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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 12, 2013 2:43:15 GMT -5
[atrb=border, 0, true][atrb=style, border-left: #3A4748 8px solid; border-right: #839175 2px dashed; background: #d8d8d8; padding-top: 16px; padding-right: 16px; padding-left: 16px; padding-bottom: 12px; -moz-border-radius: 10px; width: 368px;] knew you were trouble Round and round I won’t run away this time Till you show me what this life is for Round and round I’m not gonna let you change my mind Till you show me what this life is for CONNOR STOOD IN SILENCE AS ELI POINTED OUT HE COULD ONLY PROTECT HIS SISTER IN SO MANY WAYS. THAT WASN'T TRUE. HE COULD KEEP HER LOCKED UP IN HER BEDROOM AND KEEP HER A VIRGIN FOR THE REST OF HER DAMN LIFE IF HE PLEASED. HIS IRRITATION FUMED BENEATH THE SURFACE, SHOWING IN HIS EYES AS HE WATCHED HIMSELF. WHEN HE THREW THE CUP, ELI DIDN'T FLINCH, AND HE DIDN'T EXPECT HER TO. HE WOULD'VE BEEN DISAPPOINTED IF SHE DID. SHE MOVED PAST HIM TO GATHER THE PIECES, AND HE SIGHED INWARDLY AS HE CLOSED HIS EYES. THE ONLY SOUND WAS THE SCRAPING OF THE PORCELAIN AGAINST THE STONE TILE OF THE FLOOR AS SHE GATHERED THE PIECES. HE WAS VERY MUCH LIKE THAT CUP, BROKEN PIECES OF ONE THING THAT WERE CLINGING TO ONE ANOTHER BY THE THREADS OF HIS EXISTENCE. HE WAS CLOSE TO EXPLODING AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, AND EVERYONE AROUND HIM KNEW IT. IT WOULD BE HIS DOWNFALL, HE JUST DIDN'T SEE IT.
CONNOR WAS TIRED. HE WAS EXHAUSTED FROM BEING SO ANGRY, AND HE PLANTED THE PALMS OF HIS HANDS ON THE COUNTERTOP, HIS SHOULDERS ARCHING TO SUPPORT HIS WEIGHT. HE HEARD ELI MOVE BESIDE HIM, HEARD HER WORDS, BUT THEY GRAZED THE SURFACE OF HIS SKIN. HIS GREEN EYES FLICKERED OPEN AND HIS HAND REACHED OUT TOWARD HER, TAKING HER CHIN BETWEEN HIS THUMB AND FOREFINGER AND PULLING HER FACE TO FACE HIM. HE TURNED HIS HEAD, HIS EYES EXAMINING HER AS SHE STOOD IN SILENCE NEXT TO HIM. HIS THUMB RELEASED HER CHIN AS HIS FINGERS CUPPED THE BOTTOM OF HER FACE, AND HIS THUMB RAN ACROSS HER LIPS IN A FEATHER-LIGHT TOUCH. LEANING TOWARD HER, HE KISSED HER IN SILENCE, NOT ANSWERING HER COMMENTS. HE DIDN'T HAVE TO.
HIS ANGER WAS DEFLATED, LEFT TO BRIM WITHIN HIS BLOOD, AND HE GENTLY RELEASED HER CHIN, HIS HAND RUNNING DOWN HER NECK BEFORE HE WITHDREW IT AND PUSHED AWAY FROM THE SINK. "I NEED A SHOWER TO RINSE OFF THE PUKE," HE STATED, COCKING HIS HEAD TO THE SIDE AND SIGHING.
TURNING AWAY FROM HER, HE STEPPED TOWARD THE SHOWER AND TURNED ON THE WATER, MULLING OVER THE LAST HOUR AND WONDERING HOW HE WAS GOING TO RECONCILE IT ALL. HE FELT NUMB NOW, OFTEN A DANGEROUS FEELING FOR HIM BECAUSE IT COULD EITHER MEAN HE WAS FORGETTING OR HE WAS INTERNALIZING.
"YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T MATTER, RIGHT?" HE ASKED HER, HIS BACK TO HER AS HE FACED THE SHOWER. TURNING HIS FACE, HIS SILHOUETTE OUTLINED AGAINST THE SHOWER DOOR, HE PAUSED FOR A MOMENT BEFORE TURNING TO LOOK BACK AT HER OVER HIS SHOULDER. "NONE OF IT MATTERS, ELI. NOT REALLY. WE'RE ALL JUST TOO CAUGHT UP IN IT TO NOTICE."
IT WAS CONFUSING AND INTROSPECTIVE FOR HIM, AND HIS SHOULDERS SAGGED FOR A MOMENT. IT WAS SLIGHT, BUT IT WAS THERE. HE HAD TOO MUCH WEIGHT ON HIS SHOULDERS FOR A MAN OF HIS AGE. HE WAS ONLY TWENTY-FIVE, ALMOST TWENTY-SIX, YEARS OLD. HE SHOULDN'T BE THE GODFATHER OF THE MAFIA. HE SHOULD HAVE BOTH OF HIS PARENTS, AND HE SHOULD BE SHARING THE BIRTH OF HIS CHILDREN WITH HIS FATHER. BUT HE COULDN'T DO THOSE THINGS BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE WHO'D PUT A BULLET THROUGH HIS FATHER'S HEAD, AND HE WAS THE BLOODTHIRSTY HEAD OF THE IRISH MAFIA. HE WAS MUCH HATED AND MUCH FEARED THROUGHOUT BOSTON AND THE EAST COAST. THE IRA HAD A MARK ON HIM ESPECIALLY, ALONG WITH THE CLOSE MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY. THE RUSSIANS WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL, AND ALL OF THESE FACTS SETTLED OVER HIM ON A DAILY BASIS. HE WASN'T A THINKER LIKE LENNOX, AND HE WASN'T A NURTURER LIKE KAHLAN. ASHER HAD THE STRENGTH OF HIS WILL BESTOWED ON HIM BY FIGHTING WITH A SICKNESS HE DIDN'T DESERVE, FROM CHILDHOOD, BUT CONNOR WAS NOTHING BUT A KILLER.
AND WHAT DID THAT MATTER ANYWAY?
"WILL YOU GO CHECK ON ASHER? OR TELL LENNOX TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND DO SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE," HE POINTED OUT. HE STILL HADN'T TOLD HER ABOUT ASHER'S SICKNESS, BUT THE NOTABLE ABSENCE OF THE FOURTH SELWYN SIBLING WAS SURE TO GARNER SOME ATTENTION, SO HE DIDN'T FEEL HE HAD TO EXPLAIN HIS DESIRE TO KNOW WHERE ASHER WAS.
