BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY -SAXTON-

[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar sloan targaryen was not a woman to feel victimized by anything or anyone. she was consistently in charge, even if she had to weasel her way in a situation to do so. she was notoriously manipulative and seductive, and many people she met hated her. the only person who'd ever actually cared about her was saxton, and she'd sufficiently fucked that up by breaking his heart. she knew it. deep down, she knew. on the surface, and rather deeper, she also didn't care. she was cold-hearted; it was what kept her alive in this world. for the first time in her life, as sloan slid down the wall and fell onto her behind on the cold cement roof, she felt like the victim. her body hurt, and she felt small and cold. it didn't show on her face - since nothing showed on her face; she was numb - but she wanted to curl into a small ball and forget this entire night. she'd felt so victorious when she'd heard nixon's girlfriend reveal she was a cop, and now she felt like a small little girl. she was helpless and alone. usually she had no problem being alone - she preferred it that way, actually - but she never felt helpless. she wasn't in control, she hadn't been in control when that man raped her, and she hated not being in control. she heard saxton's voice like an echo in her mind, like a memory. as he knelt down beside her, her eyes looked at him, but she didn't really see him. she felt her rapist's hands all over her, on her hips, bending her roughly and hard over the wall. when saxton put his jacket around her, she flinched and balked at the touch, some feral part of her mind believing she was under attack once more. that was when the haze in her eyes cleared, and she recognized him. she relaxed more than she would like to admit when she realized it was him, but her defenses were shattered from the rape. when he scooped her up, she didn't fight him even though his touch grated on her skin like sandpaper. she felt raw and used, beaten and battered, and the touch near her behind as he scooped her into his arms did nothing to soothe her. his voice was harsh as he ordered people out of their way, and all she could do was cling to him. her body hurt so much, and she had a bruise and scrape on her left cheek where her attacker had roughly shoved her head into the wall as he bent her over it. she felt warmth seeping between her legs as saxton lowered her into the seat of the car, and she tried in vain to stop it as he buckled the seatbelt around her. she'd been so viciously attacked that the soft tissue between her legs had been torn, but it was, thankfully, only on the surface. suddenly, his hands were on her face, and her hands snapped up to grip his wrists as she reacted to defend herself. realizing she was still with saxton, she relaxed, her eyes filled with emotions of abuse and desperation. she was out of control. she hated not being in control. when he released her, she sat stiffly in her seat, unable to move as she felt the blood pooling between her legs. it hurt and it embarrassed her more than she cared to admit. distantly, she knew her dress would be ruined and that angered her. she sat so stiffly in the seat as they rode to his apartment that her back was sore by the time he stopped the car and pulled her out. willingly, she allowed him to simply scoop her up again since she didn't think she could walk or function without being ferried around. he took her into his apartment, a place she'd only been once before and never through the front door, and she stared numbly around as he settled on the couch, pulling her into his lap. it was such a simple gesture, and she usually would have pushed him away and mocked him, but she was too weak for the show. she began trembling as she sat in his lap, the germaphobe in her balking at the idea of her bloody dress getting him soiled as well. her body shook and her lungs lurched in her chest as she struggled to breathe normally. she was in shock. "n-no..." she managed, a panicked look coming to her eyes as he mentioned the hospital. "i c-can't... no hospitals..." even if she didn't hate them out of principle, she wouldn't want to take this to the hospital. she didn't want to admit she had been raped or have to answer the questions the examiners and doctors would ask her. she would be fine without their help. that was what she told herself. the tear between her legs wasn't severe, she knew it wasn't, and it would heal. she would just have to be extra careful for a few weeks. she shook visibly in his arms now and tears threatened the backs of her eyelids, but she fought them away. she wouldn't cry in front of him. twisting in his grasp, she pressed her nose against his neck, breathing in the spicy scent that was him. she was sore and broken and she had been used in a way she never would have imagined. out of all the people in the world this could happen to, the irony that it would happen to her was overwhelming. naturally and impulsively, she pulled back from him slightly and kissed him, feeling something familiar in the midst of the insanity that was her night. she didn't want to sleep with him again - she couldn't even if she wanted to - but her defenses were too far down. she needed to feel his familiarity for once, needed something she was used to. pulling away from him, her eyes flitting open slowly, she shifted in his lap and stiffly rose to her feet. her muscles ached from fighting back, and her head was beginning to hurt from being cracked against the brick half wall. rubbing her eyes, applying pressure against her closed eyelids, her brow furrowed before she slowly opened her eyes once more. she was a wreck, and she knew it, but she couldn't care. she was too numb to care. reaching down, she grabbed his hand and hauled him up off of the couch after her, leading him to the bathroom. once inside, she didn't bother closing the door. she needed to rinse the sin off of her, and she knew she couldn't do it alone. he had to understand that even if she couldn't explain to him why. pulling her black dress off and dropping it unceremoniously in a heap, she winced at the pain in her lower back and between her legs as she turned the shower on as hot as it would go. she needed to burn it all off of her. turning to look at him, her face devoid of emotion, her eyes numb, she unbuttoned his shirt and set his holster on the cabinet beside the sink. pushing his shirt off of his shoulders and away from him, she unbelted his pants and pushed them down, leaving him in a state of similar undress. turning her back on him, she stepped into the shower, removing her bra and underwear and allowing the scalding hot water to cover her in their place. she hoped he wasn't stubborn enough to misunderstand what she wanted; she wanted him to accompany her, if just for the closeness of his familiar skin and his smell. she knew him. she'd slept with him. she'd kissed him. she'd betrayed him. their ties ran very deeply, and he was the closest person to her considering the circumstances. she had no one. she needed him. she knew it, and she hated it, but it was true. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (IN HER SIGGY) NOTES (HOPE IT'S OKAYYY)

