i won't give up || connor/kahlan

[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "come on....you....bloody....get...AH HAH." he slurred drunkenly as he tried to get the top of the whiskey bottle off so that he could consume more alcohol. it was quite obvious that he didn't need to drink anymore because he could hardly stand up straight. finn had flooded himself with alcohol. he wasn't a man that dealt with his problems easily. he certainly wasn't a man who spoke to others about what was wrong with him either. his silence caused a lot of people to overlook him, especially his friends here. connor didn't see it. connor didn't see that anything was wrong at all and finn never expected him to. that wasn't connor's role. connor wasn't here to fix him. finn was supposed to be able to fix his boss, to fix his boss' family. he was here to fix everyone else but himself. it wasn't a sad realization. it wasn't for pity. it was just the honest truth and finn tried not to lie. however, he had lied straight to kahlan's face the other morning when he had told her that she was just like every other woman. that was a lie. she wasn't like every other woman that he had been with. she couldn't be further from every other woman. he loved her. no. he was in love with her. there was a big difference. finn had loved kahlan all of his life, ever since he had been welcomed into this family. while it didn't make him a selwyn, it still didn't prevent him from caring about those he had sworn to protect and to serve with his own life. he would give his life for any member of the selwyn clan because that was his job. it was what he was meant to do. even though he hated connor and even though kahlan wasn't giving him the time of day, finn would still step forward. it was what he was bred to do obviously. shaking his head now, he tried to ignore the things that he didn't want to think of. and in order to do that, he needed to be drunk. having already partied by himself in the pool house, finn realized he needed stronger liquor. so he had stumbled and limped his way over here knowing exactly what was necessary for him to get to the level of numbness that he needed. lifting the bottle to his lips, he chose to ignore the fact that he should at least be using a shot glass and dumped the searing liquid down his throat. sputtering at first, finn swallowed sip after sip until he felt like he couldn't breathe from the warmth of it all. his throat was tingling from the sensation and as he reached for the top of the whiskey bottle, thinking about shutting himself off, he decided against it. what he really wanted to do was give connor a piece of his mind. that was what he needed and wanted to do. he just needed the liquid courage. and whatever better way to do it than over the irish mob leader's favorite whiskey? snorting at himself and his intelligence, he picked up the whiskey bottle, which happened to be the finest bottle that there was and stepped forward from the bar. hurrying across the living room, he wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and that was when all hell broke loose. his bum leg caught on the edge of the decorative table as he limped forward, and as he struggled to catch himself, he felt the bottle slipping through his fingers. floundering for it, he found that he couldn't catch it and watched as it went crashing to the ground. the bottle had been pretty much full and finn's hazy blue eyes widened in shock as the bottle shattered into a million pieces. "oh shit." drinking connor's whiskey was one thing. drinking connor's whiskey, dropping the bottle, and wasting connor's whiskey was an entirely different scenario. falling to his knees rather painfully, finn grabbed a throw pillow from the couch behind him as well as the afghan that was over the edge of the couch because it seemed like a good idea at the time. "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. i'm dead. i'm dead, where's my grave, i'm dead. oh shit." his words were still slurred, but his mind was clearing rapidly. he had to get this cleaned up before connor came home. and hopefully he wasn't already home. using the pillow, he started brushing the glass pieces into one pile, using the afghan to mop up the amber liquid on the ground. his brain was obviously not functioning, but this seemed like a good idea. he just had to fix this before the irish man showed up, and that was going to be easier said than done. KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi the shattering crash in the living room was impossible to ignore, and it jolted connor out of the nap he didn't realize he'd been taking. clearing his throat, he glanced down to realize he'd fallen asleep with avery in the crook of his elbow, a bottle lazily draped in her mouth as she slept and sucked at the same time. rising as smoothly as he could, he took her to her bassinet beside her brother and laid her inside, glancing over eli to be sure she was safe and still asleep before he exited the room. his eyes flashed with irritation when the situation slowly came in to focus. blinking the sleepiness from his eyes, he narrowed his green gaze at finn where he knelt on the floor surrounded by glass and liquid. unfortunately, connor recognized the style of the glass in the bits and pieces that were still large enough to identify, and his anger - made more easily accessible thanks to his lack of sleep - piqued as he realized his best whiskey had been destroyed. what was it with these people and his liquor? he was going to have to start carrying the shit around with him everywhere he went. "what the fuck, finn?" he hissed, walking over to the other young irish man and grabbing him by the back of his shirt. hauling him up to his feet, connor glared openly at him and finally released him. "you're drunk... what a surprise." his tone was sardonic and biting. he found that he didn't want some one - especially finn - drunk around his children. he didn't want them to see that, and he certainly didn't want either of them or their mother woken from their naps. grabbing finn's shoulder, he turned him and shoved him toward the kitchen. the smell of whiskey began to fill the air as one of the housekeepers raced to clean up the mess. when they reached the kitchen, he forced finn up against the wall and grabbed his shirt right under his chin, his jaw tightening as he ground his teeth together so hard it was audible. "is there anything you don't destroy?" he hissed. --------------------- kahlan dropped her keys on the driveway and huffed impatiently. it was hard enough carrying a full bag of groceries in from the car by herself, but now she had to manage to bind down and pick up her keys in addition to balancing a twenty pound bag of food. she succeeded and slipped the key into the back door, unlocking it and turning with her back to it so she could lean against it and use her free hand to turn the knob and push it open. once inside, she wiped her shoes on the floor mat within and tossed her head, sending her blond hair back out of her face for the moment, until it inevitably fell right back into her eyes. she tried to blank her mind out as he always did when she came in to the house. she expressly avoided the poolhouse and the pool altogether, and she ignored finn with a white hot iron will whenever she was forced to be around him. she hadn't even bothered rekindling their friendship. she was too mad at him. he'd used her, and she couldn't forgive him for that. it didn't make matters any better that her feelings hadn't gone away. she'd tried to kill them, but she couldn't. it irritated and frustrated her. a week and a half had to be enough time for her to get over it. however, that didn't seem to be the case. so, she'd thrown herself into minial tasks like grocery shopping, and she avidly helped eli with the twins when connor wasn't hovering over them. she didn't have any more desire to be around connor than she did finn, so she was serving them both with the silent treatment. connor was unaware of her attitude toward him, and he shrugged it off as it simply being kahlan, but she hoped finn noticed. she was pissed, and she wanted him to know it. but he probably didn't give a crap. entering the kitchen, her eyes snapped up as movement caught her attention. when she recognized the very man she'd been avoiding for a week and a half, her heart lurched involuntarily in her chest. it was accompanied by a pain so intense, it almost took her breath away. stifling it and reverting to her anger, she gritted her teeth and glared at finn for a moment before ignoring him and sliding the bag she carried onto the counter. ignoring them both, fuming openly, she stalked from the room without a word. connor glanced over his shoulder and saw her come and go, but he didn't think much of it. she hadn't had much to say to him over the past several days, but he figured she was just in one of her moods. she'd been irritable ever since the morning he'd found her sleepwalking, and he couldn't figure it out. he had enough on his plate. let lennox deal with it. the only thing that pleased him was how openly she ignored finn. he felt a twinge of victory as she turned and disappeared from the room without even so much as a hello. stalking angrily to her bedroom, kahlan slammed the door and headed straight for the window. she couldn't be here right now. it was impulsive, and she should really just sit in her room and read to get her mind off of everything, but with asher still missing and her anger at finn still fresh - rekindled by the sight of him after not having seen him for ten or more days - she couldn't sit still. dropping in to the grass outside of her window, she headed for the one place where she could be alone. the greenhouse connor had caved and gotten for her was near the edge of the property, secluded by the arbor that grew behind the house, and out of eyesight from anyone who cared to look. she was the only person who attended the greenhouse to the best of her knowledge, besides the professional gardener connor kept on his payroll to tend the plants she couldn't get to. slipping in to the greenhouse, she breathed in the rich scents of all of the flowers intermingled, and she went straight for the gladiolus section. even though she was irish by blood and birth, she loved glads. they weren't native to ireland that she knew of, and she loved the tall shoots with multiple blooms littering their stalks. running her fingertips around the outside of a bloom, the petals soft against her skin, she sighed and bit her lip as she tried to just forget. if finn was going to, then she could forget too. tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, clothes │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - he couldn't believe that he had done this. he couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough, drunk enough, to trip over the damn table that had been there for years. he was being an idiot and the only purpose for his behavior was to stop himself from feeling. he couldn't stop thinking about her. he couldn't stop thinking about what it was that he felt for her. he was in love with her. there was no doubting that. her friendship had meant the world to him but what they had shared before he had obeyed connor was something that finn knew he couldn't live without. her being absent from his life was ruining him. it was a slow process but it was sure. he was wasting away mentally, he was running himself into the ground. he did everything that was asked of him, everything. he didn't say no to any jobs, to any missions, and he was hardly sleeping at night. it made it impossible for him to dream because he was simply too tired. it had worked in his favor. until today. he had spent too much time milling over her. he had spent too much time allowing himself one more thought, and then one more, and then one more. he was driving himself crazy because of his failure and it was quite obvious to anyone who paid any attention to him. but the one person that did was the one person he had driven out of his life. and for what? because the big, bad connor selwyn told him to? fuck that. if connor could change, if connor had it in him to change, then so could finn. he had found his soul mate so how dare he deny finn the right to his. kahlan completed him and he couldn't take the absence any longer. he needed to fix things, but he didn't know how. she wouldn't even look at him and while he didn't blame her, everything finn knew how to do was through physical contact. he wasn't good with the emotional side of things so he was hoping there was some way that he could prove himself to her. but as he knelt on the ground, bending his bad leg awkwardly to relieve the pressure, he couldn't figure out an idea. this was just great. and