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FINN'S VOICE WAS SOOTHING BECAUSE OF ITS FAMILIARITY, BUT SHE WAS STILL PETRIFIED OF THE WATER. SHE TRIED TO TAKE HIS WORDS TO HEART, TRIED TO REMIND HERSELF THAT IT WAS ONLY THREE FEET OF WATER, BUT SHE'D BEEN SURE SHE WAS DROWNING WHEN HE'D FIRST THROWN HER IN. TWISTING TO FACE HIM, SHE FELT MORE COMFORTABLE BEING ABLE TO SEE HIS FACE IF SHE WANTED TO, AND SHE HUGGED HERSELF TO HIM, NOT CARING THAT HE WAS WEARING NO SHIRT. SHE'D SEEN HIM SHIRTLESS BEFORE, AND HER MIND WAS STILL INEBRIATED AND FRIGHTENED ENOUGH TO LOOK PAST SUCH THINGS.
SOOTHED BY HIS COMFORT, SHE ALMOST BEGAN TO FALL ASLEEP AGAINST HIM IN THE WATER. THE BRUSH OF SOMETHING AGAINST HER FOREHEAD MADE HER EYES FLIT OPEN, AND SHE SAT UP, UNAWARE THAT HE'D JUST KISSED HER. WHEN SHE PULLED AWAY FROM HIM, ASKING IF SHE'D PUKED ON HER BROTHER, HIS RESPONSE MADE HER WRINKLE HER NOSE AND LAUGH, EASING THE TENSION IN HER CHEST. "HE DID," SHE AGREED, SHRUGGING HER SHOULDERS AND SMILING NOW THAT SOME OF HER SENSE OF HUMOR WAS RETURNING TO HER.
HE REACTED INSTANTLY WHEN SHE MUTTERED THAT SHE WAS TIRED, AND HE FLOATED HER ACROSS THE WATER TOWARD THE SIDE OF THE POOL. SHE TENSED VISIBLY, CLINGING TO HIS HAND AS THE WATER BRUSHED PAST AROUND HER. SHE SHOULDN'T BE SO AVERSE TO IT. SHE'D LIVED IN CALIFORNIA AFTER ALL, BUT SHE'D NEVER HAD THE DESIRE TO GO SWIMMING. BOTH OF HER HANDS GRIPPED HIS AS HE LED HER THROUGH THE WATER, AND SHE WAS ONLY TOO THANKFUL WHEN THEY REACHED THE STAIRS AND SHE STRUGGLED TO CLIMB OUT. HER LEGS WERE STRONGER BUT STILL LIKE JELLY, AND SHE HAD TO USE HIS HAND AND THE RAIL TO DRAG HERSELF UP.
THANKFULLY, HE RETURNED TO HER SIDE AND SCOOPED HER UP BEFORE SHE MADE A FOOL OF HERSELF BY FALLING WEAKLY BACK INTO THE POOL, AND SHE SIGHED CONTENTEDLY AS SHE LAID HER HEAD OVER ON HIS SHOULDER. SHE WAS TIRED, BUT SHE WAS ALSO HUNGRY AND THAT THOUGHT MADE HER FEEL NAUSEOUS AGAIN. "FINN, I'M DISGUSTING," SHE MUTTERED, SMELLING THE CHLORINE AND FAINT PUKE SMELL ON HER. HER HAIR DRIPPED PITIFULLY AND SHE IMAGINED SHE LOOKED LIKE A DROWNED RAT AS HE CARRIED HER THROUGH THE DOORWAY IN TO THE HOUSE.
"I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SWIM," SHE ARGUED WEAKLY, HER CONTRARINESS REAPPEARING AS SHE SOBERED UP. "I'M PERFECTLY FINE ON SOLID GROUND AT ALL TIMES." SHE DIDN'T NOTICE HOW SLOWLY HE CLIMBED THE STAIRS AS SHE BEGAN DOZING AGAINST HIM. IT WASN'T UNTIL THEY ENTERED HER FAMILIAR BEDROOM AND THE BRIGHT LIGHTS OF THE BATHROOM ROUSED HER.
SHE WHINED SLIGHTLY AS HE SET HER ON HER FEET AND SHE SLUMPED AGAINST THE WALL FOR SUPPORT. HER CLOTHES DRIPPED ON THE FLOOR, CREATING A PUDDLE AROUND HER FEET, BUT SHE DIDN'T CARE. HE LEFT HER TO TURN ON THE HOT WATER AND TO RETRIEVE HER ROBE WHICH SHE STARED AT CONFUSEDLY WHEN HE HELD IT OUT TO HER.
"HOOOO NO," SHE REMARKED WHEN SHE FIGURED IT OUT. SHAKING HER HEAD, SHE GLANCED TOWARD THE SHOWER STUBBORNLY. IT DID LOOK SO INVITING AS THE STEAM LIFTED OUT OF IT AND BEGAN TO FILL THE ROOM, AND SHE KNEW SHE WANTED TO GET IN AND BATHE HERSELF. SHE WAS DISGUSTING AND IT WAS BARELY EVEN LUNCHTIME.
"IF THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO TURN AROUND," SHE POINTED OUT HARDHEADEDLY, POINTING TOWARD THE DOOR. HE TURNED AWAY, AND SHE STRUGGLED WITH HER SHIRT WHICH WAS PLASTERED TO HER THANKS TO THE DUNK IN THE POOL. SUCCESSFULLY REMOVING IT LEFT HER IN HER BRA AND SKIRT. THE SKIRT CHAFED HER SOFT SKIN AS SHE SHOVED IT DOWN FROM HER WAIST. THE LIGHTWEIGHT FABRIC WAS WEIGHED DOWN BY THE WATER SOAKING IT, AND SHE PILED IT IN THE SINK WITH HER SHIRT.
STEPPING IN TO THE SHOWER, BALANCING HERSELF WITH HER HANDS ON THE WALLS, SHE STRUGGLED NOT TO FALL AS THE HOT WATER HIT HER. SHE WAS STILL CLOTHED IN HER UNDERWEAR, BUT SHE JUST STOOD IN THE HOT WATER FOR A MOMENT, ENJOYING THE HEAT. SHE HEARD THE DOOR LOCK, AND SHE STOOD WITH HER HEAD UNDER THE RUSHING WATER AS FINN CLIMBED IN BEHIND HER. THE COLD OF THE POOL WAS REPLACED BY THE HOT SHOWER, AND HER MUSCLES STOPPED CLENCHING WITH THE CHILL AND THE FEAR WHICH HAD GRIPPED THEM.
HE PULLED HER BACK AGAINST HIM, AND SHE GRATEFULLY LEANED BACK AGAINST HIM, AWARE OF THE FEEL OF HIS BACK AGAINST HER SHOULDER-BLADES. TIREDLY, SHE ALLOWED HER HEAD TO DROP BACK ON TO HIS SHOULDER, AND SHE WAS PERFECTLY AT EASE WITH HIM DESPITE THE FACT SHE HAD NOTHING BUT HER UNDERWEAR ON AND HE WAS SHIRTLESS. BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL. SHE ACCEPTED THE TOOTHBRUSH FROM HIM, LIFTING HER HEAD SO SHE COULD CLEAN OUT HER MOUTH. RINSING ALL BAD TASTES FROM HER MOUTH, SHE FILLED HER MOUTH WITH WATER FROM THE SHOWER-HEAD AND SPIT IT OUT BEFORE PLACING THE TOOTHBRUSH ON THE RACK HANGING ON THE SIDE OF THE SHOWER.