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[SAXTON WESLEY POND]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcd4c7; border: #eae4d8 10px solid;] i knew you were trouble This was not the Sloan Targaryen that Saxton Pond knew; this was an entirely different woman running on auto-control and Saxton knew that. She was completely closed off and she was running on sensations of touch around her. She said not one word nor moved her head from it's place as he drove her away from the masquerade. He did intense damage to the gun shot wound and the state that his shoulder currently was in. Sloan was too far out of it to notice and he was glad. She was hardly functioning herself and Saxton knew he raped her, he didn't have to ask. He could just tell that was what happened to her. The entire police force would be out for this man and while Saxton wanted to see the bastard rot in a jail cell for what he did, Saxton knew he wouldn't be one of the ones picked to solve the case. This man was violent and they would need someone to wrestle him down and render him useless if they needed. Saxton wasn't able, he was doing simple light cases as of right now and he was fine with that. With Sloan in his lap, he could tell she was in shock and he tried everything in his power to soothe her. Suggesting they go to the hospital didn't sit well with her, she sputtered out words saying she couldn't and Saxton took those words as a blessing. She hadn't spoke any other words thus far and these would most likely be her only. He nodded, "of course... you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to." He reassured her softly, it was all he could do for her. Her noticed that she was fighting tears, but he didn't want her to cry any more than she did. He knew she just didn't want to be humiliated and asked questions, poked, even prodded. She was coming out of shock slowly and he could only be here for her as a familiar presence. To his knowledge, Saxton was the only person in Boston besides Nixon Grey that Sloan knew. Since she was after the other man for a debt, he knew he was her only choice. He wouldn't throw her out, she could leave when she was ready. His guest bedroom where they had given into primal lusts and had sex was where she could lay her head and sleep at ease. He had since then washed the sheets on that bed - he was a man who required a tidy home even if to others that seemed overly obsessive. Everything about Saxton's house was neat and organized, a symbolism that he was the dominant male of the home. It was the way he liked things and he wouldn't settle for less. Even if he believed strongly that he felt nothing but hatred for this woman in his arms, he knew somewhere deeply hidden that he was still very much in love with her from the first time they met to the night she broke his heart. Through all of that, even if he believed he didn't want her here because it wasn't in his big picture, he wouldn't deny her his comforting presence. She put her nose flush against his neck and he put up the braces for her to cry. Her tears wouldn't sway him from what he thought of her, but he would hold her through the night and as long as it took for her to feel at ease. Yet, she didn't cry, but he felt her breathe in his soap. He would have found it odd if he didn't know the circumstances, but he could tell she was searching for something, anything about him to make her feel at ease. It wasn't his smell, as she pulled away from him. Their lips met and locked, Saxton was taken back by her action. He eased into it knowing she was still searching - he believed the kissed helped, and he knew she wouldn't want more. If she wanted more, she wouldn't get more - it wasn't the right time for something like that and he forced down closure on her their last time together. This was just to help her through a rough time. She stood and he felt his arms following her, but he withdrew in a spasm of pain from his shoulder. He didn't want her to push herself and worried that she thought he wanted her gone. The words didn't come to reassure her, his teeth grit and grind against the pain from his shoulder. He couldn't feel it, it felt too numb. He was too aware that it was numb. Watching her, she took his hand that wasn't connected from the ailing shoulder and lifted him to his feet. Following, he felt his stomach churn it's contents - he wasn't completely positive exactly where she was leading him to. They ended up in the bathroom and it clicked. She wanted to shower and feel clean again. Understandable, but he wasn't entirely sure why she needed him here. He moved to sit down as she stripped, but she turned to strip him down to his knickers and he was perplexed. Sloan was always slightly odd to him, but that was part of why he loved her so quickly. Stiffly he slid out of them and glanced at his shoulder in the mirror. He ripped open stitches and he cursed at himself mentally. She needed him, it was an emergency, it wasn't as if he went to a gym to bench press, he was saving someone from danger. He slipped in to the shower behind her and was thankful he had a high threshold for scalding hot water. He gave her a minute to dip her raven locks and soak them in the water. Finding his simple shampoo, he poured a generous application into his hands before he started to scrub and massage her scalp with his fingertips. This wasn't the first time they had showered together, but it had been years since their last time. His hands moved out of memory, he remembered just the way she liked things. When he was finished he urged her to rinse he hair. He grabbed a washcloth, wetting it thoroughly and finding his body wash he mixed it throughout the cloth. Holding her hair in a bunch, he started at the end of her hair line and worked his way down her back, washing and cleaning for her. He was gentle and reassuring, but when she turned for the front of her to be washed, he was timidly respectful and offered for her to do it herself. She was a rape victim in this moment and while he was comfortable washing her hair and back for her, he wasn't comfortable venturing to her breasts of crotch just because he didn't want to trigger her and make her feel frightened. He kissed her forehead and rubbed her arms to be comforting, he didn't know what else to do for her. WORDS: 1180. TAGGED: SLOAN .

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[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar feeling weak was not her m.o. she hated it. she liked being in charge, and she was naturally a very dominant person. she knew saxton was the same way, and she imagined that was a big reason the two of them hadn't worked out. they were good as partners before she'd turned to the criminal life because of their dominant personalities, but in a relationship they clashed. the sex was rough and amazing, but the actual loving was lacking. sloan could love no one more than she loved herself. she led him to the bathroom, and she knew he would follow. not because he was an obedient little puppy dog, but because he somehow could still read what she wanted, and right now, she wanted him with her. she wanted his familiarity, and she wanted it in her own way. in some way, this was her controlling nature showing itself. she knew he would understand her and do what she wanted when she'd had no control over the man who had raped her. glancing at saxton in the mirror, she noticed the stitches in his shoulder and his wince in pain as he saw them. she'd been in the underground long enough to recognize a gunshot wound when she saw one, but she didn't feel it was her place to ask him about it. they weren't friends, they weren't even lovers, and if he wanted to talk about it then he would. so she turned from him and stepped into the shower, closing her eyes as the heat of the water scalded her skin. she let the water run over her face, blocking out all sound in the room so she didn't hear him as he stepped in behind her. the blood washed off of the insides of her thighs, turning the floor of the shower crimson as the sin washed from her. her hair became soaked, sticking to her back and forming a river of hair down her spine as the water burnt her skin. she felt him behind her before she ever saw him. stepping slightly out of the water so she could hear again, she heard the snap of the shampoo bottle and smelled his familiar scent as he poured it into his hand. the gel was cool against her heated scalp, and although she would usually push him away for doing something so intimate like washing her hair, she stood still as he ran his fingers against her scalp. the movements massaged her skull and she closed her eyes, relaxing slightly from his ministrations. he worked the shampoo through to the tips of her hair until soap was piled up on her head and she stepped into the shower to rinse it out. the soap bubbled down her shoulders and back and between her breasts, mingling with the hot water to soothe her raw nerves. the body soap came next, and she shivered slightly as the wash cloth touched her back. the touch of him against her skin, even a man she was familiar with, set off an alarm in her head especially since he was standing behind her. vibrant, violent memories of her rape hit her like a ton of bricks and she sucked in a deep breath. thankfully, he steered carefully away from her waist, keeping the soap above her hips and