then then door opened. he heard it, he knew who it was, and he knew he was in for it. but that didn't mean he stopped doing what he was doing. he continued to sop up the mess with the afghan, not caring if it had any sentimental value or not. they could suck his dick for all that he cared. scoffing to himself, he was relieved when he felt his fuzzy mind start to clear. he needed to think rationally if he was going to deal with connor yelling at him simply because he couldn't take any more of his hypocritical, negative nonsense anymore. he was finished with him acting like a judgmental prick. he was through with the man throwing his power in his face. finn never let anyone control his choices before and he certainly wasn't going to allow it to happen now. he wanted kahlan and he wasn't going to let connor stand in his way. for once in his life he was going to do what he wanted to do and it wasn't going to be for anyone else. so as he heard connor enter the living room, he simply continued on with his work, trying to clean up the mess that he had started without hurting himself more. he didn't need another bandage on his hand. speaking of bandages....finn's gaze traveled down to his hand, still wrapped up from the gun shot wound, and he noted in dismay that it was soaked with the whiskey. well, it was either going to start to sting or not, but the bandage was ruined with the liquid anyway. grumbling to himself, he completely ignored connor when he addressed him, not caring if he was angry or not. so what? his precious whiskey got destroyed. "i'm fine, thanks for asking. oh wait, you never do. fuck off." he stated angrily, his goal to control his temper flying right out the window as he remained on his knees. that was when connor grabbed his shirt, pulling him up to his feet. finn had to bounce most of his weight on his good leg, for when his bad leg came in contact with the ground, he clenched his teeth visibly, throwing connor's hand away from him. "don't fucking touch me you piece of shit." he snarled, his anger out of control. he couldn't take this anymore. fuming, he heard connor's next words and his eyes flashed with an intensity that was never directed at connor before. "oh, like you've never been drunk before? look at who's high and mighty now, huh?" he spat out, his words still slurred, but potent in more ways than one. that was when connor grabbed him and finn was useless when it came to trying to stop his efforts. when they reached the kitchen, his breath was knocked from his lungs as he was shoved hard against the wall. releasing his air in a silent gasp, he met connor's eyes with a glare that spoke volumes. if it was a fight that connor wanted, then it was a fight he would get. that was when he heard his next words. and that was when everything inside of finn screamed in pain and in anger. who was he to judge? who was he to say anything like that? finn's eyes changed dramatically. there was a listlessness that had never been there before and for a moment, just a moment, pain was visible. he would blame it on the whiskey later, but it was there. as he was about to open his mouth to reply, his attention was turned towards the back door, and he watched as kahlan walked into the kitchen, depositing her groceries on the counter. she didn't even look at him. his heart blossomed with regret and guilt and he stepped away from the wall, pushing against connor to go after her. "let go connor. let me go right now." he ordered him, not caring about his title in this moment. shoving at him once more, he tried to free himself, but after connor spoke up, finn lost what was left of his mind. "i can't take this anymore!" his shouts were loud enough that he could wake up the babies and eli if he continued on. the kitchen allowed his voice to echo around them because of the high ceilings, so it did capture most of the sound, but his anger palpable. "you. you have no right to say that shit to me." he put both of his hands on connor's chest, pushing his arms out of the way, shoving him hard so that he could free himself from the wall. stepping forward, he pulled his right arm back and sent it soundly into connor's face, his knuckles coming in contact with the sensitive bone surrounding the man's eye, but he didn't care. the pain reverberated through his bullet wound, but he kept that in check as best as he could as his anger exploded in a way that it never had when it was directed at connor. he had always been able to control himself in the past, but all control was gone now. his inhibitions were low because of the alcohol, but finn was not going to regret this later on. "fuck you. i don't destroy everything. i don't, no matter what you say. i've done everything for you connor. every fucking thing you've ever asked me to do, i've done it, and blindly. i gave my life up to live with the russians for over a year. why? because you asked me to. i'm standing right here in front of you willing to give my life for you without any hesitation and it means nothing to you. nothing!" he spoke irrationally, but he didn't care. he wanted to get this out. he needed to get this out. finn was obviously not okay. he never spoke to anyone, so it was quite obvious that this had been building for quite some time. he had reached his breaking point. shoving connor roughly again, he snarled, losing what was left of his nearly nonexistent patience. "i'm finished doing what you say. fuck. i'm fucking done listening to what you want. for once in my life i'm going to do what i want, and not what a fucking selwyn wants. you stay away from me. you hear me? stay away. i'm done." his last words were not filled with malice. he was bitter, he was angry, but above all else, he was hurt. connor had thrown their friendship away and finn wasn't sure what to do now. he was lost. he was alone. he didn't have anyone outside of this family and now he had done things to make them all turn their backs on him. he deserved kahlan's treatment, he did. but he had never once turned his back on any selwyn member and he never would. but connor had dropped him like the help. he stepped away from him in that moment, disgusted. "i thought we were family, but i guess blood really does mean everything to you, doesn't it?" he finished quietly, his tone barely above a whisper. pushing past him roughly, he found his freedom as he went outside. there was one place that he knew kahlan would be. she always went to it when she was upset, and she hadn't looked cheerful when she had hurried from the kitchen. ignoring whatever connor said to him or did, finn sprinted, also deciding not to think about his bad leg or his bleeding hand. he needed to do this. as the greenhouse came into view, he didn't slow down. he burst through the open door, his blue eyes scanning the area as he skidded to a halt. wincing, he nearly cried out, but pushed it down stubbornly. limping painfully forward, he hobbled down the long row of plants and finally saw her. not saying a thing, he hopped up to her, his hand closing around her wrist before she could say anything. using his size and his strength, he grabbed her other wrist despite the fact that he was bleeding through his whiskey covered bandage and slammed her back into the wall. he was forceful, but gentle at the same time. without giving her an explanation, finn tilted his head, his lips crashing against hers. KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi connor ground his teeth together as finn called him high and mighty. he was selfish, he was narcissistic, but he didn't consider himself high and mighty. he thought very low of himself as a person, actually, but few people knew that. eli knew because he'd told her as much, multiple times, and lennox knew because he felt the same way about connor as connor felt about himself, but other than that, even finn and kahlan didn't know. he seemed arrogant and self-possessed to people, but he was far from it. when eli got pregnant, and the russians began to come back in to town, coupled with the legal side of running this family, this mob, everything was getting to him. he was more like a scared little child than he ever had been, but he never showed it. they were quite a pair. two men too closed up to admit their problems, so those problems only exacerbated and blew out of proportion. "i have other things to deal with besides you being shitfaced in my living room." he drug finn in to the kitchen where the sounds of their voices would be farther from his future wife and their children. slamming finn into the wall, he realized in that moment, as the blue-eyed irish man glared at him, that a chasm had yawned between them. connor had used and used him and never thanked him while finn allowed himself to be used. then connor's life had changed, his priorities had slowly changed, and he forgot about what they'd once shared. they had been soldiers together. they thought the same way. but when connor became the leader, he relied too heavily on finn to do dirty work for him. he used him instead of working with him. a good leader wouldn't do such a thing, but connor was not a good leader. he was a follower. he'd obediently followed his father his entire life, and now that kyson was gone, he was left out in the cold with no idea how to fill his father's footprints. but he didn't relent against finn even in the face of his anger or even as kahlan entered the house behind them. he was unconcerned about what his sister thought, and her pissiness did nothing to affect him. finn fought against him, attempting to get away. connor didn't realize he was trying to go after the one woman connor had informed him was expressly off limits, so he shoved him back into the wall as finn shoved against him. finn's voice raised in response to his barked question, and he saw his friend break in front of his eyes. he stumbled as finn pushed him hard, sending him flying backward and connecting with the island in the center of the kitchen. he caught himself with his hands and ground his teeth together as he glared across the space between them. he opened his mouth to retort to finn's words, but he was silenced as the young man punched him soundly in his left eye. "holy fuck!" he cursed loudly, disregarding his own worry about silence as his hand raised to the side of his head. his head swam from the force of the hit, and his left eye suddenly went blind. blinking furiously, he realized a blood vessel was shattered in his eye, and he cursed multiple times as he tried to regain his bearings. as he hunched in pain, using the countertop as support, he heard finn's words coming down on him like a hatchet. he would have responded, but he knew there was nothing he could say. he had pushed finn too far, just like he'd pushed eli too far, and kahlan and lennox and asher. he pushed all the people in his life until they couldn't stand him and they hated him. but finn's hatred of him hurt in a different way. he knew, ultimately, no matter how much they hated him, his family would always be there for him. they were family, they were blood, and their motto was blood above all. but finn was not his blood relative. he was like a brother, but he ultimately had no requirement, no obligation, to the selwyn family. he was right. he'd been loyal his entire life, becoming another member of their family. connor, kahlan, all of them had openly and willingly accepted him. finn declared he was done, and connor blinked furiously to look up at him. he looked horrendous with his bloodied eye, and he panted slightly from the pain. "just like that... more than twenty years of being part of this family, and you're just done. like that..." his voice sounded harder than he intended, but as he heard it, he knew he was irritated. finn was his loyal sidekick, his lifelong friend, longer than even eli's brother jett. his last statement resounded with connor the most: the comment about blood. blood did mean everything to him, but without ever saying it, he had always considered finn his blood. they weren't actually related by genetics, but they were brothers. and he'd betrayed that just as he'd betrayed eli, just in a different way. add finn to his list of things he couldn't forgive himself for. he watched impotently as finn shoved past him and escaped outside. closing his eyes, connor knew he needed to patch up his eye, but he stood for a moment in silent, fuming contemplation before departing the kitchen to care for himself. if finn really wanted to be on his own without connor's interference, then so be it. he would have to let him go. he had to learn sometime when he should stop pushing people, or he would just keep losing them. --------------------- staring down at the gladiolus in her hand, kahlan managed to lose herself in the flower. the smells of them