SIGHING TO HERSELF, SHE TURNED HER HEAD SLIGHTLY AND LOOKED UP AT HIM OUT OF THE SIDES OF HER EYES. "I HAVE TO UNDRESS NOW," SHE POINTED OUT GENTLY, RAISING AN EYEBROW AT HIM. "TURN AROUND," SHE ORDERED.
SATISFIED THAT HE COULD NO LONGER SEE HER, SHE PULLED HER UNDERWEAR DOWN OVER HER LEGS, DROPPING THEM OVER THE WALL TO THE FLOOR BEYOND. REACHING AROUND HER BACK, SHE UNCLASPED HER BRA AND DROPPED IT AFTER HER UNDERWEAR. SHE WAS WILDLY AWARE OF HER BARED SKIN FOR SHE'D NEVER BEEN NAKED AROUND A MAN WHO WASN'T RELATED TO HER BEFORE. HER HEART BEAT NERVOUSLY IN HER CHEST, AND SHE TURNED TO FACE HIS FACE, GENTLY PLACING HER HANDS ON HIS SHOULDERS. CAREFUL NOT TO TOUCH HIM, BUT FEELING THE STRANGEST ELECTRICAL CURRENT COURSING BENEATH THE SURFACE OF HER SKIN, SHE SLID HER HANDS UP HIS SHOULDERS UNTIL SHE WAS COVERING HIS FACE WITH HER DELICATE HANDS.
"KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED," SHE COMMENTED, "I NEED YOU TO HELP ME. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO FALL OVER." SHE HATED ADMITTING THAT SHE WAS STILL WEAK FROM THE ALCOHOL, BUT SHE KNEW SHE COULD TRUST HIM. GATHERING HER WASHCLOTH AND SOAP, SHE MOVED SO HER BACK WAS LEANED AGAINST HIM AGAIN. THE SUPPORT HELPED TO KEEP HER UPRIGHT, AND HER HEART BEAT TOO HARD AS SHE USED HIM TO KEEP HERSELF ON HER FEET. HER KNEES FELT WEAK FOR REASONS SHE COULDN'T COMPREHEND, BUT SHE IGNORED IT AS SHE RAN THE WASHCLOTH OVER HER SMOOTH SKIN. SOAP COVERED THEM BOTH BY THE TIME SHE SUCCESSFULLY COATED HERSELF, AND SHE SNORTED IN AMUSEMENT AT THE SIGHT.
"COME HERE," SHE URGED HIM, CAREFULLY SLIDING PAST HIM ALONG THE SHOWER WALL AND PUSHING HIM BENEATH THE SURGE OF THE SHOWERHEAD. AS THE WATER RINSED THE SOAP FROM HIM, SHE PLACED THE PALMS OF HER HAND AGAINST HIS BACK AND DIPPED HER HANDS IN THE WATER, SPLASHING HERSELF AND SOAKING HER WASHCLOTH TO RINSE HERSELF OFF.
EXHAUSTED ONCE MORE, MORE THAN BEFORE, SHE LEANED HER FOREHEAD AGAINST HIS SHOULDER, HER HANDS MOVING TO HIS SHOULDERS AS SHE FORCED HERSELF TO BREATHE DEEPLY. "THANK YOU, FINN," SHE MURMURED IN A QUIET VOICE. "CAN YOU TURN OFF THE SHOWER?" SHE ASKED GENTLY, BACKING AWAY FROM HIM AND OFFERING HIS PERSONAL SPACE BACK. SHE GRIPPED THE SHOWER DOOR AND ALMOST FELL AS SHE CLIMBED OUT, GATHERING HER ROBE AND NOT BOTHERING TO DRY HERSELF WITH A TOWEL FIRST. SHE HATED THE FEEL OF HER WET SKIN BENEATH THE ROBE, BUT SHE WAS TOO EXHAUSTED AND WEAK TO USE THE TOWEL HANGING ON THE WALL. SITTING ON THE CLOSED TOILET SEAT, SHE RESTED HER FOREHEAD IN HER HANDS AND SIGHED TIREDLY.
WHEN THE SHOWER WAS SHUT OFF, SHE LOOKED UP AT HIM, GLISTENING FROM THE WATER THAT SOAKED HIM, AND SHE SWALLOWED HEAVILY, GLANCING AWAY FOR A MOMENT. HER INHIBITIONS WERE SLOWLY RETURNING TO HER - ALTHOUGH HER MEMORIES UNFORTUNATELY WERE NOT - AND SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE CAUGHT STARING AT HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND'S BARE CHEST. FORCING HERSELF TO LOOK BACK UP AT HIM, HER WIDE GREEN EYES LOOKED DIRECTLY INTO HIS ICE BLUE GAZE QUESTIONINGLY.
"WILL YOU STAY WITH ME?" SHE ASKED IN A SMALL VOICE, REACHING OUT FOR HIS HAND TO HELP HERSELF STAND. WHEN SHE ROSE, SHE WAS STANDING TOO CLOSE TO HIM, AND SHE BASHFULLY GLANCED AWAY AS SHE TURNED TO MOVE TOWARD THE BEDROOM. WATER DRIPPED FROM HER HAIR ONTO HER ROBED SHOULDERS, BUT SHE IGNORED IT AS SHE STUMBLED ONCE AND CAUGHT HERSELF AGAINST THE WALL. HOW PATHETIC WAS SHE THAT SHE COULDN'T EVEN WALK ON HER OWN? tag: finn words: a ton template by eliza @ shadowplay & shine |
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Post by finnegan malachi odaire on Feb 12, 2013 4:19:13 GMT -5
Eli gazed at him, wishing in this moment that she could take some of his pain, take some of the pressure he was feeling off of his shoulders. She could read him, better than she could read herself, and she knew that he was struggling with the weight of the entire Irish mafia and the outside world. It wasn't hard to see. It wasn't hard to decipher. Connor was a walking, ticking time bomb and she would be a fool to deny that she was terrified of the explosion and the aftermath. She knew what Connor was capable of, but this time she wasn't worried about him hurting anyone else. She was worried about him hurting himself. Ultimately, she was petrified that he was going to send himself to his own death and she didn't want to miss him like that. She was being selfish, yes, but it was the truth. She couldn't live this life without Connor in it. That much was obvious from the struggles she had faced before their reconciliation. But watching him now, struggle the way that he was, tore her apart in a way that she never thought possible.