across her shoulders. he intuitively knew she wasn't ready for anyone to touch her there outside of herself, and she appreciated it in that deep dark place within her soul that remained human. when she knew he was done with her back, she dropped her hair down her back and turned to face him, looking up with her rich brown eyes. he offered her the rag to wash the rest of her body, and she accepted it impassively, not showing her appreciation on her face. balling it up in her hand, she reached out slowly to touch the healthy skin around his gunshot wound. moving to slide past him, she pushed him into the water so she was standing behind him. although he'd seen everything on her before, she was self-conscious in this moment as her body had been used against her will. standing behind him, she leaned her forehead against his shoulder and washed her chest down to her navel. slowly, she progressed between her legs, wincing from the ripe pain there but knowing she had to clean herself. she couldn't stand the idea of that bastard being there, lingering there. she found herself scrubbing until the pain was a dull ache and her shell-shocked mind could accept that no remnant of her rapist remained. hastily cleaning her legs as well, she finished and dropped the cloth to the floor, her hands gripping saxton's shoulders to turn him to face her. her fingers traced his wound again, and she gently brushed her hand over it, washing away the dried blood on his shoulder. not looking him directly in the eye again, she impulsively slid her arms around his neck and hugged herself against him, their bodies making a squishing sound as she pulled herself against him. her hips arched out slightly, subconsciously keeping her raw sensitivity away from a male organ, but the rest of her stuck against him as she desperately clung to his safety. she'd never felt the need to be protected before - she'd always done a marvelous job of protecting herself without anyone else's assistance - but she wanted him to keep her safe now. her right hand rose and slipped into his closely-shorn hair as her face turned so she could bury her nose in the humidity against his neck. she knew he knew what had happened to her without ever having to say it. it was obvious from the blood and her behavior. she never would have allowed him to be tender with her if something life-changing hadn't happened to her. she knew he knew this. he was also a cop, and a good one whether she liked to admit it or not, and he'd seen this sort of thing before. she wasn't special. with her nose and mouth pressed against his neck, her head leaning against his healthy shoulder, she sighed against his hot skin. "what... happened...?" she asked quietly, knowing he would understand she was asking him about the gunshot. she hadn't intended to query him, but she needed to hear her voice to convince herself that she was okay. she wasn't okay, but perhaps she could fool herself into thinking it. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (NONE ATM) NOTES (HOPE IT'S OKAYYY)

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[SAXTON WESLEY POND]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcd4c7; border: #eae4d8 10px solid;] heaven has a plan for you; don't you worry now these were emotions that were unacknowledged, an unspoken bond that they would always be in one another's mind. saxton knew that sloan found solace in the familiarity he had to offer her. they both grew apart in their two years of separation. saxton grew along the rigid line of what was right and sloan, she grew to no set line, she was marching to the beat of her own drum. he imagined that her plans for the evening were originally something dubious, mischievous even, but that had been robbed from her. saxton could only offer her his presence and familiarity. the gentle actions had always been who he was, she would remember that about him. no matter how stiff of a board he was when they first met and even out in the public, saxton was a gentle caretaker in the quiet of his own home. he would take care of sloan until she was ready to be on her own again. it was almost as if they never separated, here in this bathroom he felt as if he was twenty-five once more and she was his partner. they trucked through an abandoned warehouse that was believed to hold weapons for a street gang, they were both covered in disgusting grime and dirt that saxton drove straight to his apartment for a shower. he never intended for it to be a joined shower, but that's just how it happened. it was so intimate back then, it was all a first for him. here in this shower, despite the unfortunate circumstances on sloan's behalf, it was suffocating him, mentally, how intimate this was. here he told himself he didn't still love her, that he truly had moved on, yet he was massaging her head and carefully cleaning her dark locks that once drove him in a craze. he loved the bounce of the waves and the curls, he loved how smooth her tanned skin was, he loved her does eyes; he had loved her. he told her that over and over again, but he couldn't remember if she had ever returned the sentiment. he was almost positive she never had. remembering it hurt worse than the stinging pain of the raw opened wound on his shoulder. with his hand outstretched and offering her the washcloth, he wouldn't wash her clean herself. the crimson tainted water pooling on the floor of his shower was enough to make his stomach churn. he could stomach blood, but it didn't mean that it didn't make him feel ill at the sight. a part of him was enraged that someone could do this to a woman. he was a man who could hardly talk to a woman without locking jaw and stumbling over words. a man forced himself upon sloan and the protective man in saxton wanted to shoot him between the eyes. a rather violent thought, but saxton couldn't handle the rage in either way. if he ever fell into crime as sloan had, he would be a cold-hearted killer. that frightened him, the thought of being a killer. the man who raped sloan killed someone tonight and the life of the other was on the line, he heard the calls around the masquerade from the force. he disappeared into the shadows with sloan. his job wouldn't be compromised for such an action, but he had to lay out the reason methodically in his head. he could not say who she was or what happened to her, but he could phrase it in a way as a familiar person he knew fainted and was ill once she heard the news. he took her home, as was his duty to protect the citizens of this city. he was protecting sloan, as it were, in this moment. he withstood the scalding heat pouring down his body as she cleaned herself. his eyes turned down, he watched the streams of red pool in the bottom of his shower. he hated the color, he never wore it nor decorated it. it would always remind him of carnage, together in their job together they saw many scenes like the one at the ball this evening and all made saxton feel so remorseful and angry. he wished he could save them all. her small hands turned him around and he found her pressed against him without his member touching her. saxton wrapped his arms around her mid-back, the safest place he could touch her without triggering something. it was quiet except for the water hitting their skin and falling to the floor. all of it felt natural and saxton flinched as her fingers brushed his wound. he clenched jaw and listened to her question what happened to his shoulder. there was no need to lie to her about what happened and he felt possibly, she just needed to hear him talk. "I received a call that there was a yacht in the harbor that was an illegal meth lab. my partner on that case went down and it was a set-up. we fought, i had a concussion and went to swing, i did get that guy in the jaw, but as we were jumping into the ocean, they fired and it made contact with my shoulder. i'm laid up for six months, probable to be more now that i did a no-no. but i don't regret it." he broke from her grasp and turned off the water, pulling aside the shower curtain he stepped out and grasped a towel, pulling it and tying it at his waist. he offered her another and wrapped it around her slim frame. "let's make something to eat, watch a movie... it'll be nice. ... i have shirts and lounge pants you can wear." WORDS: IDK, ENOUGH. TAGGED: SLOAN .