wafted around her, and the warmth of the greenhouse enveloped her, helping to thaw the coldness in her chest, a chill placed there when finn soundly shut her down. she would forget it. she would shut it all off: her emotions, her care, all of it. it hurt too much to be the one who cared. no one else in this family did, so why should she? she was lost in her thoughts, her fingers gently running down the length of the soft bloom, and she never finn enter behind her although he barreled in like a bull. she was in her own little world, surrounded by the one thing that made her feel comfort...besides finn. suddenly, a tight grasp on her wrist made her almost leap out of her skin in surprise, and she turned in reaction, coming face to face with the one person she didn't want to see. or rather, she wanted to see him more than anything, and that angered her, so she shut him off. gritting her teeth together, her free hand twitched, lifting to slap him, but he grabbed that wrist as well and slammed her back into the wall of the greenhouse. the air whooshed out of her lungs, and the seams between the glass panes of the wall dug in to her back as her green eyes widened slightly and she looked up at him. her heart beat picked up, skipping away without her, and her chest rose and fell dramatically as she sucked in a breath of air, a mixture of surprise and fascination. with her hands pinned, she couldn't touch him even to hit him and tell him to go away, and she was forced to look into his blue eyes. suddenly, he leaned toward her and stole her mouth, taking control of her and driving her head back against the glass wall. her eyebrows rose and her eyes widened in surprise. no warning, no announcement, just a kiss. and a hot, passionate, demanding kiss. confusion swept through her, coupled with a hot wave of desire she couldn't muster down. anger at herself joined those feelings as he kissed her. she wasn't allowed to feel want for him, not after what he'd said to her and how he'd hurt her. connor was right, finn was right, he would only hurt her. but as he shifted toward her, kissing her hard, her eyes naturally closed and she released the breath of air she hadn't realized she'd been holding. her lips parted, accepting his tongue in to her mouth as she found herself kissing him back. growling irritably, she yanked her wrists free of his grasp, her hands going instantly to his hair. pushing against the wall, she wasn't strong enough to push him away from her, so her body crushed against his, and she dug her fingers in to his hair, her tongue claiming his mouth as she kissed him back as hard as he kissed her. she was furious at him. she wanted to hit him, wanted to tell him he wasn't allowed to kiss her like this. he wasn't allowed to incite desire in her, not anymore. he'd had his chance, and he'd blown it. but her body had other ideas. her heart beat so hard in her chest, she could feel it against him, between them, as she was crushed between him and the wall. her breath came too short now, and she panted wantonly against his mouth as she pulled away from him. her green eyes opened inexorably slow and she looked up at him where he stood only inches from her. her finges were still tangled in his hair, and she didn't bother disentangling herself as her eyes hardened and she glared up at him, a mixture of the love she still felt for him and her hurt at what he'd said to her smoldering in her gaze. "why did you do that, finn?" she asked him, her voice throaty and thick, sounding more desperate and filled with desire than she'd intended. tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, a sundress │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - finn couldn't take connor's presence anymore. he didn't even want to look at him, so as the man stood in front of him, trying to regain his bearings after finn had thrown his entire body into that punch, he was trying to leave. he needed to leave before he did anything else. he was being rash and irrational, but it was quite obvious to anyone who knew him that he had lost his composure, that he had lost a piece of his mind. he had reached his breaking point and it was messy and angry and dangerous. if he broke in front of anyone else, he would be afraid of how he would lash out. a part of him was glad that it was connor because he knew that the man could take it. just as he could take connor. they were so similar, so alike, but they were blind to one another at times. it was maddening, but finn knew that he needed to leave. he needed a break from this family, he needed to make sure he could make it on his own without them supporting him. while he loved them, while he appreciated every single one of them for his own reasons, he had had enough. taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, his hands clenching into fists even though his right hand had a hole through it. he was a master of pain, as was connor, and he ground his teeth together to ward it off because he knew that it was weak to show his suffering. watching connor with his vibrant blue gaze, he finally shook his head at the man. "that's a question you have to ask yourself, connor. you had no problem giving up this friendship when you shot me in the head. you had no problem giving this friendship up with every word you have said to me since i've come home. so ask yourself. are you willing to give it up? just like that?" he questioned him bitterly, his eyes never leaving his as he investigated the damage to his eye. finn felt no remorse. he would hit him again if he had the opportunity but connor was on guard now. it was selfish of finn, but he wanted to make connor hurt the way that he hurt. he knew the man before him hurt in ways that finn couldn't begin to understand but that didn't mean he could take it out on him. he didn't want to stand here and take what was dished out to him anymore. he had done it for twenty years. he had been connor's punching bag, his go to guy, his everything. they were best friends, they were brothers. but they had slowly started to drift apart. finn's servitude meant nothing, it seemed. he wished he had never gone to the russians. they had ruined him in ways that finn couldn't even describe or see. he was more closed off than he had ever been, even to connor. while finn wasn't a man who spoke about his problems, connor was always there for him to vent to. they had an understanding. it was what they did normally, but even finn wouldn't talk to him now. he was pushing himself away from all of the members of the family, so this wasn't entirely connor's fault. but finn finally rested the blame on the man's shoulders. he couldn't take this anymore. so he left. he was a runner, he always had been. at least that much hadn't changed about him. when he finally reached the greenhouse, it didn't take him very long to get to kahlan. she was as angry as ever, and he could feel the rage in her as he sent his lips crashing against hers. but he didn't care. he needed her, he loved her in a way that he had never been able to describe before. losing her the way that he had made him realize it, and as he captured her lips with his, he pushed all of his feelings, all of his desperation into that kiss. he stepped forward now, pushing her back into the wall of the greenhouse, shoving her roughly. finn had never been this rough with her before but he couldn't control himself now. if kahlan wanted all of him she was going to have to accept that he couldn't always be gentle. he couldn't always be reserved and controlled around her. he was uncontrollable, more like a wild animal than anything else because of his rage and his reactions to things. if she wanted him, she would have to love him despite his flaws and in his inability to be a normal man. his upbringing wouldn't allow it. his relationship with the mob and the violence had long since bred all compassion, all gentleness out of him. hearing her growl against his lips only turned him on more, but he didn't make a sound. as she freed her wrists, he sent his hands to her hips, his hands clinging to her skin as his movements caused her shirt to lift. sliding his hands up under her shirt, he didn't touch her where he wanted to most, but instead let his fingers hover over her ribs, sliding around to her back. yanking her closer to him so that she basically fell against his chest, he deepened the kiss, his tongue going to meet hers with a violent necessity to it. as she kissed him back, finn tilted his head, moving his lips so that he could nip at her bottom lip when he pulled slightly away from her. when they finally broke away, finn was breathless, but the danger was evident in his eyes. they flared with a violent passion, a violent need for her. she needed to know everything, she needed to understand, and as she questioned him, he knew he had to be honest. sighing softly, his blue eyes didn't lose their fire as he kept his hands around her, suddenly aware of her fingers in his hair. wanting her more and more with each passing moment, especially after searching her face, finding her swollen lips and her flushed cheeks. resisting the urge to moan in his frustration, he huffed out a breath and tried to slow his racing heart. "because i'm leaving kahlan. i can't live here anymore but i can't leave without you knowing the truth." he spoke quickly, wondering if she would feel anything at the idea of him no longer living in the pool house. he would still be in boston, he would still find ways to see her, but now was the time to start in on his own life. however, if he could be convinced to stay, if he and connor could work out their differences, then maybe he would reconsider. but he still needed to tell her the truth. "i want you lan. no...i need you. i...i didn't know it before because i didn't want to know it. i'm no good for you, connor is right. but...that doesn't mean that it changes the way i feel about you. i said those things to you because i was doing what connor asked of me. i'm finished with listening. i want to do something for me for once in this place. and you are what i want because i'm in love with you kahlan." there. he had said it. he had told her what was on his mind and in his heart. now that he had, the fear exploded in his eyes, causing him to step back from her. his hands fell away from her sides, his eyes catching sight of the blood stained bandage. ignoring it, he looked down at the ground, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. "i don't know how to do this." his voice sounded so lost in that moment that it was stifling. finn was really just a human underneath it all. a lonely, lost human being. and no one had ever seen that. no one had ever looked at him that way, but he had finally been broken. it hadn't seemed possible, but here he was, in pieces. he only hoped that kahlan could put him back together. KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi the intensity with which he kissed her made her head spin and her body spiral out of control. she still wanted him, and as he yanked her roughly against him so she could feel the chiseled shape of him against her stomach, she almost moaned with desire. but she couldn't let him know how her body felt. she didn't want to let him know how her mind felt. she had already confided in him once and told him she was in love with him. she couldn't be hurt like that again. she knew she should shove him away from her - even if it wouldn't work because he far outpowered her in physical strength - but she couldn't. she should slap him and tell him to go to hell and never talk to him again. but instead, her reason flew out the window of the greenhouse, and her instincts took over. there was a primal, internal desire within her to be with him unlike anything she'd ever felt before. her mind told her to tell him to leave her alone forever, but her heart and body felt something entirely different. even as he crushed her to him, she wrapped her arms tighter around him. he was crushing the very breath out of her lungs, but she didn't care. she was desperate for whatever this was. it confused and bewildered her, but it felt so perfect. the way he clawed at her, his hands sliding beneath her shirt and searing her skin, told her he wanted her the same way she wanted him. he wanted to have that part of her she hadn't given to anyone else. the thought riled up her mind and sent it spinning even faster. her face grew hot with the thought and the desire roiling in her chest. but she couldn't. she wouldn't until she knew he loved her, and he'd already said he didn't. he didn't want her the way she wanted him, and she didn't want him to only want her to have sex with her. she wanted to have sex with him - her body was clearly communicating that much by the way she quaked at his touch - but not like this. the only way he would have her was if it meant something, and she didn't know if it ever would. so, she pulled away from him, denying herself what she wanted most and fighting the urge to keep kissing him forever. her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, seeing him examine her face. the action was simple but erotic, and her heart beat in her throat as she forced her anger to keep her sane. she asked him why he'd kissed her. she had to know. when he told her he was leaving, a potent mixture of disappointment, grief, and anger swept through her. she imagined never seeing him again, and her heart fell. the emotion was obvious on her face - for she was horrible at hiding her feelings from finn in particular - and she unconsciously shifted in his grasp, trying to move away from him. if he was going to leave, he couldn't break her heart again. it wasn't even mended from the last time. then he continued, and his first words brought her back to reality. her green eyes widened in disbelief as he confided in her. he wanted her. he needed her. she understood, in a twisted way, what he meant about obeying connor because he always had. just as she always had in her own way. but he sealed the deal over her when he confessed he was in love with her. she blinked as she looked up in to his blue eyes, and for once, there was too much emotion within her to show on her face. hearing him confess he loved her, he was in love with her, was all she wanted. she had wanted it to be true, and she'd imagined it could be, then he'd broken her heart with his words. but now, he was admitting it had been true, that it was true. she hated that he'd lied to her, but she also understood it. he was being loyal to connor, blindly following him as he always had since kyson had died. but what he wanted to do for himself was tell her he loved her. out of all of the things he could do, and he had come here to tell her that. her heart was in her throat as she sucked in a shaky breath and released it. her hands had slipped down from his hair to his arms when she'd intended to push him away before, and involuntarily, her fingers dug in to his shirt. "finn..." she whispered, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to get her thoughts in order. her mind and body was raging now, the anger gone with his admittance. just as before, before he'd followed connor's orders and shut her out, she began to need him again. she wanted him, and she still loved him. she hadn't been able to shut it off, and she didn't believe she ever would. that familiar comfort she felt when she was with him rushed back in full force, and she opened her eyes to look up at him, her gaze full of love for him. "please don't leave. i need you... i want you. i love you, finn," she whispered fervently, her hands sliding up his arms to rest against his neck, her fingertips encircling the hem at his neckline. "or take me with you, but i can't be without you. i won't." tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, clothes │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - finn's eyes searched hers wildly, trying to understand what she was feeling. he wanted to know if she felt the same way that he did, but it was obvious. she had told him that she did. her admittance just last week told him so and he had been a fool to run away from her then just because connor had told him to. he didn't want to listen to that man anymore. his loyalty would never waiver, it never had, but he couldn't follow his orders blindly anymore. he had to question them, especially this one. staying away from kahlan was only good to one person and that was clearly connor. he was done with the selfish man. while finn was not a selfless man, he had always done things for the selwyn family over doing things for himself and he didn't want to live that life anymore. he didn't want to be just another servant to the mob, to connor. he knew that connor cared about him. he knew that it was true, but right now, his anger and his hurt blinded him. connor had used him until finn could not be used any more. he had reached his breaking point and connor had pushed him there. but it wasn't entirely his fault. finn should have said something sooner. he should have spoken up. he should have done something to enlighten the man to his unhappiness. connor had a lot on his plate, what with his children and the russians. things were spiraling out of control in all aspect of their lives and here was finn, putting more on his plate. but he would never talk to connor. he wouldn't initiate a conversation and he knew that connor wouldn't either. they were stuck at a crossroad. the only person that finn could talk to was kahlan, and he could see the disappointment, the anger, and the hurt in her features as he announced to her that he was leaving this place. he wasn't leaving for good, but he needed to take a break. he needed to clear his head and his confusion and just...everything. he needed to breathe. this place was stifling him, it was sucking his freedom from him as it always had in the past. he had never minded it before but he couldn't take it anymore. sighing softly, his eyes searched kahlan's face, their kiss still vibrating on his lips. he wanted her, desired her. he didn't know how to make it more obvious than it was. the heat was rising in his stomach, was rising through his chest and while he didn't want to push her, he didn't know how much longer he could wait for her. she was killing him inside with her innocence. he didn't want to steal it from her, he didn't want to make her impure, but oh how he wanted to have all of her. the idea that she hadn't been with another man wasn't foreign to him. he was like her older brother as they were growing. he knew everything about her just as she knew pretty much everything about him. taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, then furrowed his brow, looking down at her. hearing her words filled him with hope, made a smile travel across his features. she was desperate in her pleas, but she didn't know what they did to him. she wanted him. she needed him. she loved him. she didn't want him to leave and if he did, she wanted to go with him. finn shook his head slightly, his hands traveling to touch her body once more. trying not to think about his soiled hand, he took her face in his hands, watching her as she clung to him. "i love you too kahlan, and i'm so sorry." he whispered to her, leaning forward to gently kiss her forehead. he needed to make her understand. "i can't take you with me. connor wouldn't be able to take it, but i can't be with him anymore. i just told him i was done and he needs you." he confided in her, letting her see that he would always care for connor even if he didn't see it himself. shaking his head, he searched her green eyes once more and then leaned forward, his lips finding hers once more. he deepened the kiss, but it wasn't as urgent as the last one. he kissed her softly, passionately, his lips parting hers so that his tongue could taste her once more. finally, he uttered a pleased groan, wanting more of her but knowing that it wouldn't be right. but she could know. pulling away, he let his eyes open slowly, looking into her, seeing straight into her heart. "i want to be good enough to have all of you, but i'm not. i can't be gentle, or loving. not all of the time. i can't pretend no matter how much i want to please you. i'm not good for you, you have to know that." KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi she thought she'd seen every look on finn's face. she'd seen him angry, sad, despondent, impassive, excited, playful. she'd memorized his face over the years without trying, but the way he looked at her now was different than anything she'd ever seen before. it was new to her, in general, and it was new seeing it in his eyes. perhaps it was hopeful, perhaps it was something else, but she could see how the words she spoke affected him by the way the muscles in his face shifted as he examined her. the complexity of his face enthralled her, and her heart skipped at beat as he looked down at her, listening intently to what she had to say. he touched her again, and his touch sent a pleasant tingle radiating out from her sides, through her ribcage, and out to every corner of her body. her eyes widened imperceptibly as she watched him, willingly looking up at him as his hands gently directed her face upward. he wasn't a gentle man, and she knew that and accepted it, but he had his moments. her hands lifted, wrapping around his wrists as he held her beneath her jaw, and she closed her eyes as he told her again that he loved her and then apologized. her lips parted and she sighed contentedly as he kissed her forehead. her hands tightened slightly around his wrists as his hot breath slipped into her hair. she frowned slightly as he told her he couldn't take her with him. she knew he was right, that connor wouldn't be able to handle losing her right after losing asher - even if it was for a different reason - but she wasn't in love with connor. he was her brother and her blood, but he wasn't finn. connor may depend on her support, but she needed finn, and not having him near her was terrifying to her. she imagined him moving to ireland or back to new york, and she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. he hadn't said where he was going, and she didn't know just how far he needed to be away from her brother. "but... if you move back to ireland or something... i can't..." she mumbled, her green eyes full of sadness at the idea that they would be so far apart. they'd only just admitted their feelings for one another, and now connor was going to come between them entirely unintentionally. she had no way of knowing he would stay in town, that he wanted to be around her as much as she wanted to be around him. he shook his head and looked deeply into her eyes, riveting her gaze on him. she lost herself in his ice blue eyes, her hands slipping down his forearms, off his elbows and resting against his sides. when he leaned toward her this time, she lifted her chin and met him as he kissed her softly. it was a passionate, wanting kiss, and her fingers clutched at the fabric of his shirt, twisting it in her hands as she rose up on her toes to kiss him back. his tongue guided her mouth open, slipping between her teeth and she involuntarily whimpered against his mouth. the familiar, natural smell of him intermingled with the flowers that surrounded them, making her insides feel like they were on a rollercoaster ride as her heart lurched in her chest. deep in her waist, her desires stirred and stretched languidly, rolling wantonly. as he took a breath, he groaned audibly, and a huffed breath of air left her mouth, a pant that expressed the instantaneous yearning that simple sound out of him brought out of her. he was usually silent in everything, but that one reaction told her everything. her nerve endings tingled wildly with the realization that finn, a guy she knew was well-versed in women and could have any woman he wanted, wanted her. she was innocent, unsoiled and untouched, pure in every sense of the word. he was not. he was a soldier, he'd killed in the selwyn name. he was notorious for his past with women and his late nights spent drinking and partying. in many ways, they couldn't be more different, but she knew they were more alike than anyone except the two of them could know. she didn't deny she was intimidated by his past, but knowing he wanted her in that way bolstered her self-confidence like a match to a pile of tinder. she sucked gently on his tongue, sucking the taste of him into her mouth. when he pulled away from her, she licked her lips as her eyes fluttered open and she met his penetrating gaze. everything she felt for him was written plainly in her eyes, and her breath came rapidly as she used her grip on his shirt and the wall behind her to keep her upright. when he spoke, his voice sounding hoarse in the aftermath of the kiss, she bit her bottom lip shyly but she didn't look away as he confided in her. he wanted to be worthy of her, and that told her more than anything that he loved her. her eyes flashed briefly with an unreadable emotion, and she shook her head slightly as he told her he wasn't good for her. "i don't need you to be anything you aren't. i love you the way you are... i want you the way you are. anything else wouldn't be finn, and i don't want that," she confessed, smiling slightly as she slipped her hands up his chest, sliding around the back of his neck. "i don't want you to pretend with me. i don't want to pretend with you. i don't care if you, or connor, think you're not good for me; i want you. i need you the way you are." her voice was