She didn't speak his name as she came to his side, looking up at him quietly with her searching gaze. She willed him to let her help him, to let someone in so that he didn't have to bear this weight on his own. This was who she was now. She was his partner, his Queen. While she had been afraid to accept the power in the past, especially when his Uncle Kipper had come to town and told her of what was expected of her, she had time to accept it now. And she would accept it willingly. As he raised his hand to gently cup her chin, turning her face towards him even more, she sighed softly, yet audibly so. "Let me help you." The words were gentle, but not a plea. She wouldn't beg him for anything. They were a request, one that he could mull over and decide what she meant by it. Eli could help him in more ways than one if he would just allow it. But he was too blinded by his rage to see clearly and she wished that there was something she could do.
Watching him struggle like this was not something that she could handle. Connor didn't know what it was like to watch someone beat themselves down until they had nothing left to give. Not in a mental way. But Eli knew. She knew from firsthand experience. She might not understand the severity of his mental beat down, but she knew what it was like to suffer from your own thoughts, from your own pressures. He didn't see that she was one of the only people that could possibly begin to understand him.
However, he broke through her string of thoughts by running his fingers softly over her lips. This tender side of Connor was something that she didn't understand. She accepted it, willingly, but she had trouble figuring out just when and why he brought this part out of himself. She should be thankful, she knew, but it scared her sometimes. He was never tender unless she desperately needed the comfort, if it came to the pregnancy or something of that nature, and she certainly didn't need his comfort now. It was the other way around, so as he met her lips in one of the sweetest kisses she had ever received from him, her heart skipped a beat out of uneasiness, but she returned it just as softly. Sighing as he broke away from her, he watched as he pushed himself from the counter and stepped to the shower. She was about to head out of the bathroom to give him some privacy when she suddenly heard his voice. Furrowing her brow at his words, she tried to understand what he was talking about in the first place. What didn't matter?
As she tried to understand, she got the rest of her answer even though it still made no sense to her. She wasn't certain of what he was talking about, but she had a feeling. Frowning, she looked at him, studying his back and only meeting his eyes when he turned to look at her. "Connor, it may not matter, but you know we do, right? You matter to me." She whispered quietly, unsure if it made an impact on him. Hearing his next words, she only nodded, knowing he needed to be alone.
Stepping from the bathroom, she walked from the bedroom, closing the door behind her and wishing that today had not even happened. It was just another thing that he could not handle, that much was obvious. Biting her bottom lip, she decided to employ Lennox's help in matters, knowing her relationship with Asher was shaky at best. Finding the Selwyn brother in the kitchen, she spoke up. "Can you do me a favor please? Connor seems worried about Asher, and since I'm not one of the boy's favorites, do you think you could check on him, please?" She finished with a sigh, watching the other brother with worry still etched on her features.
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Asher was currently in his bedroom, sweating out one of his body ache episodes. It was something that he hated, something that usually left him throwing up afterwards, especially because of the treatments that he was now accepting, but he had no choice. Connor had fronted all of the money for all of the best medicine, and he couldn't refuse his older brother. Instead, he suffered in his solitude, although that didn't guarantee his silence.
A groan left his throat as his back spasmed with pain, and he whimpered out in short gasps of air as he struggled to calm himself down. Grabbing his pillow, he hugged it against his chest, crying out miserably in his agony, wishing there was some way that he could just shut it off.
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Hearing her whine in protest when he set her on her feet, he sighed, promising her he would be right back. He wasn't going to leave her alone to try to sort through this haze of drunkenness. Listening to her protest as he handed her the robe, he raised an eyebrow, knowing no other way out of this. "I'm not going to look, calm yourself." He informed her, knowing just how personal they were about to get. As she ordered him to turn around, he did so without hesitation, feeling increasingly uncomfortable in the jeans that were chaffing against his skin. Huffing in irritation just to be contrary, he kept his back turned to her until he heard her climb into the shower. Not knowing the position she had left herself in, he only turned rather timidly, doing a double take only when he saw that she was in her bra and underwear. Relieved, he turned to her after locking the door, watching as she immersed herself under the steady stream of hot water. Looking down at his hands for a moment, he finally worked up the courage to step in behind her. He had promised to take care of her and he would. This was taking care of her, right?
It had to be.
When she leaned comfortably back against him, he had to admit to himself that he was surprised, but he didn't say anything out loud in fear that it would spook her. Supporting her easily, he yet again ignored his own pain in order to treat hers. What he really needed was a strong drink and an even stronger pain medication, which he knew that he could find in his room in the pool house. Wanting to drug himself into oblivion, he knew that he couldn't leave her. It wouldn't be right. Instead, he waited until she took her toothbrush, only lifting her head enough to cleanse her mouth of the taste of vomit that he was certain was surely there. When she finished, he still supported her as she put the brush off to the side. However, he didn't expect what she said next, and his eyes widened imperceptibly. "Okay.." Still rather shell shocked by her words, he turned around quickly, shuffling because of the weight he was unable to bear on his injured limb. He really shouldn't have run before, but he was paying for it now. Crossing his arms over his chest as the goosebumps rose upon his skin from the absence of the warm water, he didn't move until she gave him the signal that it was alright.
Feeling her hands on his shoulders, he inhaled sharply, but refused to open his eyes, knowing that she was inappropriate. "Kahlan.." He nearly whispered in question, not understanding what she was doing as she reached to cover his eyes with her hands. Hearing her words, he felt the smile grace his lips, nodding in acquiesce. "I promise they'll stay closed." He assured her, not even daring to peak down at her because he still had his morals and he knew that she had hers. He would never disrespect Kahlan in such a manner, and he did his best to support her when she admitted that she needed help. He could hear the embarrassment in her words and he simply nodded his head to let her know that her leaning against him was perfectly acceptable. Her bare skin warmed him in ways that he never thought would be possible, and he sucked in another sharp breath from the simple movements she made as she rinsed herself with the washcloth. Feeling the thick foam coat his own skin, he was thankful for it because he felt grimy from the chlorine in the pool.
She seemed to catch sight of him, for she heard the giggle, then her command. "Where?" He questioned her blindly, stumbling slightly as she urged him underneath the water from the shower head. Rinsing himself thankfully, he still kept his pants firmly in place despite the fact that he was immensely uncomfortable. Running his hands through his now messy hair, he was glad for the leftover soap that allowed himself to clean out the short strands that now stuck out all over the place. Feeling her hands on him once again made him tense, her forehead pressing against his back even though he was unsure she would want it if she was entirely sober. Trying his best not to react to her in a way that would offend her, he remained absolutely still as she leaned against him more heavily, obviously spent from the simple actions of cleaning herself off. It was definitely needed though, and he was sure that she would feel better in the long run. She was going to sleep for the rest of the day, certainly.
As her hands crested to his shoulders, he turned his face upwards so that the water pelted his expression as he closed his eyes. This was absolute torture, and if Connor ever found out, he might as well pack his bags, especially after today. Running his hands through his hair once more, his shoulders flexed from the movements, stopping only when he felt the scar above his right temple. His fingers brushed across the familiar circle with hesitation, and he shrank away from the blemish before he could think much about what it meant. Trying to remain calm, he traced the string sized line that traveled from the circle to the back of his head from where he had been opened up in an attempt to find the bullet. Feeling sick to his stomach, he dropped his hands quickly and heard Kahlan's request. His voice cracked to life in response. "Sure, yeah. I got it." He informed her patiently, reaching forward. He creaked the shower spigot to off, hearing the water croak down the drain as the tub below him emptied. Waiting until she gave him permission to open his eyes, he finally did so, squinting slightly from the sudden appearance of the light.