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[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar distantly, she was surprised he was being as tender with her as he was. she deserved for him to be an asshole toward her, but he wasn't. instead, he was being a gentleman, caring even. the familiarity, the tenderness, the silence: it all soothed her. she was like an abused animal, cringing at any tiny movement and ready to bolt at any time. but she wasn't running from him. she didn't intend to run from him. she needed him whether she cared to admit it or not. she didn't have to admit it in the front of her head. the truth was there far beneath the surface, and it didn't need to be voiced. she needed to hear her own voice, needed to hear herself lying and sounding like nothing had happened. she needed to hear his voice as well, needing to hear him confirm that nothing was amiss. she hadn't been raped. she hadn't been broken. she was in denial and shock simultaneously, a painful numbing mixture. her fingers dug into the skin on his shoulder-blades as her arms wrapped beneath his armpits and she held him tightly against her. she couldn't see his face with her nose nestled against his neck, but she could feel the rumble of his voice as he began explaining what had happened to him. it was mundane to her, a drug bust gone wrong resulting in a concussion and a gunshot wound. it was mind-numbingly average, and it was the most soothing thing she could hear in that moment. hearing him talk about anything other than what had happened to her helped her forget. hearing his calm, bass voice calmed her shell-shocked spirit. as he mentioned how long he was laid up and something about a no-no, she wondered what he meant. was he in trouble for screwing up the drug bust? or did he mean what he was doing for her. he didn't regret it. she found she didn't regret it either. she needed it. she was still selfish, and she knew this was all about her, but she did need him now. she made it a habit to never need anyone, but she needed saxton. too soon, he pulled away from her to shut off the shower, and she shivered uncontrollably as the shower curtain opened. thankful for the warmth of the towel, she reached for it, but he wrapped it around her before she could take charge of it. looking up into his brown eyes, there was no emotion in her eyes: no anger or irritation. she was grateful for his regularity, and her defiant spirit was sleeping beneath the pain of her rape. he returned her gaze and suggested average, every day activities they could do. she didn't know how to respond. her usual spirit - the version of her that had existed for two years since she'd left him - told her to pop off to him, to ridicule him for even suggesting such silly things. her human side, the side that was bared to him as a result of the abuse she'd taken at the hands of the rapist, peeked her head out from beneath the layers of defense she'd built, curiously asking if they could stay. hugging the towel tighter around her shoulders, she shrugged her shoulders slightly as she climbed out of the shower after him. her body was still sore, and she walked with a slight limp as she climbed out, wincing from the spark of pain between her legs. hastily drying herself, she tied the towel around her chest and wrung her hair out in the sink. "something loose would be nice," she admitted, watching him as he led her to the clothes he'd promised. accepting a sweatshirt and pair of sweatpants, she could already smell the familiar scent of him on them without having to bury her nose in the fabric, and some small part of her liked it. looking up at him as she took the clothes, she acted on impulse and stepped toward him, the clothes between them. leaning up on her tiptoes, she kissed him chastely on his lips again. she couldn't explain these impulses, but she communicated through sex and physical contact. without sex - counted out because of what had happened to her and her lack of desire to be intimate in such a way for a while - the only way her body knew to communicate was through the small touches she'd given him. it wasn't even sexual, at least in her mind, it was a needed touch with another human being. he could keep hating her. she could keep hating him. she just needed to feel him. she needed to feel someone she knew beyond a doubt who would never hurt her the way that man had done tonight. her free hand went into his wet hair, his hair slipping between her knuckles as she ran her hand up the back of his head. getting her fill of his lips pressed to hers, she finally backed away, turning her back on him to return to the bathroom to dress. she fluctuated between moments of desiring intimacy and desiring solitude. thankfully, saxton had the foresight to give her a pair of his smaller boxers, and she tugged them on, thankful for the snug closeness around her hips. her own underwear were destroyed on that roof, and now her dress was as well from the blood. she'd burn it the moment she got somewhere where she could. she didn't care about evidence. she wanted every remnant of that bastard out of her mind, out of her life. tugging the sweatshirt and pants on gingerly over her body, her nerves more relaxed than when saxton had first found her but still feeling raw even now, she wrung out her dark hair one last time and braided it down her back, tying it up with a hair tie she found in one of the many drawers in the bathroom. why he needed a hair tie, she would never know, but she was in no place to ask questions. satisfied with her frumpy, baggy appearance, she departed the bathroom and slowly entered the living room to find him in front of the television. lowering herself gently onto the couch, she balked at the feeling of the pain on her bottom, and she shifted her weight, laying over against him so the weight was removed from her hips. sliding her shoulders into his lap, she patiently allowed him to choose the movie. feeling at ease, she said nothing, letting her mind blank out so she didn't have to think about the pain of the evening or the weird understanding she had with Saxton. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (NONE ATM) NOTES (HOPE IT'S OKAYYY)

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[SAXTON WESLEY POND]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcd4c7; border: #eae4d8 10px solid;] heaven has a plan for you; don't you worry now quietly he turned away from her, his towel wrapped and tied around his waist. he padded down the hall to his bedroom, the room he chose to keep sloan out of the last time she was here. now she entered in a completely different context than saxton would ever have imagined. this sloan he was comforting was not the sloan he ever knew. he hardly got to know the woman she grew into the past two years besides the fact that she was a criminal. they had sex, she got what she wanted and he received the closure that he needed. now he wasn't so sure exactly what this was except for a hand outstretched for help. he would help her, but he couldn't allow himself to believe or think that he loved her, that he still loves her after all this time. under this context this seemed so entirely wrong to be so concerned over his own emotions docking at the harbor in his heart. pulling open a drawer, he pulled out the smallest pair of boxers he had. they held no value to him, he tried them on once but realized he would always be a medium at smallest. these would fit her the best any male underwear could. setting them on top of the bureau he pulled out a pair of black sweats with a draw string and a large t-shirt with the name of his university printed across the chest. this would be enough for her, he decided as he scooped up the clothes and offered them to her. without grasping them, sloan was on her tiptoes. almost reeling back out of instinct, her lips found his once again. these actions sent so many emotions pulsing through him as they kissed, their lips moving in a way that was as if sliding into a pair of old shoes. sloan trained him well when they were together, the muscle memory was a firm reminder of that. his hand instinctively found the small of her back as they kissed, yet when she was finished he was respectful. it was too much too process, but he could only grasp that the reason for all of this intimate behavior was to calm her. their separation gave him time to find his bearings. he rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes and slapped his face quietly. he had to push all memories of their time together that he loved from his head. this horribly bizarre night was to comfort her. none of this meant anything to her at all and he was getting all sentimental with emotions for her. quietly, he slid on new knickers and the black sweats, and a similar shirt to what he passed to sloan. leaving his room, he set out to grab two bottles of water from the fridge, two chocolate puddings, and two spoons from the fridge. this was all the food he had to offer, never the type of man to shop for groceries until he was completely out of it. he set down his gathered "meal" on to his coffee table and sat down on his couch. sloan could take her sweet time, but he had the worry she would do something stupid being apart from him. he muted the television as he searched and decided on the movie, 300, despite knowing it was gory. she rejoined him and he briefly glanced at her as he allowed the television to make noise once more. "i brought out a bottle of water and chocolate pudding for you. take it or leave it, you won't hurt my feelings either way over a meal i slaved over preparing for you." he teased lightly, trying to give her the sense of normalcy she was searching for by just being here. his fingers found her hair against and gently massaged her scalp, petting her, in a way he knew would comfort her. she had always been a woman that expressed her emotions through touch. when they were together two years prior, she expressed some of her thoughts just by touching him. grabbing his arm to stop him, squeezing his hand when something was bothering him, a pat on the chest - simple things in passing, he always knew the meaning without think of it. here, in boston, he was expressing that everything would be fine just by the simple light brush of his fingertips through her hair. he would stay awake with her all night, let her stay next to him as long as she needed. then she would be gone and it would be as if it never happened. none of this intimacy mattered, really, and it hurt him, confused him, but it was too far buried by the overwhelming need to tend to her that no one notice, not even himself. WORDS: IDK, ENOUGH. TAGGED: SLOAN .