fervent as her thumbs tracing the underside of his shadowy jaw. lifting up on her toes, she kissed him quickly on his lips before smiling broadly at him. "i'll let you know when you're good enough to have all of me, by the way," she teased lightly. she blushed ever so slightly as she admitted she wanted him to have her when the time was right, and her eyelashes batted as she bit her bottom lip and glanced away from him. looking down at his chest, her hands fell to his shirt, and she unconsciously drew a circle with her right index finger as she sucked in a breath and formed her next comment. "how far away are you going to be?" she asked in a small voice before slowly looking back up in to his face. "i want to be with you... who's going to hold me when i have a nightmare if you're not here?" she smiled cutely at him. "if you won't actually take me with you, i'm going to have to see you sometime. i'm very demanding, you know." she chuckled amusedly, raising an eyebrow as she fixed him with a playful look. tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, clothes │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - he could read kahlan like an open book and seeing the sadness in her eyes now made him take a deep breath. however, a smile appeared over his handsome features and he shook his head slightly. "i'm not going back to ireland kahlan. i have nothing to go back to." it was a sad statement, a bitter admission, but it was the truth nonetheless. he didn't have anything to go back to because his family was here. he might have lived there when he was a child, but he had no ties there. the selwyns that cared about him, that knew him, were right here. and here was not a place he felt welcomed anymore. sighing softly, he watched her with his quiet blue eyes, taking in the sight of her as if he would never be able to see her again. he couldn't stay here any longer and he willed her to understand. the treatment that he was receiving from his best friend was not something that he could stomach, especially after coming home from the russians in the way that he had. he had been physically capable during his time there, he had been strong and fit. now what was he? he couldn't be trusted to do a mission that required a quick getaway, he couldn't do anything that would send his head flaring in pain. gun shots caused him to shy, he felt like he was losing his mind. he didn't know who he could talk to and losing kahlan the way that he had was something that threw him over the edge. if finn was going to go crazy he didn't want to lose the only woman he could ever truly love like this. furrowing his brow for a moment, he looked down and away from her, not wanting her to see the struggle in his eyes. finn was a locked box, sometimes even more so than connor and it was difficult for him to talk about himself at all. he wasn't going to be a burden when he was supposed to be a soldier. soldiers weren't supposed to feel. they weren't supposed to be affected by what happened in the field. he was being weak and weakness was not an option in the irish mafia. turning his gaze back towards her, trying to hide the emotions he was feeling, he offered her a small smile and distracted her with a kiss that hopefully stole her breath away. feeling her fingers tighten around his shirt made him step closer to her, holding her to him as if his life depended on it. his sanity certainly did. breaking away finally, he searched her eyes, seeing the contentment there. he didn't want to ever hurt her again the way that he had the day in his pool house. her expression was something that he hadn't been able to forget and he wanted to. watching her for another moment, he let his hands travel down from the back of her neck, trailing softly down her shoulders, then to her sides, stopping to rest at her hips. her touch was on his arms and he welcomed it, wanted it. he wanted her to hold him, to tell him that everything was going to be alright. no one had ever told him that. he had always been the one to tell others that everything was alright. that he would fix things. that he would make things right. like now, he needed to make things right with asher's kidnapping. he knew connor blamed him and he wouldn't be surprised if kahlan did as well. he needed to get the kid back and it was a race against time because of his cancer. no one knew what the russians were going to do to him, no one knew if he was going to make it. but finn refused to think like that. shaking his head almost imperceptibly, he glanced back at kahlan, softening in her gaze. her words filled him with a sense of hope and he listened, hanging on to every single sound uttered from her mouth. she wanted him the way that he was. she didn't want him to change no matter what connor said, no matter what finn thought. she loved him as he was now. "i love you." he whispered softly, those three words coming from finn having more meaning than any other sentence he could speak. finn was not a talker, especially when it came to how he was feeling. no one knew that better than kahlan because she had always tried to get him to open up in the past to no avail. now, this was as open as finn was going to get even though there were a ton of other things that he needed to talk about. connor had wanted him to see the mafia shrink but he refused. he didn't need a stranger knowing about him. pushing those thoughts away, he smiled down at her as she promised to let him know when she was ready to give him all of her. it filled him with a heat that he knew all too well, but this time it was different. it was for kahlan. "i'll wait for you." he admitted to her softly, seriously. it was true. she was worth the wait. taking her hand now, he stepped back from her, tugging her softly along with him so that they could leave the green house. his urgency to get off this property was strong and he hoped she would understand that. as she spoke to him, finn shook his head, unsure of what to tell her. "i'll stay at the hotel for a while until i can find a place if i don't come back here." he explained, trying to be as gentle as he could, but knowing she needed honesty. she had been sheltered for far too long and he knew that she was stronger than any of them gave her credit for. "as for your nightmares, i have something that you can keep when i'm not here." he gave her a smile when they reached the pool house, opening the door and leading her in. dropping her hand, he walked across the room and disappeared into his closet. pulling out his favorite black faded hoodie, he walked back to her and held it out to her. "just for you. don't share it." he explained with a wink, going to sit down on the edge of the bed while she comprehended everything. "i'm sorry lan. but i've got to get out of here. i'm losing my mind." he finally admitted to her, bringing his worried blue gaze up to meet her green eyes. she would understand. she had to. KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi kahlan smiled brightly as he told her he loved her again. she didn't think it would get old hearing it. she'd heard it before, and she'd told him the same thing in times past, but it was different now. it was that kind of love that every girl wants. the romantic kind that made her want to squeal and bounce up and down in place until she managed to calm down. with finn, it was so much more romantic to her than anything else she'd ever experienced. she'd been his friend for as long as she could remember, and it made her love for him so much more fulfilling and rich as a result. there was substance there that she relished. she didn't care if he was a soldier for her brother, or if he thought he was a horrible person. he was finn. that was honestly all that mattered to her. she still blushed when she admitted she wanted to sleep with him. that was a personal boundary she'd never crossed with any man. she wanted it to be finn, she knew she did, but she was still modest and shy about the topic in general. admitting what she wanted, in that regard, was a huge deal for her and her modesty. it shattered walls she'd never anticipated crossing. when he confessed he would wait for her, her heart leapt in to her throat as she looked up, wide-eyed, at him. she could tell by his tone and the look in his eyes that he meant it, and her stomach did somersaults in her chest at the realization. her heart was in her throat, so she was unable to respond to him except to look at him with such adoration that it overwhelmed her. this man, who had been a boy to her for so long, was a man she knew didn't like waiting for such things. he already took it when he wanted it, and it wasn't hard for him. he had no qualms where sex was concerned, but he was willing to set that aside for her. part of her willed herself to learn to get past the obstacle so she could please him. she knew she had to bend to meet him halfway. if he was willing to bend to meet her, she had to bend to meet him. it would happen when the time was right. of that much she was sure. her body was already ready, she just had to get her mind to the same place. somehow, the turmoil following his fallout with her older brother didn't seem like the right time or place. as tantalizing and naughty the imagined image of having sex in a greenhouse seemed to be, she was thankful he distracted her by taking her hand and tugging her after him. she could sense the tenseness within him, but he led her toward the pool house, and she glanced around to be sure they weren't being watched. she didn't know her brother was busy nursing his busted eye and they needn't worry about being caught this time. she hurried after him, listening as he explained to her where he would stay. following him in to the pool house, she smiled and bit her bottom lip. "i could always come visit you there?" she commented nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders slightly as her green eyes twinkled over at him. she had to admit she liked the idea of sneaking out to go see him. she liked what she considered 'living on the edge' since she felt as if she never got to do anything. and finn made her feel alive. she saw no point in giving that up because connor was a retard. cocking her head curiously as he released her hand and entered his closet with the announcement that he had something for her to take care of her nightmares. she narrowed her eyes as he turned and returned to her. as he held the hoodie out to her, she released a breath of air, an amused sound. accepting it, she held it up to her nose and breathed in the familiar scent of him. it smelled world-wise and earthy to her, the way she saw new york and finn. she associated him with the city thanks to the years they'd grown up together "thank you, and trust me, i won't be sharing it..." she commented with a smile, knowing he would understand she meant him as well. she naturally migrated toward him as he sat down on the side of the bed and looked plaintively up at her. she twisted the hoodie around her hands as she sat down beside him and pulled her feet up into his lap. scooting closer to him, she nestled against his side and laid her head over on his shoulder, freeing one hand to reach around his neck to hug herself against him. turning her face slightly, she breathed gently against the crook of his throat, softly kissing him where his collarbone curved up in to his neck. "i know," she admitted in a small voice. "i know you have to get away from him, and i don't blame you. i hate to say it, but i wish i could, especially recently." it broke her heart to admit it, she'd always been close to connor, but his hatred of her and finn was unacceptable to her. if she had to choose between her brother and the man who had the potential to be the love her life, she was obviously going to choose the latter. lifting her head, she gently touched his cheek and turned his face toward her. leaning forward, she kissed him lightly, sweetly. after reveling in the feel of the sweet kiss, she slowly pulled away from him and sighed contentedly before opening her eyes and looking into his blue gaze. "i'll be here. i'm not going anywhere, i promise." tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, clothes │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

[/center]

