he pulled away from her, his grin spreading teasingly over his handsome face. "this means you'll need to be especially careful of your weight so you don't gain too much. and having twins isn't easy when it comes to breastfeeding - if you choose to do that, of course - and naptimes and diaper changes. you're gonna need a lot of help," the nurse piped in, breaking the moment. connor turned to look at her, his green eyes dancing with unreadable emotions. "there is plenty of that, trust me," he replied simply, his tone belying no truth. the people in this clinic knew who he was, knew who they were and what they stood for, but they were paid good money to serve them. he didn't even worry about full disclosure (because he was reckless like that and assumed lennox would clean up any mess he might make, like always). "we'll need to see you again in about four weeks to keep a close eye on the twins," the nurse mentioned. "we won't be coming here," connor interjected, his hand sliding down eli's arm to her hand where his fingers comfortably slipped between hers. "i'll arrange something, i assure you." his tone was clear: he was in charge of this entire operation, and the doctors would have no say in anything eli and he didn't agree to. words 835 tagged eli notes ---

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