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[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar thankfully, he seemed willing to allow her to touch him and kiss him when she wanted. she needed it. it made her feel like a normal person even if he hated her and it wasn't normal at all to kiss a person who hated you. deciding not to dwell on it, she dressed in her own time and then exited the bathroom to see him perched on the couch with pudding and water. she hadn't thought about her appetite since the attack, honestly, but she was hungry now that she thought about it. knowing he wasn't the domestic type, she wasn't surprised that pudding and water were the only options he had to offer. not arguing, she settled herself on the couch and turned so her pained bottom was safe, laying herself across his lap as the movie roared to life. she didn't mind gore on the whole - she would never survive her lifestyle if she did - and she actually loved 300. they'd watched it eight times in the theater when it had been out, and it was worth the money every time. she wasn't a girly woman who couldn't take an action movie. twisting so she could eat her pudding, she swallowed the slimey substance and watched the movie in silence until she'd finished the entire container without realizing it. glancing into the empty plastic container, her stomach suddenly churned at the realization that she'd eaten nothing but chocolate pudding for hours. the movie distracted her, the blood spurting out of some guy's neck. uncharacteristically, her stomach flip flopped violently, and she sat up instinctively. her neck grew hot and she realized she was going to throw up. leaping up from the couch, she ran for the bathroom, falling over the toilet and retching violently, emptying her stomach of every last ounce of pudding and anything else she'd happened to eat since breakfast. the smell was horrible, and she tried to flush it away, but it got into her nostrils and made her throw up all over again even as the water flushed away from her. hovering painfully over the toilet, feeling the pain between her legs like a fresh wound from the pressure of her body heaving, she leaned against the commode for support for a minute before she could muster the strength to rise. her stomach still curdled unpleasantly, but she had nothing left to give. bracing her hands on either side of the sink, she examined her pale face in the mirror. a blood vessel had burst in her right eye, and she looked absolutely horrible. filling her hands with water, she splashed it in her face and then fought down another wave of nausea by planting her palms on the sides of the sink and staring relentlessly at her reflection. she attributed it all to the stress of the evening. her body was still in shock, and hours of not eating meant her body couldn't handle the slimy pudding. she should have just kept to the water and foregone the pudding altogether. washing her face once more, she dried her face in the hand towel and shakily moved back toward the living room. noticing saxton nearby, she paused and looked at him, knowing how horrendous she looked with the burst blood vessel and the paleness of her face. "too much stress..." she managed meekly, gripping the hem of his over-sized shirt around her waist, tugging on it to distract herself. "i don't think that movie is a good idea right now," she admitted softly, holding her head in her hand as she leaned against the wall. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (NONE ATM) NOTES (HOPE IT'S OKAYYY)

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[SAXTON WESLEY POND]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcd4c7; border: #eae4d8 10px solid;] heaven has a plan for you; don't you worry now everything was dying down now that they were out watching a movie together. this movie, they had watched it together, eight times when it was in theaters. that was eight dates back when they were together and some of them led to quick sex in the bathroom while they waited for the next showing. it was a wild time in his life and he smiled to himself as he thought about it. he didn't even long for the pudding he set out for himself, he was amused by the memory of their time together. he knew he shouldn't have thought about it, but he couldn't help the memory from surfacing. sloan was his first girlfriend, his first love, she was never a person he would forget unless he was hypnotized or it was beat out of his memories. she was a part of him forever. he would always welcome her, even if he knew he shouldn't do it. after tonight he would push her away again. she would disappear, finally, and it would be as if none of this ever happened. it was holding out for when she was ready to leave was proving difficult. he watched her take down that pudding with mild amusement - he knew he should have ordered something that way she could eat her fill. suddenly, she flew upright and bolted for the bathroom. slowly standing on his own feet, he slightly followed until he heard her relieve her stomach of all it's contents. he was worried, the poor woman didn't have much strength in her for the night. he shut the television off and grabbed their bottle water. he moved to his room and set each water on it's own stand. the television rose from it's hiding place within a bureau and he turned it on with a quick click of a button. this time he found a simple romance flick and paused it, thanking the lord he had dvr, and found himself drifting. he waited for her quietly, wondering if she was alright. she opened the door and he took in the site of her, running ragged from the evening's horrible turns of events. he nodded when she summed it all up to stress, because he could believe it. rape was something no woman should have to come to terms with. sloan was no different even if she had done awful crimes in her past. gently reaching out, he pulled her back into the bathroom. there was nothing he could do for the blood vessel that burst in her eye, but he pulled open a drawer for a new toothbrush and a travel-sized mouthwash. "to get the taste out of your mouth." he murmured the words quietly, kissing her brunette locks, her ear, her cheek, then her jaw. an act of affection before he traveled down to his room and sat. what was he doing? his would just cause him more pain and strife than it was worth. he just had to be here for her, yet he found himself doting and taking care of her. it was as if he was twenty-five and madly in love with her. he tried to convince himself he was just taking care of her but he knew, that the deep hidden secrets he buried came surging back - telling him he was doing all of this because he loved her. she would always be important, but he made sure they were completely over. laying back in the bed with his torso propped up, he waited for her, when she came to the doorway he pat the bed beside him and waited expectantly. once she was in bed, he would hold her tight, stroke her hair once more. the movie would play, but he wouldn't watch it. he would kiss around her face, then kiss her lips again and convince her that it was okay to fall asleep in his arms. they didn't have to speak words, the words would keep them awake. they could both drift into sleep. whether or not she was still there in the morning would be up to her, but if she was saxton would make her his favorite breakfast meal that he made: waffles. WORDS: IDK, ENOUGH. TAGGED: SLOAN .