He moved awkwardly because of the combination of his soaked jeans that hugged him tightly, as well as his crippled leg. His hands went out to brace himself as he climbed out, his chest rippling as he managed to bring himself from the shower. Looking up, he caught her looking at him in a way that he found immensely satisfying, but he didn't mention it as her eyes met his. He offered her his crooked grin, knowing she was about ready for bed by the look on her face. Hearing her question, he looked at her in slight confusion, watching her as she took his hand to help herself stand. When she invaded his personal space once more, he only gave her a wry smile. "Of course I'll stay. But I really need to get changed first. I'll put clothes out on your bed for you so you can change." He explained to her, giving her a small nod as he supported her through the door by placing his hands on her waist and guiding her forward, firmly traveling behind her. Once she was seated on the bed, he ducked out as hastily as he could, going across the hall to the guest bedroom that he seldom stayed in.
However, he knew that he stored extra clothes in there just in case the need arose from him to stay inside of the mansion instead of in the pool house. Glad for that reason alone, he hurried into the room and peeled his pants off of him without bothering to shut the door. He was way too uncomfortable to wait any longer and he had no shame in the first place. He didn't care who saw him. Luckily, no one decided to travel by, and he changed in piece, pulling on a dry pair of boxers against his equally dry skin, for he had used a hand towel from the bathroom to get himself situated. While it wasn't normal sized, it had done the trick. Pulling a pair of grey sweatpants on, he tossed a black tee shirt over his head, leaving his hair a mess as he crossed the hallway once more.
Knocking on her door, he waited to hear that it was alright for him to enter and did so without hesitation. Seeing her seated on the bed, but changed, thankfully, he gave her a smile. "Need help?" He didn't need to wait for her response because he was going to do it anyway. Heading over to her with the familiar limp to his step, he picked her up bridal style once more, managing to pull her covers back with his knee as he knelt against the bed. Sliding her beneath the blankets, he made sure that she was situated before climbing over her and plopping down on the mattress, over the comforter. Closing his eyes for the time being, he realized that he was absolutely wiped, and his body hurt in many places. "Ugh, nap time. You're hard work." He teased her openly, already pretty much drifting off on her comfortable bed. She only had herself to blame for his exhaustion.
"words" ### "tags" tags <3"notes" hello hello bbby
THANK YOU, DUCK @ CAUTION!
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Post by KAHLAN AIDEEN SELWYN on Feb 12, 2013 14:53:06 GMT -5
[atrb=border, 0, true][atrb=style, border-left: #3A4748 8px solid; border-right: #839175 2px dashed; background: #d8d8d8; padding-top: 16px; padding-right: 16px; padding-left: 16px; padding-bottom: 12px; -moz-border-radius: 10px; width: 368px;] knew you were trouble Round and round I won’t run away this time Till you show me what this life is for Round and round I’m not gonna let you change my mind Till you show me what this life is for HE WOULDN'T LET HER HELP HIM, AND SHE KNEW IT. HE SAW IT IN HER FACE WHEN SHE LOOKED AT HIM. NO ONE COULD HELP HIM, NOT ELI, OR KAHLAN OR LENNOX OR ASHER. HE INTERNALIZED HIS ANGER MORE THAN IT SEEMED THANKS TO HIS FIERY NATURE. HE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE WHAT HE WAS FEELING BECAUSE HE COULDN'T GET OVER THE THOUGHT THAT 'FEELING' ANYTHING WAS A WEAKNESS. HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW HIS FATHER HAD BALANCED IT. KYSON HAD NEVER GROOMED HIM TO BE IN CHARGE. HE'D ONLY EVER BEEN A SOLDIER. HE HADN'T BEEN THE FATHER AND HUSBAND; HE HADN'T BEEN THE LEADER. NOW, HE WAS COMBINING ALL OF THOSE ROLES IN TO ONE WITH NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE AND ALL HE COULD DO WAS TRUDGE THROUGH IT ALL WITH THE KNOWLEDGE HE HAD.
THAT AMOUNTED TO HIS ANGER.
AS A SOLDIER, A COLONEL, IN THE IRISH MAFIA'S ARMY, HIS ANGER WAS HIS WEAPON. THAT BITTER, ALL-CONSUMING, GOAL-ORIENTED ANGER HAD WON HIM MORE BATTLES THAN HIS PHYSICAL STRENGTH. HE STOPPED CARING ABOUT EVERYTHING, BLOCKED OUT THE WORLD, AND HONED IN ON HIS GOAL. THAT WAS WHAT FORMULATED HIS LIFE, THAT WAS THE CHARACTERISTIC HIS FATHER HAD GROOMED AND STOKED LIKE A FIRE WITHIN HIM. HE'D NEVER TRAINED HIS SOFTER SIDE, NEVER ALLOWED HIM TO FEEL. IT WAS WHY HE'D BEEN CAREFULLY KEPT SEPARATE FROM ASHER. IT WAS WHY KYSON HAD SHUNNED LENNOX WHEN HE'D BEEN DRIVEN BY HIS DESIRES INSTEAD OF WHAT THE FAMILY REQUIRED OF HIM. IT WAS WHY KAHLAN WAS SHAPED INTO A PRECIOUS LITTLE FLOWER OF PURITY AND PERFECTION WHILE CONNOR BECAME THE DEMON, THE FIGHTER, THE MONSTER.
HE WAS THEIR PROTECTOR, AND THE WAY HE DID THAT WAS WHY BEING MEANER THAN THE REST OF THEM. HE BECAME THE OBJECT OF EVERYONE'S HATRED TO PROTECT THEM. KAHLAN COULDN'T PROTECT HERSELF, ASHER WAS TOO SICK TO PROTECT HIMSELF, AND LENNOX WASN'T VIOLENT ENOUGH. SO HE TURNED IN TO WHAT EVERYONE EXPECTED: A MONSTER. AND IN THAT PROCESS, HE'D GOTTEN SO DEEPLY ENTRENCHED IN THAT IMAGE THAT HE FORGOT ANY SHRED OF HUMANITY THAT MAY HAVE MANAGED TO SURVIVE IN THE BARREN WASTELAND THAT WAS HIS CONSCIOUSNESS.