[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - finn let her settle on his bed beside him, watching her as she draped her legs over his lap and curled up beside him. he wasn't used to such intimacy, not with a woman like kahlan, not with a woman at all. they never curled up to him, cuddled into him. his time with women had always been about sex and this...this tenderness scared him. but this was kahlan and he knew that she would keep him safe. strangely enough, his fear of commitment stemmed from the fear of being let down. finn had been let down once too many times in his short lifetime to trust. that was where all of his relationship problems stemmed from although he would never admit it. he didn't want to. he was nervous to go down this path with her, but so was she. they would teach each other and he was looking forward to it. so, instead of balking at her attention, he allowed his hand to rest on her shins, his fingers squeezing gently to let her know that somehow, wordlessly, everything would be alright. listening to her words, he shook his head softly. "i wish there was something that i could do. but i've got to get out of here lan. don't hate me, but i can't even stand the sight of him any longer. i'm tired of always doing what he says." he confided in her, knowing she would understand. she was his kahlan. she understood him without him even really having to say anything. she had loved him for some time now, just in a different way. it had made them close, it had been them understanding. they could read one another better than anyone and at times it was frightening because she knew exactly what he was thinking and vice versa. but now, it was welcomed. he was glad and thankful she could listen to him. it was exactly what he needed. sighing softly he shook his head, knowing that he couldn't just sit here. "i might not be gone for very long. i'm planning on a couple of weeks right now. you won't even notice i'm gone." he admitted to her with a short wink, trying to reassure her. besides, who said he wouldn't come back to the mansion and sneak into her room now that she was on the first floor? grinning at the thought, he nudged her softly. "just keep your window unlocked some nights." he told her cheekily, shaking his head once more and slowly unfolded himself from her. while he would love nothing more than to stay with her like this, he knew he needed to move on his confidence because he didn't know what he was going to get another burst of it. not wanting to hurt her, but knowing she would know of him as an act now kind of person, he gave her another small smile. "will you help me pack? you're welcomed to whatever i leave behind so you can be reminded of me." he told her honestly, but that grin...that notorious finn grin was plastered upon his handsome, scruffy face. standing from the bed, he disappeared into the closet and then came back out with two large duffel bags. one was already filled with weapons and cash, and he put that off to the side so that it wouldn't be in the way. he started opening all of his drawers and then started shoving random clothes into his bag until kahlan took over, yelling at him like she normally did when he didn't do something right. he welcomed it this time though, laughing when she got frazzled by his packing methods. -------------------- inside the house, eli sat up quickly when she heard their bedroom door open, glancing up to see connor storming in. when she saw his eye, she knew without a doubt what had happened. finn. she knew that they were bound to crack, connor already had when it came to that irish rogue. it was just a matter of time before finn decided to crack back and it seemed that the time had come. sighing softly, she shook her head. "well that went well, didn't it?" she questioned her husband to be softly, not wanting to wake the sleeping babies. they had settled in for their nap, which was something that they always did rather well with. pushing herself up off of the bed, she still moved a bit slow because of the intensive labor she had gone through, but she was slowly coming back from it. still feeling swollen and different, she tried to ignore the negatives and instead focused on the positives. they had two beautiful babies. jett was here visiting for a couple of weeks, and that was what mattered to her. nearly smiling at the thought of her brother's surprised visit, she moved forward and grabbed connor's hand, leaving him very little room to argue with a quick look to where their children were resting quietly and comfortably. she would murder connor if he did something to wake them up. stopping him outside of the door, she spoke up quietly. "just stay here for a moment." she instructed him, making her way into the kitchen after sending him another look that told him not to argue with her. her attitude and her temper had returned now that she wasn't dealing with the added weight of their two children, which was something that she was thankful and grateful for. she was sure connor was pleased as well although she knew he was absolutely horny as well. she had to admit that she was getting to that point, but it was also fun torturing him. shaking her head with a grin to herself, she reached the kitchen and pulled a wash cloth from the cabinet in the corner of the room. going to the kitchen sink, she turned the faucet on and wet the cloth with cold water, he blue eyes staring out across the pool and the property. and that was when movement in the pool house caught her attention. finn was packing, and kahlan was helping him. she knew that finn had reached the end of his patience, as had connor, and she didn't think the two could really afford to lose one another. no one understood the other as well as they did, when it came to their violence and their need to fight and kill things. knowing that this needed to be fixed and that it wouldn't be easy, she turned from the sink and went right into the living room. "hold still. you're bleeding everywhere." she chided him, reaching up and touching the corner of the wash cloth to his ruined eye. finn had certainly caught him good, and she now tried to think of the best way to bring up his leaving friend. if she simply told him that finn was packing to leave, connor wouldn't go out there. she had to provoke him even though a fight wasn't exactly what she wanted to deal with. but there was simply no other way for connor to walk out to the pool house, even if it meant finn was leaving. connor was too proud of a man to admit that he was wrong, and so was finn. the truth was that they were both stubborn assholes, but that didn't change the fact that neither of them would be making the first move to apologize. sighing to herself as she finished cleaning up connor's eye, she reached up with her other hand, which contained the ice pack, and held it against him. "listen. i didn't want to tell you because you're going to get all pissed off again, but there's something you need to know." she started in, knowing she sounded cagey, but knowing she needed to draw his attention onto her. he was too irritated to really focus, but she knew how to reel him in expertly by now. it usually worked, and she hoped it got his attention now. "i just saw finn packing and while i know that doesn't really bother you...whatever...i think you should know that i saw kahlan in there with him. they were alone." she hated herself for throwing her best friend under the bus in such a fashion, but this was going to be for the good of everyone. hopefully kahlan would see what eli was doing. if not, and this back fired, kahlan wouldn't be too happy with her, but she knew she could smooth it over. when her plan seemed to work, she looked down to the ground to hide the look of triumph that crossed her features and followed after her fiance, ready to push him to talk even if he wanted nothing to do with the man that was his best friend outside of jett. KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi "I would never hate you," she argued gently, smiling at him as she felt his fingers gently press in to her lower leg. the simple action sent a thrill up to her hips, and she glanced away from him as she struggled to rein herself in. "Me too," she agreed. She was tired of following her brother blindly. he had always made the decisions that were best for her, but this time, his own personal wants had overshadowed what she believed was best for her. still, she had to admit that she hated fighting with connor, and she hated finn fighting with him. out of her three brothers, she'd always been the closest to connor despite his dislike of showing emotion. she could read him similarly to how she read finn, whereas with lennox or asher, they were different. each of her brothers were unique, with their own personalities and ways of connecting with her. she knew connor's intentions stemmed from a place of devotion to protect her, and she ultimately couldn't hold it against him forever. although she hoped, and believed, the two men would reconcile, she knew it was wise to keep her relationship with finn between them. even if connor came around, it would take him a while to accept, and she didn't want him to continue to interfere with what made her happy. perhaps it was selfish, but she didn't care. "i'm sure i won't even notice you're not here," she teased him in return, raising an eyebrow as one side of her mouth drew up in a half-smirk. as he shifted his weight, he teased about leaving her window unlocked, and she giggled softly as she pulled her feet out of his lap. "i don't know..." she said, pursing her lips as her eyes twinkled, her gaze following him as he stood. "...i don't want just anyone wandering in." she grinned cutely and dropped her feet onto the floor beside the bed and braced herself with her palms, snorting in amusement as he told her she could keep anything he left behind. "i really would appreciate your hand-me-downs, you know, because your clothes fit me so well." she pursed her lips and cocked her head as she pushed herself to her feet. reaching out, she grabbed his shirt and pulled herself against him, knowing they were hidden from the windows of the house by the door. standing on her tip toes, she kissed him, pressing her lips and her body against him in a hasty, hot kiss. her eyes fluttered open to look up at him with a sly grin ghosting over her lips before she playfully pushed away from him. "something for you to be reminded of me..." biting her bottom lip, she moved to the chest of drawers along the wall visible to the house, remembering her brother could look outside at any moment and see her. if this was going to work, then they had to pretend they were still nothing more than friends. connor wouldn't be happy with it, but he would be satiated thinking the kiss he'd seen was the only one. he didn't need to know she was in love with his best friend, that she would rather leave with finn than stay here, and that she'd spent several nights just napping in his arms. all of that would have to be hers and finn's little secret, and she was okay with that. -------------------- connor cursed under his breath as he moved through the bedroom and into the bathroom connected to it. he ignored eli's snarky comment as he flipped the light on to examine himself in the mirror. he looked like a man possessed, the blood covering his eye looking like something out of a horror film. a bruise was already beginning to form, and his eye was swelling rapidly. he growled in his chest at his reflection, irritated and frustrated that he temporarily couldn't see out of the eye because of the blood clouding his vision. glaring at his reflection, he felt eli's firm grip on his hand, and he glanced at her, seeing her pointed expression as she motioned toward the twins. sighing inwardly, he followed her out of the room, not wanting two screaming children on his hands on top of finn being an ass. she stopped him the moment the bedroom door shut behind him, and he sucked in a deep breath as she ordered him to stay. feeling like a dog, and getting more pissed about it by the moment, he sunk with an audible huff onto the couch and rested his head in his hands. the black eye and busted blood vessel were not the worst pain he'd ever experienced in his life - far from it - but he was fuming more over the perpetrator being finn than anything. he was taking things out on finn that weren't his fault, and he was jumping to conclusions. his father would reprimand him about now, tell him to calm down and think rationally. he was too irrational, too hot-headed, unlike lennox and their father. he had taken more after their uncle in that regard, and it jeopardized his reason on multiple occasions. running his hands back through his ebony hair, he gently ran his fingers over his eye, bringing back blood on his fingertips. "shit..." he cursed under his breath. his eyebrow was split open on top of the busted blood vessel and the bruising. moving to stand, he was brought up short as eli arrived in front of him with the wet washcloth. he flinched away from the cold cloth when she held it to his head and muttered something inappropriate, not so quietly, before she rebuked him and told him to hold still. "i don't give a damn about the blood. i'm much more worried about the rug to be honest," he