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[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar hearing the television shut off, she relaxed, grateful that he was willing to end it for her. her stomach couldn't take more gore, and for some reason she had absolutely no appetite although she'd just puked up everything she'd eaten recently (which really wasn't much). the only thing she could think that she wanted was pizza, and then suddenly the craving was so powerful it overtook her and her head spun from the intensity of it. she wanted pizza, and she wanted pizza now. hearing him in the bedroom now, she entered and found him sitting calmly on the bed with the tv flicked on to some mundane romantic comedy. her eyes were wild - making the bloodshot right eye look haunted probably - and she hastened to his cellphone, grabbing it and the nearby phone book. flipping it open to the first pizza joint she could find, she hastily dialed the number and waited impatiently before someone answered. she ordered a pineapple and jalapeno pizza - it sounded absolutely delicious for some reason - in addition to some jamaican jerk chicken wings and a double chocolate chocolate chip cookie. during this entire process, he moved past her out of the bedroom, silent the entire time. when she hung up the phone, he pulled her back into the brighter light of the bathroom, and she allowed her hips to brush into him as he pulled her after him. he retrieved a toothbrush for her, and she accepted it, appreciating the gesture. when his lips brushed her hair, she leaned in to him, her head tilting back as his lips traveled down to her jawline. her sweet spot was just below the curve of her jaw, and he remembered it. it sent a shiver through her that she didn't know how to interpret. she didn't know if she liked it or if it grated on her already-raw nerves. but he released her and departed then, leaving her alone in the bathroom to brush her teeth. although the pizza she'd ordered would more-than-likely make her breath smell awful, she brushed her teeth rigorously until all she could taste in her mouth was the cinnamon flavor of the toothpaste. this took three brushings until she was satisfied, and she rinsed out the toothbrush and propped it up in the cup beside his. gingerly, she examined her eye, knowing no permanent damage had been caused even if it looked bad. returning to the living room, she heard him in his room once more, and she shut off the bathroom light before walking into the bedroom. she felt no obligation for sex as she walked to his side and slid onto the bed. turning her body partly toward him, her knees touching his, she laid her head against his good shoulder and gripped his shirt in her hand. she didn't see the movie even as she stared at the television. her thoughts were consumed, fluctuating between killing the pizza guy for taking too long to deliver her food and wanting to pass out from exhaustion. her body felt much more tired than it ever had before, and her mind was worn out from processing and reprocessing what had happened to her. she began to doze off against saxton's chest until the doorbell rang and jolted her away. with a surge of energy, she scrambled from the bed and raced for the door, wrenching it open to glare at the delivery boy. paying him and chucking spare bills his direction without bothering to count them, she slammed the door in his face and was soon in the kitchen. loading a plate with two pieces of pizza, several chicken wings, and the chocolate chip cookie, she returned to the bedroom with her mouth full of food. an innocent look passed over her face as she chewed like a chipmunk, settling herself on the bed as she scarfed down the meal. it was a strange assortment, and usually she would be nauseated by the idea of such food, but she couldn't get past wanting it with every ounce of her being. it felt so right, and the tastes intermingling in her mouth pleased her as much as good sex. she moaned delightfully as she finished the pizza and set in on the cookie, devouring it in moments. disappointed it was gone, but satiated, she sat indian style and licked her lips, wondering why he was looking at her like she'd grown a second head. "hungry?" she asked innocently, if such a thing was possible for her. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (NONE ATM) NOTES (HOPE IT'S OKAYYY)

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[SAXTON WESLEY POND]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcd4c7; border: #eae4d8 10px solid;] heaven has a plan for you; don't you worry now he couldn't pinpoint this feeling buried deep inside of him. perhaps it was still complete and utter loneliness despite he brought sloan home and she was right here beside him. loneliness was a plague of an emotion and he couldn't shake the feeling off as he normally would. saxton was raised a lonely boy and none of that had changed to being a lonely man. if anything he should hate sloan for hindering him so much. because of their intimacy when they were partners, he couldn't work with female coworkers without believing each one could turn out to be like sloan. he couldn't date properly, because even with closure he still felt a sense of loyalty to her. he couldn't move on from her, and she made him all alone in this world. he couldn't deny her in her time of need, but he was honestly confused to the core. being there for her didn't need this bizarre sense of intimacy they were acting upon, but he couldn't stop himself. he couldn't stop the kisses or the lingering brush from his fingers. she was just as much of a seductress as she had ever been and even when assaulted from a man, she still could place saxton under a spell. yet, as he lay in his bed with his eyes staring up at the ceiling, he felt a surge rush over his body, like he was suddenly doused with cold water from the crown of his head to his toes. there was not a person in their right mind that would spend time with him like this. he didn't have any friends and his family was dwindling out at accelerating rate. sloan wanted nothing to do with him unless she needed something from him. before her banter had been for a simple address and he caved into urges and gave her what she wanted. he doubt he even needed the sex as much as she made him believe he needed sex. he told himself it was for closure, but it was a lie and he bit his cheek at the thought. now sloan needed him because of something tragic that had happened. in any other circumstance she would never rest with him at his home like this. even if he could admit to his tender emotions and doting for sloan, she would never settle for this lifestyle for him. so ultimately, even as she slid in next to him in his bed, they both weren't watching the movie their eyes were facing. he tried to will himself to fall asleep, he tried to imagine that she would leave him in the morning and everything he considered as normalcy would become once more. he'd think about her periodically throughout his day and try to tell himself that these emotions of love would fade into nothing. even if it was a hopeless whim, he still kept feeding himself the thoughts, hopes, and dreams. everything would turn to normal come the morning, so whether or not he could keep the normal face for sloan, he didn't know now that he had the painful epiphany. together they almost fell asleep in his bed. she was waiting on for her food to arrive and he was waiting for his mind to shut down. he was tired from his own exhausting day, his shoulder wracked in pain. each throb made him more uncomfortable, but no matter how much blood slipped from his cheeks, he would keep biting them until sleep settled in. his doorbell rang and he rolled on to his stomach in a last ditch effort to keep falling asleep. sloan lurched from the bed on to her feet as she went down to retrieve her food. her behavior swing got him at a lost. his meager chocolate pudding made her wretch, but now she desired pizza of all greasy abominations? he heard her swing open then slam his door shut and he winced. that was it. all last ditch efforts of trying to sleep were forced awake with a mild ache in retinas. sighing, he propped himself on his elbow and pushed himself up to relax against his headboard. he smiled at her, a smile of amusement, as she returned and settled in next to her in bed. he couldn't help but watch her in a bit of disgusting fascination. she really mowed down on her food and he never saw her eat this way. they had dined together in the past but this ravenous, insatiable sloan was not a sloan he was used to. he wondered if this was some sort of compensation to accept or avoid what happened to her. she asked if he was hungry, but he was more mildly curious than did he have any hunger. "the pizza looks.... and smells.... interesting."he commented as he stood and headed to the kitchen. grabbing a single slice, he inspected it before trying a bite. chewing, he felt a gag he couldn't suppress come forward as he set down the pizza. rushing to his trash can, he stepped on the pedal and lifted the lid. spiting out the pizza in a way that was almost vomit, he shook his head. there was something certainly wrong with sloan if she though that was a good combination. slicing off his bite, he left three-quarters of the slice back in her bock and tried a chicken wing. not caring for that, either, he settled on his pudding and bottled water that was back in the bedroom. making his way back down, he flicked off lights he turned on as he joined her. settling beside her, he shook his head as he settled back down to lounge next to her. "that pizza is the most disgusting thing i've ever tasted in the entirety of my life." he rubbed his face after closing her dark eyes. he wanted to sleep, because the thoughts and questions he wanted to ask sloan he couldn't keep reinforcing his weakening willpower against them. she already had a difficult evening, he didn't need to make it worse. yet he couldn't stop all the questions and before he knew it, one was rising to the surface. "Sloan.... What did I do wrong to make you leave? ... I would have done anything for you.... Did none of it matter? Anything about is? Was it all just a big joke to you? I loved you. Sloan.... I..." He caught himself, choking up he looked away and found solace in the area rug underneath his bed. He didn't dare say those words to her. She didn't want him, she didn't want to hear it. He was just a body to use, I still love you. WORDS: IDK, ENOUGH. TAGGED: SLOAN .