THEN THERE WAS ELI, AND BY EXTENSION, FINN. NEITHER OF THEM WERE RELATED TO HIM BY BLOOD, BUT THEY WERE PEOPLE HE WOULD KILL FOR, JUST AS HE WOULD KILL FOR HIS FAMILY. HE COULDN'T HANDLE THESE SATELLITES IN HIS LIFE, DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BALANCE THEM AGAINST THAT BLOODTHIRSTY NATURE THAT HAD BECOME PART OF HIM. HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS. HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BE A FRIEND, AND HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BE A LOVER. HE KNEW HE LOVED ELI, BUT HIS VERSION OF LOVE WAS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S. HE POSSESSED HER, HE FILLED HER, SHE BELONGED TO HIM. THERE WERE SHADOWS OF HIS CONSCIOUSNESS THAT WERE FILLED IN WITH HER PRESENCE, JUST AS OTHER PARTS OF HIM WERE COMPLETED BY FINN. THAT WAS WHAT MADE HIM THE ANGRIEST ABOUT SEEING FINN WITH HIS SISTER. KAHLAN AND FINN WERE SEPARATE BOXES IN HIS MIND, CAREFULLY PACKAGED AND WRAPPED AND DESIGNED TO REMAIN APART.
SURE, HE'D ALWAYS BELIEVED KAHLAN WOULD GROW UP AND GET MARRIED ONE DAY, MAYBE FALL IN LOVE OR WHATEVER IT WAS THAT WOMEN WANTED, BUT SEEING HER EVEN TOUCH FINN - NO MATTER WHO INITIATED IT, ALTHOUGH HE BLAMED FINN BECAUSE HE KNEW HOW HE WAS - FILLED HIM WITH A BITTERNESS. NO ONE COULD PROTECT HIS SISTER LIKE HE COULD. HE WAS HER SHIELD. HE SAW HIMSELF AS FINN'S SHIELD ALSO, AS HIS FRIEND, HIS CHILDHOOD COMPANION, AND HIS EMPLOYER. THE CONFLICT OF PERSONAL LIFE VERSUS THE VIOLENCE OF THEIR DAILY LIVES WAS TOO INCONGRUOUS FOR HIM TO RECONCILE.
HE RELEASED ELI'S FACE AS HE PULLED AWAY FROM KISSING HER. HE HEARD HER WORDS AS HE REACHED THE SHOWER, AND HE SIGHED, FILLED WITH THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS HE COULDN'T BEGIN TO EXPRESS. HE WAS TIRED. EXHAUSTED.
"I KNOW." IT WAS A SIMPLE RESPONSE, BUT IT WAS AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. HE ASKED HER TO FETCH LENNOX, NEEDING TO BE ALONE WITH THE BOILING SOUP OF HIS THOUGHTS, AND HE KNEW SHE UNDERSTOOD. HE WAS GRATEFUL FOR HER UNDERSTANDING.
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LENNOX POURED HIMSELF A GLASS OF RAW COW'S MILK SINCE HE DIDN'T DRINK ALCOHOL. LEANING OVER ON THE COUNTER, HE STARED OFF AT NOTHING, THE CHILDISH FIGHT ON THE FRONT LAWN HAVING BARELY PHASED HIM. IT WAS CONNOR'S AND FINN'S PROBLEM, AND THEY WERE FIGHTING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE. WHATEVER IT WAS - AND HE IMAGINED IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH KAHLAN THANKS TO HER WELL-TIMED INTERJECTION ON THE CONFRONTATION - IT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. WHAT WAS HIS BUSINESS WAS KEEPING HIS BROTHER FROM PUNCHING SOMEONE TO DEATH IN THE GRASS BY THE FRONT PORCH WHERE EVERY PAPARAZZO WITH A WIDE ANGLE LENS COULD GET A PHOTO OF IT. HE WAS THEIR DAMAGE CONTROL.
SEEING ELI APPEAR, HE GLANCED OVER AT HER, WATCHING HER IMPASSIVELY BUT NOT UNPLEASANTLY AS SHE ASKED HIM TO CHECK ON ASHER PER CONNOR'S REQUEST. IT STRUCK HIM AS ODD THAT HIS BROTHER WOULD WANT ANY OF THEM CHECKED ON IN PARTICULAR, BUT HE DIDN'T QUESTION HER AS TO CONNOR'S INTENTIONS. KNOWING CONNOR, HE WOULDN'T HAVE EXPLAINED HIS THOUGHTS TO HER ANYWAY EVEN IF SHE WAS THE ONLY WOMAN WHO WOULD PUT UP WITH HIM, THE ONLY WOMAN WHO WOULD EVEN BEGIN TO LOVE HIM.
"FOR YOU, I WILL," HE RESPONDED TO ELI, SMILING AT HER AS HE MOVED TOWARD THE STAIRS AND CLIMBED UP TO HIS YOUNGER BROTHER'S ROOM.
KNOCKING POLITELY ON THE DOOR, HE CALLED OUT ASHER'S NAME AND WAITED PATIENTLY FOR A RESPONSE. WHEN NONE WAS FORTHCOMING, LENNOX FROWNED. SUDDENLY, A MUFFLED YELL REACHED HIS EARS, AND HE SCOWLED AS HE TURNED THE KNOB, FORCING THE BEDROOM DOOR OPEN. HE FOUND ASHER CLUTCHING A PILLOW TO HIS CHEST, SHIMMERING WITH THE SWEAT ON THE SURFACE OF HIS SKIN. CONCERNED, LENNOX RUSHED TO ASHER'S SIDE, GRIPPING HIS SHOULDER AS HE FELL TO HIS KNEES ON THE BED BEHIND HIM.
"ASHER! WHAT'S WRONG?" HE ASKED, FEELING THE CLAMMINESS OF HIS BROTHER'S SKIN AND FEELING HIS BODY LITERALLY VIBRATING WITH THE TREMORS PASSING THROUGH HIM.
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THE ENTIRE BATHING SCENARIO WAS MUCH LESS INHIBITED THAN SHE WOULD EVER BE ON A USUAL DAY. SHE WAS NORMALLY A RELATIVELY PROPER GIRL, VERY VIRGINAL AND CHASTE BUT NOT PRUDISH. SHE WOULD NEVER FIND HERSELF DEAD IN A SHOWER WITH NO CLOTHES ON WITH A MAN SHE WASN'T RELATED TO, BUT TODAY WAS A RARE DAY. SHE WAS STILL MILDLY INEBRIATED, WHICH LOWERED HER INHIBITIONS GREATLY, AND SHE REALLY HAD NO WAY TO BATHE HERSELF WITHOUT HIS HELP. PLUS, FINN WAS HER FRIEND. HE HAD ALWAYS BEEN HER FRIEND. SHE WAS ALMOST AS CLOSE TO HIM AS SHE WAS TO CONNOR, AND SHE'D GROWN UP WITH HIM DURING THE YEARS AFTER SHE'D RUN AWAY TO HER AUNT'S HOME IN NEW YORK. HE KNEW YEARS OF HER LIFE THAT EVEN CONNOR DIDN'T KNOW.