managed, his voice sounding irritable even as he allowed a small joke to slide through. cutting his eyes over at her, his good eye crinkled ever so slightly around the edges as he smirked wryly and flinched against as the cold hit his eye. taking the discomfort in silence, he glanced up at her as she finished with the rag and began to speak again. "only the best stories begin that way..." connor stated sardonically, raising his eyebrows slightly and instantly regretting it as the pain blossomed over his left eye. her revelation that finn was packing bothered him more than she seemed to think it would, but, as she suspected, it was her conclusion that spiked his blood pressure instantly. his good eye flashed violently, and his jaw clenched and he hastened toward the rear door to the house. had kahlan been with finn all this time? was she going with him? the thought sent a chill down his spine as he violently threw the back door open and stormed across the backyard and around the pool. he would not lose his sister and his best friend, and he would not lose his sister to his best friend. the difference between finn and jett was in their personality and how they handled connor. all three of the men were insane in their own ways - which made them the perfect trio - but they were unique. jett cared about nothing and had no inhibitions, whereas connor cared too much and let his anger get the best of him. he couldn't remember a time - other than when jett had found out about connor selling eli to the russians - that jett had actually gotten angry. it was a scary thing, and he didn't care to see it again. finn, on the other hand, was more similar to connor with his hot temper. finn was the silent one, the one who held his anger in until it welled up and burst in hot molten lava, stifling and searing everything. however, where jett would be a level head in this situation, telling connor he had no right to interfere if his sister was dating the other young man considering he'd put jett through the same thing, finn would only feed connor's anger unless someone mediated. kahlan noticed her brother, a blur of raging blackness, storming like a tempest across the backyard before finn saw him. her eyes widened slightly, and she steeled herself for the encounter. she knew it would be full of accusations and hateful words, and she prepared herself to hide her true intentions. connor didn't need to know what was actually going on, and he wouldn't if she had any say about it. "kahlan, go back in the house," connor ordered firmly, his good eye blazing as his fists clenched at his sides. he ignored her as he openly glared at finn. kahlan's green eyes, lighter in hue than her brother's but no less tempestuous when she was angry, flared at his order. she was not a child. "shut up, connor. i'm not going anywhere." he turned his attention on her, his brow furrowing slightly at her refusal. "yes, you are. get in the house now. i'll deal with you later." "screw you!" she barked at him, her cheeks flushing with her irritation. she stepped forward so she stood between him and finn as he advanced in to the pool house, and she glared stubbornly up at her older brother. he returned her glare, refusing to lay a hand on her even though his anger was now raging at her refusal to obey him. "get out of my way, kahlan. you don't have to be in the middle of this." "i'm already in the middle of 'this' thanks to you. if you would stop jumping to conclusions and stay out of other people's business, then none of this would have ever happened," she snapped at him, balling up her fists at her sides, her body trembling with anger. he looked down at her, a bored look crossing his features before he moved to step past her once more. she stepped over and blocked him again, hitting him on his chest as he moved. it didn't hurt, not even a little bit, but the simple fact that kahlan would hit him at all affected him more than even finn's punch. "finn is leaving because of you," she hissed up at him. his jaw clenched as he ground his teeth together and looked away from her and up to finn. finn's anger at his presence was palpable, thick in the air between them. he stared connor down as connor glared at him. "he's my friend, connor, no matter what you think. and he's your friend too, your best friend! or at least he was before you ruined him...just like you're ruining our family..." the last statement escaped her lips as an afterthought, and it was so silent she was unsure anyone heard it but him. but connor definitely heard it. he physically froze and stepped back from her at the words, his eyes widening in surprise. "kahlan..." his voice sounded more pained in his ears than he'd expected. "i'm sorry," she apologized instantly, the remorse washing over her in a wave of guilt. she was mad at him for treating finn the way he had, but she still loved her brother, and she always would. blood above all. connor lifted his chin, having lost himself for a moment in her words and forgetting why he'd come here. his eyes drifted over finn's bags on the bed and then back to his sister. he felt eli's stolid presence hovering behind him, and he felt finn's eyes on him as he looked in to kahlan's face. she stared down at the floor, refusing to look at him. "don't apologize for something you meant," he corrected her, his voice gentler with her than it would have been with anyone else who had said the same thing to him. what she'd said was true. he'd lost himself, and he was dragging down everything his father built with him. he was betraying his father's trust, his father's legacy. when kyson had ordered his son to take his life to protect them all, he had made connor vow to carry on. but carrying on didn't mean stumbling by. it meant building and edifying and moving forward. stagnancy was unacceptable. finally, kahlan looked up at her brother, meeting his gaze, lingering on his bloodied and bruised eye for a moment before focusing on his face. "none of us can take this any more. fix it," she commanded him, her voice gentle but clear. she looked and sounded so much like their mother in that moment. glancing over her shoulder at finn, she knew he would understand that she loved him, that she wanted him to be happy, and she wanted her brother to make things right with him. stepping back out of connor's way, she glanced past him to eli, sensing she must have spurred this encounter but not knowing how. connor closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, a headache radiating out from his left eye and back through his temple to the rest of his head. opening his eyes, he looked over at finn and sighed audibly. "perhaps i... misjudged you, and i took you for granted..." he began, clenching his teeth irritably at having to apologize. his pride did ravenous groans in his head, but he continued through his gritted teeth. "kahlan's right: you're my best friend, and you two have been friends almost as long, and i imputed motives on you." kahlan raised her chin from where she'd moved to stand near eli. she could see finn over connor's shoulder, but her face betrayed no emotion. she wouldn't betray how they truly felt about one another. connor wasn't ready for it. he was only apologizing now because he was pushed to a limit. he would break if he had more to handle. "and... i'msorryishotyou," he spurted all in one breath, shrugging slightly and clearing his throat awkwardly. tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, clothes │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[finnegan malachi odaire]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] i'm not a selfless man if i had all the world, probably give it to myself - - - - - - - - - - - - - - the banter that passed back and forth between them was normal and relieving and finn didn't want it to end. he had missed kahlan in the short time that he had pushed her away, and he knew that it was his fault. he wasn't an idiot. however, his fear of commitment, his loyalty to connor...a lot of factors added into his decision to keep her safe from heartbreak. however, in his attempt to keep her out of harm's way, he had nearly broken her heart. his blue eyes narrowed as he frowned suddenly, watching her for a moment before he pushed himself up off of the bed. his gaze was steady, it was full of concern as he watched her. he loved kahlan, he knew especially in that moment, and he didn't want to do anything to ruin her or them. he didn't know where this relationship was going to go, especially with the outside influences of connor, but he was willing to give it a try. and apparently, so was she. that was really all they needed to move forward. they wouldn't be able to be open and honest about it to anyone but themselves for a while, but finn was alright with that. the idea of a relationship made him nervous in the first place because he was so unfaithful in the past, but he was determined to make this work. taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly and eyed her as she moved towards him, her eyes on his. feeling her fingers grasp the fabric of his shirt, he allowed a small, crooked smile to work its way onto his features and he looked down into her green eyes. searching her expression, he was surprised as she leaned up and captured his lips in a hot kiss. not complaining, he returned it willingly, almost desperately. he didn't want to leave her, he didn't want to go to the hotel, but he couldn't stay here any longer. she understood that and it was a fact that he was grateful for. the smile still graced his features as she kissed him, and he let it last as she pulled away, announcing he now had something to remember her by. his fingers graced her hips and he pulled her petite frame into him in that instant, the smile still obvious. "i don't think it would be possible to forget you kahlan." he admitted with a small breath of air that could be considered a laugh. it wasn't mocking, it wasn't anything hostile. it was more of an unbelievable sigh than anything else. he couldn't believe that she was in his arms now and as she turned away to start in on his dressers, he watched her for a moment before returning to his closet to fold up his clothes to finish packing. "we can just throw it all into a ball and pack that way. it wouldn't be so hard." finn complained, knowing she would be quick to yell at him about his packing styles. it wasn't his fault. she should have seen how he had packed in order to go live with the russians. ---------- seeing the irritation on connor's face as she commanded him to stay in one place, she gave him a look but didn't open her mouth. if he wanted to be ornery, he could be ornery. but that didn't mean he could bleed all over the house. shaking her head slightly as she got the wash cloth, she traveled back to him, seeing that he was still angry. when he flinched away from the cloth, she gave him a warning look and grabbed his chin rather forcefully. the old eli was slowly returning, her fire reigniting in her heart and her soul and she wasn't going to put up with his shit when he obviously needed to be taken care of. hearing his words, she actually snorted in response, her blue eyes flicking to his one good green eye. "you're not going to have to worry about the rug in a minute because if you don't hold still, i'll stab you myself." her irish accent was short and clipped, but the jest was clear as her eyes brightened with the smile that touched her lips. shaking her head, her hands worked softly but expertly, wiping the blood from around his brow, stemming the bleeding as best as she could. it didn't seem like he needed stitches, which was a relief because she couldn't imagine him bitching about that, but he would need something to stop the bleeding. putting a hand on his chest as she dropped the wash cloth, she went back to the kitchen and went to the cabinet to the side of the fridge, opening the door and bending down to the free the first aid kit from its resting place. knowing it was seldom used, she plopped it onto the counter and grabbed the necessary supplies from the correct places. walking back to him, she announced that she had something to tell him and when he spoke about stories, she looked down at him. "at least it will make things interesting." she said with a shrug of her shoulders and then ripped the strips of white tape free, sticking them over the wound above connor's eye. there was nothing that she could do for the blood vessels that were destroyed in his eye and she sighed as he finished, studying his face. "you look wonderful." eli told him sarcastically, shaking her head as he stood from the couch. that was when she told him. and that was when he stormed from the living room. wincing to herself, she instantly felt guilty for throwing kahlan under the