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[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar she refused to examine how all of this evening spent with saxton was making her feel. she was off-kilter and not normal after what had happened to her. she'd been raped. she'd been slammed against a wall so roughly she had a scrape on her face where her skin had made contact with the bricks. she was a criminal, and she had accepted and embraced that life for herself, but she'd never been so personally violated. criminals screwed one another over all the time. that was precisely what she intended to do to nixon grey when she got her hands on him, but rape was something different entirely. it was a personal affront, an assault on the mind and body. it was a crime so low, even criminals despise it. even if she hadn't been the victim, she would never wish such a thing on another person. now that she'd experience it personally, she felt even more strongly that no one should be a victim of such a crime. the memories of being crushed against that wall, hanging out over the city while she was helpless to defend herself, crashed over her and she shivered visibly as she swallowed her pizza. instinctively, she pulled her knees up to her chest after setting her empty plate aside, closing her eyes as she curled up against saxton's side. she hadn't been able to protect herself from what happened. no one had. no one would. no one loved her, and she loved no one. that was her motto. she didn't live by it intentionally, but it happened. she'd pushed everyone away except her parents because they'd done that on their own. they were naturally flighty people, essentially living out of a RV and traveling europe for a living. she'd been trained from a young age that settling was unacceptable and boring. to this day, they weren't officially married to one another, and instead, they lived together and kept their separate last names. it made for a screwed up, if loved, childhood for sloan. she couldn't handle commitment, and she balked when she was stationary. it had turned her into a wild spirit, free and incapable of setting down roots. deep down, she knew saxton had his claws in her. she'd gotten closer to wanting to settle with him than she ever had before. it started as a simple fuck with a coworker, but they'd dated, and she'd allow him to get farther under her skin than she should have. when she'd realized it all, she'd run. she'd taken on the life of the criminals they had once tracked together, and she'd broken his heart on purpose. she'd become selfish and self-centered, and she'd shut off her human emotions so she no longer cared. but far beneath the surface, she still cared. it was impossible to turn it off altogether. she wasn't a killer, although she had the capability if she set her mind to it, and she wasn't insane so she was incapable of shutting off her humanity completely. but her powers of denial were remarkable. her ability to run from what she could possibly feel was amazing. hearing saxton's comment about the pizza actually made her smile, but with her face turned away from him as it was, she knew he couldn't see her. shrugging slightly, she answered, "more for me." feeling his breathing slow in his chest made her wish she could fall asleep, but she didn't know if she wanted to. she didn't want to stay the night with him, but she did. she wanted to kiss him and touch him and feel him. she wanted him to do the same to her. she couldn't say that it was sexual because she didn't want to have sex; she just wanted to explore him. it made her chest constrict with a feeling akin to lust, but one that she could control in a long, low burn. was it even possible to lust for someone without wanting to have sex? without feeling anything other than that lust? her name on his lips caught her attention, pulling her out of her confusing thoughts. she shifted against his side, turning her face up to look at him as he found his words and began speaking. What did I do wrong to make you leave? I would have done anything for you. Did none of it matter? Anything about us? Was it all just a big joke to you? I loved you. His words hit her in a barrage, and even in her emotionally weakened state, she stiffened. Pushing up from where she'd been leaning against his side, she set her jaw. she couldn't deal with his questions now, not after what had happened to her. she didn't know the answers - or she wouldn't admit those answers to herself - and the pressure settled on her chest like a weight. although she wanted to balk - she wanted to run from the settling she felt at the sound of his words - her hand stayed against his side, her fingers gripping his shirt slightly. fear swept through her although it never showed on her face. what remained human within her wanted to answer him, but that inhuman part that ruled her mind refused niceties. she wished he hadn't said anything. she wished it could just stay simple where she could kiss him and do whatever she wanted with no questions asked. but his final words echoed around in her mind, bouncing around as if in an empty space: i loved you. she knew it; she'd known it since she left him and probably before. but hearing him say it did silly things to her insides. her fear ruled out over everything else, and she looked away from him, sinking down into the bed and looking up at him from where she lay against his side. gripping his shirt strongly in her hand, she pulled him toward her, trying to refocus his attention on her. moving her hands to the sides of his face, she kissed him, her brow furrowing with the intensity of the kiss. she didn't know how, or want, to express herself with words. she knew he wouldn't allow her to get away with just a kiss, but she needed to communicate to him in the way she knew how. when she had her fill of kissing him, she slowly pulled away and sucked in a heavy breath, her lips remaining so close to his that they brushed. "i don't know how to love you, saxton. i didn't know then, and i don't know now. i'm... unlovable," she whispered, feeling his mouth against hers as she breathed her words to him. she didn't want to pull away from him, although she knew she should. if she had any manners, or any care for etiquette at all, then she would, but she didn't. all she knew was that through the haze of pain she'd felt all night, feeling him like this was the only thing that made her feel sane. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (SWEATS) NOTES (WELL THAT TOOK ME FOREVER...)