HE WAS HER FRIEND. IT WAS AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
SHE INHERENTLY KNEW HE WOULD RESPECT HER AND KEEP HIS EYES CLOSED AS SHE LEANED AGAINST HIM FOR HIS STOLIDITY. SHE THOROUGHLY COVERED HIS CHEST IN SOAP, ACCIDENTALLY, BUT HE WAS PLIABLE - FOR ONCE - AS SHE GUIDED HIM IN TO THE WATER TO RINSE OFF. UNAWARE OF HIS SOBRIETY - A STARK CONTRAST TO HER DRUNKENNESS - SHE DIDN'T SENSE HIS UNEASE AS SHE LEANED HER HEAD AGAINST HIM FROM BEHIND. WATER DRIPPED DOWN HER FACE AND OFF OF HER NOSE, RUNNING IN A RIVULET DOWN HIS SCULPTED BACK, AND SHE SIGHED INAUDIBLY AS SHE FORCED HERSELF TO MUSTER WHAT STRENGTH SHE HAD LEFT. SOME LIFE HAD RETURNED TO HER LEGS WITH BOTH THE DIP IN THE POOL AND THE HOT WATER OF THE SHOWER, SO SHE DECIDED SHE COULD CLIMB OUT OF THE BATHTUB WITHOUT CRIPPLING HERSELF.
SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF HER MIND, HER RATIONAL SUBCONSCIOUS WAS IMPRESSED THAT FINN HAD BEEN A GENTLEMAN AND HAD OBEYED HER REQUEST TO KEEP HIS EYES CLOSED. HE WAS KNOWN FOR BEING A WOMANIZER, BUT HE'D HAD THE HONOR TO FOLLOW HER WISHES. SHE KNEW IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE HE HAD TO OR CONNOR WOULD KILL HIM, NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT SHE MAY AS WELL BE ANOTHER MAN AS FAR AS HE WAS CONCERNED, BUT SHE APPRECIATED IT ALL THE SAME. BUT AS HE CLIMBED OUT OF THE SHOWER AND SHE ACTUALLY SAW ALL OF HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME, PROBABLY SINCE THEY WERE TEENAGERS AND WENT TO THE HAMPTONS IN THE SUMMERTIME, SHE CAUGHT HERSELF STARING. HE WAS GROWN NOW, NO LONGER A GAWKY TEENAGER AND HARDENED FROM YEARS OF A SOLDIER'S WORK.
SHE KNEW SHE BLUSHED, SHE COULD FEEL IT, AS SHE LOOKED AWAY WHEN SHE SAW HIM SMIRK. SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHY - IT WASN'T LIKE SHE WAS CHECKING HIM OUT BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE GROSS - BUT SHE SWALLOWED HEAVILY BEFORE GATHERING THE STRENGTH TO LOOK BACK UP AT HIM AS HE CAME TO A STOP IN FRONT OF HER. SHE WAS BEYOND GRATEFUL WHEN HE AGREED TO STAY WITH HER. IT VERGED ON OVERJOYED ALTHOUGH SHE WOULDN'T ADMIT IT. THE THRILL THAT RAN THROUGH HER CHEST AT HIS SIMPLE WORDS DIDN'T SHOW ON HER FACE, AND SHE IGNORED IT. HE WAS HER FRIEND AND HE'D AGREED TO STAY WITH HER WHILE SHE RECOVERED. IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL. SHE HAD TO STILL BE DRUNK, AND HER BODY WAS RECOVERING IN A STRANGE WAY. SHE WOULD RATHER THROW UP AGAIN. THAT WAS FAR LESS CONFUSING FOR HER ALCOHOL-ADDLED BRAIN.
STANDING, SHE WEAVED BACK TO THE BEDROOM, FEELING HIS HANDS GENTLY GRASP HER HIPS AS SHE CAUGHT HER WEIGHT AGAINST THE DOORFRAME TO KEEP FROM FALLING. SHE FELT AS IF SHE'D BEEN SHOCKED WHEN HE TOUCHED HER, HIS HANDS SEPARATED FROM HER SKIN BY ONLY HER ROBE, BUT SHE OBEDIENTLY ALLOWED HIM TO DIRECT HER TOWARD HER BED. REACHING IT, SHE SLUMPED DOWN AT THE FOOT OF IT, HUDDLING IN TO HER PLUSH ROBE AS HE QUICKLY GATHERED SOME CLOTHES FOR HER BEFORE DISAPPEARING TO THE GUEST ROOM.
AN EXHAUSTED RESTLESSNESS SETTLED OVER HER AS SHE PULLED HER ROBE FROM HER SHOULDERS, DROPPING IT IN A HEAP ON THE FLOOR AFTER USING IT TO DRY HERSELF OFF. TOO TIRED AND HUNGOVER TO GIVE A CRAP ABOUT WEARING A BRA, SHE PULLED HER TANK TOP ON OVER HER WET HAIR AND SAT ON THE SIDE OF THE BED AS SHE TUGGED THE CHENILLE PAJAMA BOTTOMS OVER HER SLENDER LEGS. THE ACT OF DRESSING HERSELF WAS EXHAUSTING, AND SHE FELT DIZZY, BUT HER HAIR WAS STILL WET. FORCING HERSELF TO STAND, SHE STUMBLED OVER TO HER DRESSER AND RETRIEVED HER HAIR BRUSH AND A HAIR TIE, BRUSHING HER WET HAIR OUT STRAIGHT AND PULLING THE SHORT HAIR UP INTO A BOUNCY PONYTAIL AT THE BACK OF HER HEAD.
TOSSING THE HAIRBRUSH TOWARD THE DRESSER, SHE MISSED AND FROWNED TIREDLY AT IT JUST AS SHE HEARD FINN KNOCK ON THE BEDROOM DOOR. HER HEART LEAPT IN TO HER CHEST, AND SHE SQUEAKED OUT FOR HIM TO COME IN. HE ENTERED INSTANTLY, AND SHE STARED MOROSELY UP AT HIM WHERE SHE SLUMPED ON THE CORNER OF THE BED, TOO TIRED TO EVEN MOVE. SHE WAS RELIEVED TO SEE HIM AGAIN, AND AS HE OFFERED TO HELP HER, SHE DIDN'T OBJECT.
HE SPUN HER AROUND TO SITUATE HER BENEATH THE BLANKETS, AND THE MOVEMENT MADE HER QUEASY SO SHE GRIPPED THE BLANKETS FORCEFULLY WHEN HE LAID HER ON THE BED. DRAWING IN A DEEP BREATH, SHE FORCED HER HEAD TO STOP SPINNING, SHIFTING IN THE BED AS HIS WEIGHT WEIGHED DOWN THE MATTRESS BESIDE HER. PERFECTLY AT EASE WITH HIM AT HER SIDE, SHE LEANED TOWARD HIM AS HE SETTLED HIMSELF AND POINTED OUT THAT SHE WAS HARD WORK.
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A SISSY," SHE MUTTERED TEASINGLY, HER WORDS INTERRUPTED BY A SMALL YAWN. TWISTING HER HIPS, SHE DREW HERSELF UP AT HIS SIDE, HER HEAD SLIDING AGAINST HIS CHEST AS SHE SIGHED TIREDLY. HER EYELIDS DROOPED HEAVILY AND SHE WHINED QUIETLY IN HER THROAT, ALREADY BEGINNING TO FALL ASLEEP.