bus the way that she had, but there really wasn't any other way to get connor to get outside to the pool house. his stubborn pride would get in the way of him actually repairing anything with finn and desperate times called for desperate measures. she wasn't sure how connor would take losing finn, what with all of the stress on his shoulders, and she certainly wanted to give him a chance to keep his friend around. however as she stopped behind him when they reached the pool house, she heard his caustic tones and knew instantly that this wasn't going to go well. but she needed to support him, despite how wrong he was being at the moment. crossing her arms over her chest, she leaned up against the door frame to the french doors of the pool house, her blue gaze apologetic as she gazed at the woman who was her best friend. -------- finn turned around to throw a couple more shirts into the duffel bag closest to him, and that was when he saw kahlan staring out across the yard. furrowing his brow, he tilted his head in confusion, stepping to the side so that he could follow her gaze. when he saw connor storming towards the pool house, his rage flared. "you have got to be fucking kidding me. this is getting ridiculous." he snapped in irritation, his entire body tensing as he clenched his fists by his sides. as connor entered the house that finn had quickly made his own place, his blue eyes flashed with an icy fire that made it clear that he was extremely angry. as the irish man spoke to his sister, ordering her around like some common mob soldier, his fury only peaked. finn was reaching his breaking point and it was quite obvious. "don't talk to her like that, fuck connor." he snapped viciously, his tone making even eli's stoic expression change to surprise. he couldn't take this anymore and as connor continued to order kahlan around, finn stepped forward, ready to punch him once again. maybe he needed matching black eyes, who really knew? but as he was about to put himself between kahlan and connor, he heard her words. he looked at her in surprise, stopping instantly. "or at least he was before you ruined him...just like you're ruining our family..." the impact of her words showed not only on connor's face, but finn's as well. he stood there in slight shock, trying to understand exactly what she had just said. he knew that connor's actions as of late hadn't been savory, but he didn't think that the man was pulling the family apart. he was under a lot of stress, but it was understandable. he was caring for twins, he was caring for his soon to be wife, he was caring for the entire irish mafia. what did people expect from him? forever the loyal soldier to connor, finn nearly spoke up in his defense, but then he started thinking about the other half of kahlan's statement. had connor ruined him? finn would be the first one to deny that statement simply because of his pride. he wasn't ruined. he had been shot, he had nearly died, but those were physical injuries. mentally, finn was determined to be the same person that he had always been, but it wasn't true. he was fucked up in the head. you didn't take a bullet from your best friend the way that finn had and not be affected by it. while no one would judge him if he admitted that he was ruined, he would judge himself. he couldn't bring himself to admit weakness, to admit failure. shaking those thoughts from his mind, he flicked his furious blue eyed gaze to the man in front of him, watching him react to his sister's words. kahlan wasn't the type of person to say things like that so the shock was written in everyone's features, even eli's. but finn was glad she had. it wasn't fair for her to keep herself closed up. crossing his arms over his chest now as he listened to connor and kahlan go back and forth, he was suddenly aware of his best friend's attention on him. finn's eyes flashed as connor admitted that he was wrong in assuming the things that he had. while connor wasn't wrong at all, finn wasn't about to admit that. he felt like the biggest hypocrite, the biggest liar, but he could not openly tell the man that he was right. it would ruin everything and anything they had left. his eyes met kahlan as she moved to stand with eli, who had remained silent through this entire exchange, his gaze not betraying them either. shaking his head slightly, he didn't know if he could do this. he didn't know if he could forgive the man in front of him after everything that had happened. connor had thrown the fact that he had shot finn in the head more times than finn could count now, and it wasn't a matter that he liked thinking about. the idea that connor would throw it around so easily was not something that finn could stomach easily and it simply pissed him off. he stood there, listening, the anger never ebbing from his hard features. he didn't know when he was going to forgive connor. "don't apologize for something you meant." he borrowed connor's words from only moments before, the hurt obvious in his features and his tone as he shook his head. connor's apology was mediocre at best and finn didn't want it. he didn't want anything from connor. "you don't have to worry about assuming anything because i'm gone. fuck this." he said with a shake of his head, zipping up his duffel bag for good measure. he moved to walk past connor in that moment and then caught sight of kahlan and eli. they didn't look happy. eli moved quickly, her reflexes improved after her pregnancy, and she slammed the doors shut without a moment to spare. locking them, she reached behind her and pulled a simple glock from her back, sliding a bullet into the chamber. "no one leaves until this shit gets sorted out. you try anything to get out of here and i'll shoot you myself. i don't care how long it takes, but this stops today. kahlan's right. you guys are best friends. figure it out." she spoke carefully, her tone guarded, but the frustration and anger obvious. finn looked at eli evenly for a moment, his rage still visible and now focused on her, but he knew he didn't have a choice. looking over at kahlan, he sighed miserably and dropped the duffel bag down on the bed and turned to his best friend. "you're not really sorry, are you connor?" KAHLAN. WORDS. PAJAMAS. TEMPLATE BY OH SO COOPERNATURAL ! @ CAUTION.

[KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/226038/summertime-stripes-pattern.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] all along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." hi "i wouldn't, and you know it," connor countered, his teeth coming unclenched even as his fists tightened at his sides. he would never apologize if he didn't mean it, even if it was an unwilling apology that struck at his pride. finn didn't understand, none of them did. the way he was when he entered that red haze, as he called it, it was uncontrollable. he remembered little, and he was much like a robot. he worked off of pure instinct, and that part of him had no allies. he saw blood and violence in that part of his mind that kept itself locked away from the rest of him until it was required. his rational mind had no part in it, and he didn't see the difference between friend and foe. all he'd seen that day was russians, people who had tortured and abused the woman that he loved. he couldn't remember that finn was there, that he would be in the way. he didn't even remember it happening, just as he didn't remember leaving konstantine barely breathing on the floor. two fatal mistakes in one day. his pride was keeping count. as finn shut down her brother's weak attempt at an apology, kahlan naturally took a slight step forward toward him. his hurt and anger were apparent to her even if connor was oblivious, and her natural inclination was to comfort him, as his friend and as the woman who loved him. but eli moved quicker than her, trained to react in a moment's notice where kahlan had not. the doors slamming behind her made kahlan flinch in surprise as she glanced toward the taller blond. connor turned to look at her over his shoulder, having already given up the attempt to win back any of finn's affections. he couldn't see finn's face because they both faced the same direction, and he absently ignored kahlan as he examined his fiancee's expression. she was irritated, but so were the rest of them, and he was honestly getting fed up with the entire ordeal. with a sigh that sounded more like a growl, he raised his hands in an exasperated gesture before they dropped back to his sides and he shook his head, walking away from the three of them clustered at the door. kahlan glanced at him as he went across the room in frustration before she looked back at finn. her eyes held everything she couldn't say, how she loved him more every moment and how she would support any decision he made. she also agreed with eli, that they needed to fix their issues, but she was a passive mediator and she obviously had no gun nor any clue how to use one. biting her bottom lip as he dropped his bag and turned back to connor, she watched the two of them as they squared off toward one another yet again. connor's hands were planted on his hips, driving his black shirt up around his muscular shoulders, and his gaze was a mixture of frustration, irritation, and exasperation as finn turned to face him. hearing the other man's words, he rolled his eyes and dropped his hands with a growl. he felt the sudden urge to throw something, but with a lack of objects to toss, he resorted to running his hands back through his black hair with a furious snarl. "i am really sorry, finn," he snapped, dropping his hands back to his sides. "i don't know how many times i have to say this, and i'm tired of repeating myself." shaking his head, he turned partly away for a moment before a surge came back over him and he swiftly turned back to face them all. "you don't get it! none of you get it," he barked irritably, waving his hand over all three of them. "you all have this image of what you imagine me to be, and it's all pieces of some fucking puzzle you're trying to put together in different places. "we're the same screwed up fucker, finn," he commented, pointing from his chest to finn's. "we think the same way, we feel the same way. it's always been that way, but you're still standing here with your feelings hurt over something that, ultimately, you know you understand!" kahlan breathed in deeply and backed up until her back was against the door, dropping her chin and staring for a moment at the floor. she liked to believe she understood her brother, but she knew he was right. just as he couldn't know every detail that went on in her mind, she couldn't know his. it wasn't physically possible. she understood certain aspects of him, but did she have an image she'd made of him in her mind? of course she did. they all did. connor had turned himself into a monster to protect all of them, to protect himself. he wasn't a complicated man like lennox was, but he was simple in the most violent of ways. connor understood violence and war because he'd been bred to be a soldier. now, he was a knight thrust into the position of a king, and it overwhelmed him. although their father had believed he would one day take that role, he'd never anticipated it happening the way it had, and he'd never prepared his eldest son for that day. connor was left woefully unprepared for the responsibility, and the selwyn mafia turned into a violent, warlike body as its limbs mirrored their head. she was the first to admit she could not relate to that part of him she'd seen the day he'd come home covered in blood that was not his own and had sat in the shower, unresponsive to anyone. it was a side of him she sometimes doubted was human; it was as if a switch went off in his head, shutting down his humanity and allowing something else entirely to take him over. she couldn't understand it, and she didn't think she wanted to understand it. but she somehow imagined that finn could. perhaps eli could, or at least she'd been able to reach him through it, whether she related to it or not. kahlan knew connor was right, out of anyone she knew, finn was possibly the most like connor. all the way down to their temperament, they were similar. connor didn't need someone to save him or to redeem him because he couldn't be redeemed and didn't want to be. he just needed a like mind, figures to relate to. "is this all really about that?" connor asked after a moment of silence had settled between them. "what is this all about, finn? how am i supposed to fix whatever is wrong here if i don't even know what it is?" tagged, finn │ word count, ? │ outfit, clothes │ notes, <333 I want you to stay

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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