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[SAXTON WESLEY POND]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcd4c7; border: #eae4d8 10px solid;] heaven has a plan for you; don't you worry now there it was, in the quiet accompanied only by their breathing, his worst fears realized. hesitant but a firm rejection from the woman he loved for years. this was entirely his fault for not holding on to these words for longer until there was a more appropriate time. in this moment man thoughts ran through his head and an overwhelming urge to cry. saxton was not a man who cried over anything. to cry over rejection from the girl he fancied would be juvenile at most. he needed to reanalyze where he stood as a man if he was really this distraught over his affections beings denied. sloan could be written off as his first love and there she could lay with all her imperfections and faults that when paired with saxton's own made them unable to be more than two people who had sex together. he could close himself off to her, he already found himself doing just that as they lay in his bed together. from the start of their difficult union, love was never in the equation and it was saxton who took it to that level. it had been his first time with a woman, he was easily prey to the power that an orgasm rippled through him. if that had been another woman other than sloan, would he be in love with her just as much as he was sloan? he was sure that there was more to the feelings he harbored for sloan other than sex. did he want to admit it? he wasn't entirely sure, but she was more than a fuck partner. they solved cases together in their time, not all cases were solved but most. they found themselves in sticky situations as well - their time they spent together was much more than having sex. it was as if they were dating, all that collective time had much more input into it besides the mind-blowing sex. her hand forced him to turn and face her, he knew what was about to happen before it happened. his eyes and face turned away from her. she couldn't keep making him like putty and molding him to do whatever she pleased. his heart felt like it would burst, that he couldn't do this with her anymore. it was a dangerous dance that caused depression. he didn't have to hear the words to know she wouldn't return the emotions that overflowed for her from him. only giving in slightly, their lips met in a fashion where the meaning was skewed. saxton didn't know what the meaning behind the kiss was for her, but his passion was all draining with each movement and exploration of tongue. he was slowly saying goodbye to a woman he loved for a total of three, almost four years. two years apart and almost two years working together. all this passion for her was waning like the phase of the moon. he had to let her go, because he would always wait for her if he didn't. pulling away from her, she stayed close to his lips and he could feel the words slowly rise to the surface. part of him wanted to stop her, to make her leave it at just the kiss. part of him was hopeful that her kiss meant she loved him too and nothing then was his fault. part of him wanted the words to sting and cut him open so he wouldn't feel hurt anymore. all of him was scared, anxious, confused, withdrawn. that breath before her words felt like the longest second of his life, like a sixteen hour day crammed into one blink of an eye. he didn't want the words, but he wanted them. he had no control over what he wanted, but what he needed was to hear what she had to say and finally absorb it. what he needed overruled what he wanted in almost every single instance that the two squared off. her words, although tender and hesitant, stung like the wounds were ripped open and doused in hot acid. his jaw clenched and his eyes were tortured as they looked into hers. that was the final blow, that no matter how he courted her, she was incapable of loving him back. it was heart breaking, he was numb through out. His eyes cast down and met hers, but he winced and looked away, but then emboldened he knew he had to separate them now or else the wounds would run deeper. The first cut was already the deepest, he didn't need it to bleed out. "Then I have no business loving you or being in love with you, Sloan. Goodnight." Rolling on to his side, his back facing her his body was solid and stiffened. Any tough made him flinch. Quietly, he drifted off into sleep, but it was no easy task at all. Any words she might have said to him he blocked out of fear that the pain would be worse. Sleep came and it was welcomed openly, but it was only just stalling and weakening the pressures on his sensitive heart. He never knew himself to be a sensitive man, but he learned something new every day and on this night he learned so many new things. Overall he learned that he was a victim of unrequited love and rejection. WORDS: IDK, ENOUGH. TAGGED: SLOAN .

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[SLOAN ANISE TARGARYEN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 375px; height: 440px; background-image: url(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdjikb9hfT1rdt16no1_500.png); border: 0px solid #414141;] Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar she saw him stiffen the moment she pulled him toward her to kiss him, but she ignored his reaction. she was selfish and she wanted to feel his lips on hers, wanted to taste him again. it soothed her and calmed her, and that was all she thought about right now. she didn't think about how it would affect him, or the fact that he could be confused by all of this. they were enemies now, when they had once been allies. it was simple in her mind. she wanted his affection without his love. kissing him, she knew he wasn't fully kissing her back, not allowing himself to cave to her, but she didn't care. soaking as much of it in as she could, she finally pulled away and whispered her answer against his mouth. his brown eyes looked down into hers, and she saw the pain there, but she refused to feel remorse. she'd told him the truth for the first time in years, and she wouldn't regret it. his body reacted instantly, somehow stiffening more than before, and he pulled out of her arms. irritated that he'd brought the past up in the first place, she sat up straighter in the bed and fumed at him as he moved away from her. everything had been fine, all of it had been perfect, until he had to muck it up with emotions. he should know by now that she was incapable of such things; that she didn't want it. she didn't want to be tethered to anything; she couldn't be. she hadn't been raised that way, and flightiness was a part of her soul now. his words cut through her sensitivity, opening up a wound that filled with the coldness that had been in her heart before this night. so she would deal with the rape on her own just as she dealt with everything. she would be her own rock, her own support. she'd gotten all she could wring out of saxton, so now she must depend on herself. her mind steeled itself against feeling the pain of his rejection, and she nodded slightly as he turned his back on her and laid down on the bed. silently, her feet slipped off the bed and onto the floor, and she stalked out of the bedroom without a sound. she didn't need him, she told herself. she was about to become a very wealthy woman. she didn't need a man to hold her back from that. her heart iced over, hardening, as she gathered her bloody clothes from the floor of his bathroom. walking to the fireplace, she stoked it higher and threw them within, watching with satisfaction as the cloth caught fire and withered. a dark, emotionless smirk passed over her face, and she raised an eyebrow, not glancing back as she went to the door and shut it behind her, resolved to take down nixon grey in the wake of saxton's rejection. she'd seen the way nixon watched that blond he was with. no one deserved happiness in this town, especially someone she considered on the same level of depravity as herself. she would destroy him since she was now destroyed for the one person she could never truly break completely was left behind as she left his apartment. deep down, although she'd broken his heart two years before, she didn't have the will to completely tear him apart. she'd hated him for making her feel anything at all, but that tiny shred of a soul hidden deep within her couldn't pull the last thread to unravel him. WORDS (BITE ME) CLOTHES (SWEATS) NOTES (YOUR POST WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, I COULDN'T HELP REPLYING ONE LAST TIME)

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