"FINN..." SHE MURMURED AGAINST HIS BLACK TEE SHIRT, HER ARM NATURALLY BENDING TO REST ACROSS HIS STOMACH, HER FINGERS GRIPPING THE FABRIC GENTLY AS HER EYES CLOSED. "I LOVE YOU..." THE INEBRIATION THAT REMAINED WITHIN HER CLEARED ALL OF HER FILTERS. HE'D HEARD HER SAY SHE LOVED HIM BEFORE, AND SHE DID. HE WAS ANOTHER BROTHER TO HER, HER PARTNER IN CRIME EVEN IF IT ENDED UP GETTING HIM A BLACK EYE THANKS TO HER OVERPROTECTIVE OLDER BROTHER. SHE DIDN'T KNOW A LIFE WHERE SHE DIDN'T LOVE FINN, BUT SHE DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF IT. HE WAS PART OF HER LIFE JUST LIKE CONNOR, ELI, LENNOX, AND ASHER. HER MIND COULDN'T RELEGATE THE DIFFERENCE IN HER EMOTIONS FROM WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER UNTIL NOW. SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW SHE COULD BE CHANGING, EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS.
DARKNESS OVERCAME HER AND SHE RELAXED AGAINST HIM AS SHE FELL ASLEEP, COMFORTABLE AND SAFE WITH THE ONE PERSON SHE TRUSTED LIKE ONE OF HER OWN FAMILY. tag: finn words: a ton template by eliza @ shadowplay & shine |
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Post by finnegan malachi odaire on Feb 13, 2013 1:51:27 GMT -5
He was aware of the knock on his door, but for some reason he couldn't get his voice to work. He wanted to tell whoever it was that he was fine, that he couldn't be bothered right now, but all that left his mouth was the anguished yell of pain. Wanting to hit himself for giving himself up, he prayed that it was Connor outside of his door and not any of his other siblings. Connor would understand what was wrong with him. No one else would and he didn't feel like explaining his sickness to Kahlan or Lennox. However, his luck was shit today apparently, and he groaned loudly as he made out Lennox's shape as he opened the door.
"No, Lennox, go. You have to go." He informed his brother through clenched teeth, his fist grabbing the sheets to his bed, clinging them strongly between his fingers, trying to ride out the waves of pain that were infecting his body. He was calming down slightly, the sweat coming out more and more as he rode through the pain.
Until Lennox touched him.
A yell that sounded very unlike him split the air as Lennox grabbed his shoulder and the tears sprung to his eyes before he could even think to stop them. Crying out in misery, in pain, he shook his head, grabbing Lennox's wrist in a vice like grip. Hearing him ask what was wrong, he could barely get an answer out through his chattering teeth. "Don't touch..don't. Lennox please....please, you have t-to go." He begged him, not wanting his brother to see him like this. He knew that Lennox wouldn't recognizing the symptoms because he hadn't been around Asher when he was young, but the man sitting beside him was bright. It wasn't going to take him very long to put two and two together.
Asher didn't loosen his grip on Lennox's wrist and somehow it grounded him. His breathing was coming in short, sharp gasps, but slowly, the pain was residing. Or he was just getting better at handling it. Absolutely exhausted from the spasms that had just rocked his failing body, he panted as he flipped to his back, still grasping onto Lennox as if his life depended on it. He didn't know how else to tell Lennox, and he didn't sugar coat it. Connor had told him that he needed to tell Lennox and Kahlan. He just wished it wouldn't have been like this. "It's back." His brother would know. Lennox would understand. He didn't need to say it any other way.
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Finn sprawled himself out on her bed, getting comfortable as she settled beside him thanks to him moving her under the covers. He knew what it was like to come down from a drunken binge, and he wished, yet again, that he hadn't succeeded in making her this drunk. Sighing softly to himself, he suddenly heard her words, teasing him once more in response to her being out of control, basically. Turning his face with his charming grin, he looked down at her, his eyes sweeping over her features as she tried to settle down next to him without getting sick again. "I am not a sissy. That's offensive. Do you know how many times I've lugged your ass around today?" He informed her without constraint, knowing he'd probably get a smack for that. Although, he wasn't so sure if she'd be able to muster up the energy to hit him, which pleased him immensely. Oh that teasing that he could do to her right now, if only he had the want to do it. The truth was, he didn't have the heart.
Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly, hearing the yawn that escaped her as she twisted next to him. Not expecting her to come that close to him, he studied her as she rested her head on his chest suddenly, her arm traveling across his abdomen as he laid on his back. Resisting the urge to groan out of frustration, he laid his head back heavily in the pillows, his head spinning. She didn't understand. She didn't know what she did to him. Hell, he didn't even know what she did to him. Not really. But he did know that if Connor decided to come and check on his precious baby sister, he was going to be dead where he lay. He didn't feel like facing the barrel of Connor's gun again, and the very idea of it sent a tremor through his very veins. The truth was, being shot by your best friend when he was in a blind rage wasn't something that Finn was handling very well, and luckily for him, he hid it very well. He was able to shut himself down to everyone else. It was the very reason he had been picked for the job to spy on the Russians. It was the very reason he hated himself too.
Trying not to think about anything like that, he looked back down at Kahlan as she whined beneath him. "What are you doing?" He questioned her, raising an eyebrow as she seemed to snuggle even closer to him. The whine had surprised him. It surprised him because of the worry that filled his heart, making it skip a beat. He didn't want her to hurt anymore, whether if it was because of the alcohol or not.
And then he heard it. The words that made his eyes close with regret and guilt.
She loved him, but not in the way that he wanted to be loved. Finn was a very difficult person to understand. He didn't even understand himself. He didn't realize that he wanted Kahlan to love him differently. He did know that he wished the kisses she had bestowed upon him today had been performed with a sober mind, but there was nothing that he could do. He would simply forget because it was easier than remembering and bringing them up to confuse her, to embarrass her. She didn't need the head ache in her life. And honestly, she could do so much better than him. What was he? A blood thirsty soldier with a fucked up mind that had no business being attracted to someone as pure and as sweet as Kahlan Selwyn. Making himself sick, he only sighed, nodding his head as he felt her cling to his shirt. "I know Lan." He didn't say it back. Finn wasn't an emotional being. He had never spoken the words in his life. Not to anyone, not even to the people who had raised him as their own son. He wouldn't say them now, even if he did love Kahlan in a certain way. He just didn't know, and he'd rather not make a fool out of himself.
Instead of dwelling on the subject, Finn wrapped his arms around her, gently running his hand up and down her back. Closing his eyes, he turned his head away from her, speaking softly to himself because he knew that she was asleep. "I'm so sorry Kahlan."
"words" ### "tags" tags <3"notes" hello hello bbby
THANK YOU, DUCK @ CAUTION!
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